Permission to join the service sir?

At 4/21/10 06:18 PM, GMG455 wrote: Permission to join the service sir?

You are not an elite guard :(

As much as I like seeing people eager to join the EGB, is it me or are we being just a bit too lenient with Eagle's "Open Door" policy? Not that I'm insinuating a change in regimes or anything, but why aren't these civilians reading the first page to find out the requirements to join?

It's a simple little list of 4 things:

1. Attained rank of Private, 2500 B/P points
2. Bronze whistle or better
3. Good posting habits. In other words, no one-liners.
4. A reasonable B/P ratio.

That's all, nothing more, nothing less. Is that too much to ask?

I'm not trying to start a fight, but I just had to say this.

At 4/21/10 08:17 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: As much as I like seeing people eager to join the EGB, is it me or are we being just a bit too lenient with Eagle's "Open Door" policy? Not that I'm insinuating a change in regimes or anything, but why aren't these civilians reading the first page to find out the requirements to join?

...Because the first page of this thread doesn't actually mention any of the four things you posted, and the definition of "Elite Guard", as per the OP, has since become obsolete with the redesign of the B/P ranks. What it meant when the thread was started is different to what it means now, and that's ignoring the fact that the entry requirements stated on the first page are vague at best. How is anyone from post-2007 supposed to know that the 'Elite Guard" bit is referring to B/P ranks? It doesn't even say that much.

At 4/21/10 08:17 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: As much as I like seeing people eager to join the EGB, is it me or are we being just a bit too lenient with Eagle's "Open Door" policy? Not that I'm insinuating a change in regimes or anything, but why aren't these civilians reading the first page to find out the requirements to join?

For the same reasons why I keep getting the same questions and comments over and over again on the NGLOGS thread: (1) It's easier to post than to read, (2) It's easier to re-ask a question than to research an issue yourself and (3) their problem couldn't possibly have existed before.

It's a simple little list of 4 things:

1. Attained rank of Private, 2500 B/P points

That could confuse the masses - how do you consider "private" as "elite"?

2. Bronze whistle or better

Nice indicator of a person who knows garbage when they see it.

3. Good posting habits. In other words, no one-liners.

You mean they actually have to think of an intelligent and well-thought response that may actually help the situation? That in itself will thin out the herd real quick.

4. A reasonable B/P ratio.

This ratio is a moving target these past few years. Based on the last 12 months, the overall pass-to-blam ratio on Newgrounds is about 2.7 to 1. It was lower than that the year before. If you have someone who votes fairly, they may try to blam flashes that pass anyway. This means that they don't get the blams that they desired. Personally, I have had a rough time accruing blams - many of the ones I try to shoot down pass anyway. Likewise, many of the good (or even fair or borderline) flashes I vote 3 and 4 on do pass, and that means my saves do outstrip my blams. My ratio isn't that great - but I do consider myself a helpful member of the barracks.

I guess everything is just used as a guideline.

That's all, nothing more, nothing less. Is that too much to ask?

No, actually I do agree with you on this. It would be nice to see someone with a little initiative once in a while ask to join up.

I'm not trying to start a fight, but I just had to say this.

Yeah, sometimes you just gotta say what's on your mind - damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

BTW, has anyone heard from our illustrious leader recently?

*Salutes*

At 4/21/10 09:54 PM, byteslinger wrote:

At 4/21/10 08:17 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: It's a simple little list of 4 things:

1. Attained rank of Private, 2500 B/P points

That could confuse the masses - how do you consider "private" as "elite"?

Exactly - this of course was grandfathered in after Newgrounds dropped the "Elite Guard" markers for all ranks of Private and above. New users might not remember this, after all.

3. Good posting habits. In other words, no one-liners.

You mean they actually have to think of an intelligent and well-thought response that may actually help the situation? That in itself will thin out the herd real quick.

In essence it would, but we could lose a good few pages if I went through the whole thread and removed all one liner posts

4. A reasonable B/P ratio.

This ratio is a moving target these past few years.

I think it's more a case that someone who can be represented by their points as someone that votes on what a flash deserves, as opposed to a straight out 5/0 voter.

I know there are some people out there that I don't have to look too far to find that can swing their ratio, by altering their voting habits ever so slightly. People need to realise that higher voting powers can make a difference, as opposed to having to follow the herd. Please remember that everyone in this barracks can make a difference. If we all voted on one submission in the portal at 0, the average score would take a tumble, because we have a lot of votes together.

