Smackdown! Recap 2/3/06 - "More Hype for the Next PPV
Well, unfortunately, I missed the first 30 minutes of Smackdown!, which makes it very hard for me to do the first part of this recap. However, a friend of mine told me the important parts, and I will try to be funny on that basis. If not, don't worry. I pick it up when JBL came out, and can take it from there.
Introduction: Annoying Teaser Still Photos of a Shitty Match
Basically, you get to see still photos of the Rumble, as well as the voiceover of Angle saying he'll win. If I was a complete idiot, I might be compelled to order the PPV right now. However, I’m not. Also, we all know that match sucked more nuts than a gay squirrel.
Speedy Gonzalez comes out to thank Eddie
Blah Blah Blah Eddie had my back Blah Blah Blah He was watching me Blah Blah Blah INTERRUPTION! In comes the Legend Annoyer, the guy you love to hate. He comes up to say that Guerrero couldn't be watching him from above because he's in Hell right now. Yes Orton, there are people in Hell right now, but Eddie’s not one of them...it's us for having to listen to this fucking "let's bring Eddie back from the dead" storyline. LET THE MAN REST IN PEACE.
Match 1 - MNM vs. Mexicools for the Tag Team Title
I didn’t see it, and I am probably better off because of that
MNM def. Mexicools
Your Wrestling God Addresses You
First off, know that I think JBL on mike is absolutely hilarious, so I was enjoying every minute of this. Basically, Your Wrestling God was telling us how he is Your Wrestling God. Out comes Mr. No-Gimmick, ready to fight.
Match 2 - Mr. No-Gimmick vs. a Dick
Then out come the Dicks. Yes, there were Dicks on network television...two of them. Everyone watching tonight got to see two Dicks exposed for your viewing pleasure. One Dick was slated to fight Mr. No-Gimmick, so the match starts. As I'm sure you know, Mr. No-Gimmick beat the Dick very rigorously right in front of everyone. In fact, when a second Dick came on stage, he decided to beat that too. In the end, Mr-No Gimmick stood victorious in that he beat two Dicks. In fact, I think he'd have a great gimmick in demonstrating that he likes to beat Dicks.
Then Your Wrestling God then decided he was jealous that Mr. No-Gimmick got the beat the Dicks on stage and not himself. Therefore, the Clothesline from Hell gets Mr. No-Gimmick and JBL goes out smiling.
Mr. No-Gimmick def. the Dick
Match 3 – The Lollipop Guild Returns
Apparently the Lollipop Guild has decided to make another appearance, this time dressed up as Rey Mysterio Bobble Heads. Now, I have no problem with midgets, as I’m not judgmental like that. But you really think people will respect any midget that comes out to wrestle in a stupid, gimmicky new "division" like the Juniors? Please.
Also, what the hell is with the “Junior Division” entrance theme? Apparently the Lollipop Guild is sponsored by Eugene’s Kiddie Hour, which would explain the look of the entrance theme on the Titantron. All stupid gimmicks aside, though, those little fuckers can wrestle! Why is the WWE putting them down so much with such a shitty gimmick? Well, I can see why they would have to put a spin on it like this, but if they keep being good, I really would like to see the WWE push the Juniors to gain some form of respect. It would work…well, until they decide to have one fight Mark Henry. You know Lord Vince wants to see that.
Backstage - Mr. Kennedy Kennedy interviews Banoit-Eh
Scene starts with Banoit-Eh doing some very realistic warm-up moves, when Mr. Kennedy Kennedy comes in to announce that he’s Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy. The basic jist of his coming backstage to see Banoit-Eh was to tell him that he doesn’t know who he’s facing for the US Championship, and that he’s a doozy! Banoit-Eh retorts by telling Mr. Kennedy Kennedy that he doesn’t give a flying fuck. Also, he says the only “bad break” that will happen if he gets closer is his arm. Banoit-Eh then pats the back of his shoulder, after which Mr. Kennedy Kennedy goes whimpering away in a hilarious manner.
Match 4 – Banoit-Eh vs. That Punchy Irish Guy
I won’t get into details, as there weren’t really many. The Punchy Irish Guy eventually pummels banoit-Eh not only with fists, but also with crutch. Basically put, yet another push match for Finley. Of course, right after the match, Five Time Five Time Five Time Five Time Five Time is congratulating Finley, after which the Boogeyman comes by to eat worms. Definitely exciting shit.
Finley def. Banoit-Eh
Match 5 – Fattest Man on Earth and the Legend Annoyer vs. Speedy Gonzalez and Your Olympic Gold Hero
I still think Kurt Angle championing the “You Suck” chant is the best thing ever. As corny as it is when Angle’s opponents get pissed off and say that they don’t suck, it’s still fucking hilarious. Only someone like Angle could pull that off. Yes! Everyone’s in the ring! Let’s get ready for…
…commercial. The bastards.
Anyway, back to the match. We started with Mysterio and Orton. Quite the exciting match! Fast! Gripping! Stunning! Then came Mark Henry. The match turned to complete shit. Finally, the bastard tags in Orton, after which the match gets exciting again. Then Orton needs to put Angle into a crappy submission hold. We have to watch the “Drop The Hand Three Times” referee thing. Angle of course gets 2 ½ drops when he gets magical power back and somehow finds energy to attack again. After a bit more of a regular match, we get to watch an episode of Benny Hill!
That’s right! Rey attacks Orton. Rey does the 619. Henry attacks Rey. Angle attacks Henry. Henry attacks Angle. Angle attacks Henry. Daivari attacks Angle. Angle chases Daivari. Henry chases Angle. The trio goes backstage. Orton pins Rey. Orton wins.
Now comes the post-match soap opera. Orton decides he’s going to get the world mad by saying that Rey has the same chance of winning at WM as Eddie has coming back to life. Extreme Boos. Rey challenges Orton for his WM Title Shot “on behalf of Eddie Guerrero.” I hope this ends soon.
Conclusion
I might have been excited if I wasn’t a smark. I’ll say one thing though…they’re really taking this Eddie thing too far. I feel bad for his family and the fact that they have to watch this crap.