Dependant upon the quality of the flash, we might even get a Blam or two between us, but don't get carried away, as we're not going to go arbitrarily blamming things like the next Adam Phillips work, but if we took some of those marginal flash out of the Saves column and added them to the Blams column, things would look brighter, as there would be more better quality flash there when the dust has settled.

I am a bit concerned about our illustrious leader - he has been harder to find than a virgin in Las Vegas.

Hope this PSA helps!

*Salutes*

• 

  by <deleted>

  Under Judgment

  (Everyone)

Stolen From:

http://www.goodgamestudios.com/farmer/

There's a way to embed the flash right from the page. The page also says it's from Goodgame Studios, and the alleged thief says nothing about the studio and didn't even re-size the flash right. The guy also has no other flash.

At 4/22/10 01:05 PM, byteslinger wrote: I am a bit concerned about our illustrious leader - he has been harder to find than a virgin in Las Vegas.

Hope this PSA helps!

*Salutes*

ROFLMFAO!!!!

Anyway, let me get to the real reason I came in here to post.

****STOLEN FLASH ALERT****

Stolen:

• 

  by <deleted>

  Under Judgment

  (Everyone)

Original:

http://www.goodgamestudios.com/farmer/

At 4/22/10 01:05 PM, byteslinger wrote: I am a bit concerned about our illustrious leader - he has been harder to find than a virgin in Las Vegas.

Hope this PSA helps!

*Salutes*

Har har har...the Photoshop Queen strikes again...

And, for the record, I wish I was still 23 :-)

Yeah, I'm around. It's been quite busy for me due to the new schedule. I'm still catching up a bit from NG, so I'll keep this post short and sweet. I'll give everyone an update about my new job and stuff in the EGB forums.

*salutes*

At 4/22/10 04:49 PM, EagleRock wrote:

At 4/22/10 01:05 PM, byteslinger wrote: I am a bit concerned about our illustrious leader - he has been harder to find than a virgin in Las Vegas.

Hope this PSA helps!

*Salutes*

Har har har...the Photoshop Queen strikes again...

Hey, it worked! You made it back! I'm glad to see that my multi-talented skills can be used to bring our wayward leader back to his rightful place in the barracks.

And, for the record, I wish I was still 23 :-)

Well, if I said "33", no one would be looking for you... hehehe...

Yeah, I'm around. It's been quite busy for me due to the new schedule. I'm still catching up a bit from NG, so I'll keep this post short and sweet. I'll give everyone an update about my new job and stuff in the EGB forums.

I read your BBS post - sounds like it's a great job - once you get used to being on vampire hours! 7PM to 7AM is a rough day if you're not used to sleeping during the day. As for not being able to access the internet or Newgrounds from your new job...well, that sounds like a challenge I'd like to take. Usually, you hack INTO a system - not out of it LOL! But there are always ways. Good luck with the job - hope it is everything you want it to be!

*salutes*

*Salutes*

Oh, EagleRock...if you get back to your bunk and office before we do, please don't get mad. You were gone a long time. First, Lizzardis was using it as a "quiet room" to do the roster, and then Cobra brought in his laptop and was able to watch his porn in private . We got most of the stains off the ceiling, but he owes you a new keyboard. Then Coop and Fro brought in their hi-def TV, DVD and stereo and their XBOX 360's , and hosted LAN parties for a group of ladies that charge by the hour. Ismael stepped in to clean things up, but he was seduced by the young women and the copious amounts of beer and pizza (we all chipped in to get the rug cleaned - do you like it?). Michelinman and Idiot-Finder set up a webcam and did some live streaming of the whole mess - and charged the online viewers $9.99 an hour. In one month, we had enough money to buy Canada, and we decided to rename it "EagleLand" in your honor. We tossed out everyone who spoke French - they were too stuck up anyway - and dumped their stupid metric system. There is no speed limit in EagleLand, and stores are NOT allowed to sell Microsoft products. The new country motto is "Get Linux - Or Get The Hell Out!". We think it's a great improvement, don't you?

You should never have left alone for so long. But don't worry, we'll have that mess cleaned up in no time at all. Sushi13 will be on it first thing in the morning!

At 4/22/10 04:49 PM, EagleRock wrote:

Har har har...the Photoshop Queen strikes again...

Where was my milk carton picture?

Unsuitable flash!

• 

  by <deleted>

  Under Judgment

  (Everyone)

Contains still images of hardcore pornography. What a surprise, it's from the same guy who tried (and failed) to steal Miami Shark a few days ago.

At 4/22/10 10:33 PM, byteslinger wrote: But don't worry, we'll have that mess cleaned up in no time at all. Sushi13 will be on it first thing in the morning!

Oh man I hate being the new guy. Stupid Yamor not meeting our standards... I guess since EagleRock is back I'll have to make sure he's got fresh underwear again. I kinda let it slip a bit in his absence and I think a pair of unwashed tighty whiteys may have mutated into something nasty. I wouldn't advise anybody go into the laundry room until I arrange to have it sterilised. Where do we keep the hazard suits and flamethrowers?

At 4/22/10 10:33 PM, byteslinger wrote: Hey, it worked! You made it back! I'm glad to see that my multi-talented skills can be used to bring our wayward leader back to his rightful place in the barracks.

And, for the record, I wish I was still 23 :-)

Well, if I said "33", no one would be looking for you... hehehe...

Yeah, I'm around. It's been quite busy for me due to the new schedule. I'm still catching up a bit from NG, so I'll keep this post short and sweet. I'll give everyone an update about my new job and stuff in the EGB forums.

I read your BBS post - sounds like it's a great job - once you get used to being on vampire hours! 7PM to 7AM is a rough day if you're not used to sleeping during the day. As for not being able to access the internet or Newgrounds from your new job...well, that sounds like a challenge I'd like to take. Usually, you hack INTO a system - not out of it LOL! But there are always ways. Good luck with the job - hope it is everything you want it to be!

The hours aren't too rough. Unlimited coffee and soda help keep you awake, too. Also, it has a decent balance of busy time and down time. And there are SOME websites I can get to...but we do have an Internet filter that blocks certain sites that deal with games, personal email, online stores, AIM, etc. However, that's not the hardest thing in the world to bypass...hell, X11 forwarding over SSH opens up a web browser on my server quite nicely...lol. Not only does it bypass their content filters, they can't even track it, as it is all SSL encrypted data running over port 23... :-)

Of course, there _are_ managers there, which are lenient when it comes to certain things, but flash animations and black-colored websites do get a bit fishy. So while I can hack my way "out" of the network, it won't do any good if you got people breathing down your neck...

Nah. I'm rather content with doing crap through a terminal emulator...hell, MUDs are fun to play, and if I really really wanted to, I could hit up chat with you guys over IRC. Not only would it be on my own server, it'd be right in a PuTTY window, which is about as inconspicuous as it gets. :-)

Now, let's see, I had some things to catch up on...

Oh, EagleRock...if you get back to your bunk and office before we do, please don't get mad. You were gone a long time. First, Lizzardis was using it as a "quiet room" to do the roster, and then Cobra brought in his laptop and was able to watch his porn in private .

Okay, blocking Cobra's laptop's MAC address off the Barracks network...

We got most of the stains off the ceiling, but he owes you a new keyboard. Then Coop and Fro brought in their hi-def TV, DVD and stereo and their XBOX 360's , and hosted LAN parties for a group of ladies that charge by the hour.

Moving Coop's and Fro's quarters next to the boiler...

Ismael stepped in to clean things up, but he was seduced by the young women and the copious amounts of beer and pizza (we all chipped in to get the rug cleaned - do you like it?).

Adding saltpeter to Ismael's rations for the next four weeks...

Michelinman and Idiot-Finder set up a webcam and did some live streaming of the whole mess - and charged the online viewers $9.99 an hour.

Attaching Michelinman's and Idiot-Finder's salaries for eight months...

In one month, we had enough money to buy Canada, and we decided to rename it "EagleLand" in your honor.

Rename EagleLand to Canadia...

We tossed out everyone who spoke French - they were too stuck up anyway - and dumped their stupid metric system.

Make sure to visit Davidsfarm now that I own Canadia...

There is no speed limit in EagleLand, and stores are NOT allowed to sell Microsoft products.

Take the SLK up to Canadia next weekend...

The new country motto is "Get Linux - Or Get The Hell Out!". We think it's a great improvement, don't you?

Give Byte KP duty for three...actually, that sounds pretty good. Draconian, but good. :-) Let's remember that Windows DOES have its place...I mean, what other operating system can handle Solitaire and Minesweeper like Windows? LOL

You should never have left alone for so long. But don't worry, we'll have that mess cleaned up in no time at all. Sushi13 will be on it first thing in the morning!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aren't we the big comedienne. :-) Seriously though, I've been away too long. It'll be hard sticking around but I'll do my best. :-)

Hello EagleRock great to see you on here the barracks has been fine, buts its great to see your leader back again! Well I level up I think tomorrow level 35 i think my weapon will be Sai's like, what The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had as weapons. I need to get round to doing more reviews its like two months since my last one. Happy St. Georges day! to us Brits.

Elite Guard Private requesting permition sir. I havent been serving the portal too long and i only have minimal contribution but im looking to improve. I'll be awaiting your answer sir.

At 4/23/10 07:55 AM, scotty117 wrote: Elite Guard Private requesting permition sir. I havent been serving the portal too long and i only have minimal contribution but im looking to improve. I'll be awaiting your answer sir.

Nice attitude, but unfortunately you need to have at least a B/P rank of Private (2500 B/P) and a bronze whistle or higher to be considered for membership here.

If you really want to join a portal protection club, the NGPD would welcome you as long as you have at least 50 good posts and 400 B/P. Which shouldn't really take that long to get if you're serious about helping the portal out. ;)

At 4/23/10 07:55 AM, scotty117 wrote: Elite Guard Private requesting permition sir. I havent been serving the portal too long and i only have minimal contribution but im looking to improve. I'll be awaiting your answer sir.

While we do appreciate your enthusiasm and desire to help Newgrounds, we do have a few minimal requirements to join the Barracks, such as being at least a Private (2,500 or more B/P points), a bronze whistle (or better) to show that you know how to flag abusive reviews and improper flashes, and some history of helpful and useful posts and reviews.

You seem to be off to a good start, but you're not quite ready to join up here just yet. However, many of our members started out in the NewGrounds Police Department (NGPD). Do a bit more work to get to "Security Guard" (400+ BP points) and keep writing helpful posts and reviews, and you should qualify to join the NGPD in a short while.

The NGPD and the EGB work together on Newgrounds, and we get along quite well with eachother. Many current EGB members started out in the NGPD, and still have a strong affiliation with them after they joined the Barracks.

So, keep up the good work - and when you're ready, give the NGPD a try. I think you'll do just fine there to start your career in defending the Portal!

It's nice to see you again, Eagle! I didn't understand most of the things you said about your job but it sounds important, and if you're happy with it then we're happy too :D

At 4/22/10 10:33 PM, byteslinger wrote: Ismael stepped in to clean things up, but he was seduced by the young women and the copious amounts of beer and pizza

WTF that was supposed to be a secret!

We tossed out everyone who spoke French - they were too stuck up anyway - and dumped their stupid metric system.

No, not the metric system! That was the only good thing left in EagleLand!

At 4/23/10 02:54 AM, EagleRock wrote:

At 4/22/10 10:33 PM, byteslinger wrote: Ismael stepped in to clean things up, but he was seduced by the young women and the copious amounts of beer and pizza (we all chipped in to get the rug cleaned - do you like it?).

Adding saltpeter to Ismael's rations for the next four weeks...

Hey, it's not my fault! I mean, beer, pizza, AND young women? There was nothing I could do!

(I disappear from the group mysteriously as if I was never there)

At 4/23/10 02:54 AM, EagleRock wrote:

At 4/22/10 10:33 PM, byteslinger wrote: Oh, EagleRock...if you get back to your bunk and office before we do, please don't get mad. You were gone a long time. First, Lizzardis was using it as a "quiet room" to do the roster, and then Cobra brought in his laptop and was able to watch his porn in private .

Okay, blocking Cobra's laptop's MAC address off the Barracks network...

For the record, I don't have a MAC, so you're shit outta luck! :P

We got most of the stains off the ceiling, but he owes you a new keyboard. Then Coop and Fro brought in their hi-def TV, DVD and stereo and their XBOX 360's , and hosted LAN parties for a group of ladies that charge by the hour.

DAMMIT!! I got enough bills to pay as it is already! HE can buy his own damn keyboard! rofl!!

Moving Coop's and Fro's quarters next to the boiler...

Hehehehe, that's gonna suck!

Ismael stepped in to clean things up, but he was seduced by the young women and the copious amounts of beer and pizza (we all chipped in to get the rug cleaned - do you like it?).

Adding saltpeter to Ismael's rations for the next four weeks...

Actually, that's not much of a punishment. It just gives him extra nutrients. It also gives corned beef it's characteristic pink hue. Unless there's something I'm missing, you're going to have to rethink this one.

Michelinman and Idiot-Finder set up a webcam and did some live streaming of the whole mess - and charged the online viewers $9.99 an hour.

WTF?! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE BUSINESS!! Grrrr!!! They'll get theirs!

Attaching Michelinman's and Idiot-Finder's salaries for eight months.

Attaching them? To what may I ask? I think you mean docking their salaries.

In one month, we had enough money to buy Canada, and we decided to rename it "EagleLand" in your honor.

Rename EagleLand to Canadia...

We tossed out everyone who spoke French - they were too stuck up anyway - and dumped their stupid metric system.

So far, so good. Lousy French people! The only good things to come out of France are as follows:

1. French fries
2. French Toast
3. French kissing

There is no speed limit in EagleLand, and stores are NOT allowed to sell Microsoft products.

Well shit!

The new country motto is "Get Linux - Or Get The Hell Out!". We think it's a great improvement, don't you?

FUCK YOUR PENGUIN!

You should never have left alone for so long. But don't worry, we'll have that mess cleaned up in no time at all. Sushi13 will be on it first thing in the morning!

Hehehehehe, sure is nice not being the new guy anymore. :P

At 4/24/10 04:11 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: Hehehehehe, sure is nice not being the new guy anymore. :P

I love being the unnoticed one. I don't get on the wrong end of any of Byte's random brain-farts, and that's not a bad thing IMO.

That's because you're too busy elsewhere and not being in on the fun.

Way to go Einstein! You're going to be the only uninvited at the next EGB Picnic. So there. :P NYAH!

At 4/24/10 04:45 PM, Sheizenhammer wrote:

At 4/24/10 04:11 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: Hehehehehe, sure is nice not being the new guy anymore. :P

I love being the unnoticed one. I don't get on the wrong end of any of Byte's random brain-farts, and that's not a bad thing IMO.

Random? - oh, yes.

Brain farts? - on the contrary, it takes quite a bit of intellect and imagination to put together all of this fun stuff. I tend to think on multiple tangential and analogous lines of thought to find humor in just about anything. Around here, it's pretty much an endless supply of comedy fodder. It's all in good fun, you know that!

Unnoticed? Not anymore, hehehehe......

*Grabs a handful of painted rocks and skips out-of-rhythm down the barracks hallway while horribly whistling "Stairway to Heaven" out of tune... *

- fade to chartreuse...-

At 4/24/10 04:55 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote:

Way to go Einstein! You're going to be the only uninvited at the next EGB Picnic. So there. :P NYAH!

Actually, I wasn't invited either.

At 4/24/10 09:21 PM, puddinN64 wrote:

At 4/24/10 04:55 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote:

Way to go Einstein! You're going to be the only uninvited at the next EGB Picnic. So there. :P NYAH!

Actually, I wasn't invited either.

The reason why you don't get invited is because you use your Xbox Live account to watch Hannah Montana on Netflix, apparently forgetting that everybody on your friend's list can see what you're watching.
I didn't get invited either unless you count cleaning up the next morning. Wait till Byte sees the shoddy job I did though, that'll teach her to not invite me.

Stolen flash:

• 

  by <deleted>

  Under Judgment

  (Everyone)

Original.

At 4/25/10 09:07 AM, sushi13 wrote:

At 4/24/10 09:21 PM, puddinN64 wrote:

At 4/24/10 04:55 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote:

Way to go Einstein! You're going to be the only uninvited at the next EGB Picnic. So there. :P NYAH!

Actually, I wasn't invited either.

The reason why you don't get invited is because you use your Xbox Live account to watch Hannah Montana on Netflix, apparently forgetting that everybody on your friend's list can see what you're watching.

Some things are just inexcusable. But truth be told, everyone will be invited to the next EGB picnic - just that some of you may be on "waste management detail" most of the day...

I didn't get invited either unless you count cleaning up the next morning. Wait till Byte sees the shoddy job I did though, that'll teach her to not invite me.

Excuse me, but we DID send you an invitation via e-mail. However, our e-mail server reported that your inbox was full of spam from all of the Justin Blieber fan sites you joined. I didn't know that he had over 3,265 different fan clubs - and that you belonged to most of them. Next time, get an e-mail account with more disk space.

*Looks around at the lousy cleanup job* Well, it looks like what we have here is a failure to communicate. Since we don't appreciate this level of insubordination here in the barracks (actually, I'm not sure what level we DO appreciate, but that's another story), it looks like you'll be re-assigned to the task of "personal hygiene manager" for SlntCobra for the next three weeks. You see, he has this really nasty fungus problem in places where he can't easily reach, and someone has to help him with his ointment treatments three times a day. This medicine makes him a little dizzy at times, so he can't take a standing shower - instead, he requires daily sponge-bathing in a tub full of warm yak's milk. Looks like it's the perfect job for you, mister! By the way, he's much calmer if you gently hum the theme from "The A-Team" in the key of D# as you bathe him.

Maybe next time you'll just do the job right the first time. See you at the next picnic!

The reason why you don't get invited is because you use your Xbox Live account to watch Hannah Montana on Netflix, apparently forgetting that everybody on your friend's list can see what you're watching.

Dude, that was my little sister. She's eight, man.