At 8/2/04 04:52 AM, Deadlock wrote: Wow thats some nice work

Thanx, i dont think its that good though, not my best work, only wrote it in bout 10 minuites, each.

are you like a writor for this club, posting storys for them

Well, i havnt joined, but i suppose, just to keep it alive and to entertain, i suppose i will post my storys every once and a while. If its ok with jackofshadow.

and was that story made up by you? :P

Yes every story i write is out of my thick skull, but sometimes i base some of them on over great novels, like dean koontz.

Great story buddy. Good work.

At 8/2/04 04:52 AM, Deadlock wrote: Wow thats some nice work, are you like a writor for this club, posting storys for them or something, and was that story made up by you? :P

He's not a regular writer, he just posted part one of the story so I asked for part two.

So who are you? Are you interested in joining?

So who are you? Are you interested in joining?

Well im a friend Gamehippy, and hes inspired me to join this club, he said that because i like storys, if i joined, Game will post in here more to entertain us. Good deal. So yes, im going to join. But im not good at storys, i just love reading them.

At 8/2/04 04:56 AM, Gamehippy wrote:

Well, i havnt joined, but i suppose, just to keep it alive and to entertain, i suppose i will post my storys every once and a while. If its ok with jackofshadow.

It is more than okay. You are welcome to post other stories anytime.

At 8/2/04 05:00 AM, Deadlock wrote:

Well im a friend Gamehippy, and hes inspired me to join this club, he said that because i like storys, if i joined, Game will post in here more to entertain us. Good deal. So yes, im going to join. But im not good at storys, i just love reading them.

This club isn't that much about writing stories. Originaly it's about discussing literature so if've read a book or two you can talk about them here. Stories by anyone are welcome though.

I'm going to buy the whole Dune series as soon as I get back to my town! I now have enough money to fulfill that dream!

Well, i havnt joined, but i suppose, just to keep it alive and to entertain, i suppose i will post my storys every once and a while. If its ok with jackofshadow.

It is more than okay. You are welcome to post other stories anytime.

Why thankyou, indded i will do that, so everytime im bored, and i want to write a story, i will post it in here first. So once this place has a couple more posts by other members of how my story is, i will post my third part.

Ok GameHippy if you think i was flaming you just wait till someone like Dobio and Poxpower gets a hold of you. It was a minor argument and i didnt mean for you to think about leaving, but if thats your wish, then so be it.

Story....

I wouldnt say it was a script, but i kinda enjoyed the story. It was atmospheric to say the least. I could see it in my mind, a trailer in the middle of nowere thunder licking the horizon rain pissing down. You even got the emotions quite well for the main character and that damn aby really was quite annoying. Over all, i would give it a 7 out of ten. So post the rest of it now, or i will begin flaming :P

At 8/2/04 08:02 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: Ok GameHippy if you think i was flaming you just wait till someone like Dobio and Poxpower gets a hold of you. It was a minor argument and i didnt mean for you to think about leaving, but if thats your wish, then so be it.

Im sorry, i was kinda annoyed, and i didnt mean to come down so harshly. You right it wasnt really flamming. Only opinions, if you think im bad at writing, then thats your opinion and i repect that :)

Story....

I wouldnt say it was a script, but i kinda enjoyed the story. It was atmospheric to say the least. I could see it in my mind, a trailer in the middle of nowere thunder licking the horizon rain pissing down. You even got the emotions quite well for the main character and that damn aby really was quite annoying. Over all, i would give it a 7 out of ten. So post the rest of it now, or i will begin flaming :P

lol ok. Well i kinda think the baby is annoying aswell, but thats the part of the stroy kinda weird huh, okay im gonig to post the part 3 in a mo.....

The baby, lay flat, dead on the floor, blood splattered all over the sink and over Ellen, I thought I’d made myself a one way ticket to hell. The nightmare wasn't over.

Submerged from the dead, the baby aroused, fixing its lazy, green eyes on me, it didn't look dead, but it hadn't no pulse. Walking forward, the baby dripped with blood, leaving pools, like its just gotten out of a bath filled with blood. Ellen thought, this isn't happening, but the baby attacked, jumped forward onto her hair, scratching and screaming, the baby's nail hit into Ellen's eye, causing blood shot. The baby hissed, as if a snake to his prey, the baby was too strong, but Ellen couldn't understand why her muscles wasn't working properly.

The baby retrieved, jolting back, the baby hissed.
Knock Knock. Conrad came in, He lunged forward as he saw the wreck of the fight, but the baby was smart, using the last of its deceitful strength, it lunged into Ellen's tight hands, making a crime scene, as if Ellen, was killing the baby. Conrad didn't think twice, and grabbed the shotgun, from beneath the bed, which the secret, Ellen didn't know of. Conrad aimed, and fired. The bullet pierced through Ellen neck, as she screamed out her last, high breath.

But the baby, jumped out and caught back Conrad's attention, knocking him out of his hypnotic mind, trance, that the baby pushed him into. Conrad saw the scene for the second time, and saw, what he had done. From the other caravan, there had already been a 999 dial, and the ambulance, and police, where arresting Conrad, for murder of his wife.

Hmmmm.......Interesting, but that part was a little too short i think. Maybe develope it a little more mate. Over all the story has potential, maybe even an animation could be made of this, something like SaladFingers i think. Very good well done.

At 8/2/04 08:54 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: Hmmmm.......Interesting, but that part was a little too short i think. Maybe develope it a little more mate. Over all the story has potential, maybe even an animation could be made of this, something like SaladFingers i think. Very good well done.

Thankyou, and yer, i will make it longer, try to develop it abit, o and about the animation thing, were going to work on it, i posted all 3 episodes/chapters to evolution productions, and its going to get made :)

So you like saladfingers?

At 8/2/04 08:54 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: Hmmmm.......Interesting, but that part was a little too short i think. Maybe develope it a little more mate. Over all the story has potential, maybe even an animation could be made of this, something like SaladFingers i think. Very good well done.

I agree with SCD. This part was rather short, not enough details which are what makes a story really good. Besides you made some pretty dumb gramar mistakes and what the hell did the baby do to put it's father into a trance!?

Yeah Jack, some details were a bit fucked but it has otential i think we both agree.

And yes, i quite like David Firths Salad Fingers series so far, creepy and funny at the same time.

At 8/2/04 09:27 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: Yeah Jack, some details were a bit fucked but it has otential i think we both agree.

And yes, i quite like David Firths Salad Fingers series so far, creepy and funny at the same time.

Its great, i love all three. Do you know when the next will be coming out?

Sadly no, but i'll guess atleast a month. Ive checked his site out and he has other series on the go aswell ( Burnt face man) looks just as ridiculously funny as Salad Fingers.

At 8/2/04 09:34 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: Sadly no, but i'll guess atleast a month. Ive checked his site out and he has other series on the go aswell ( Burnt face man) looks just as ridiculously funny as Salad Fingers.

Burnt face man, has that been released, if so im going to check it out, oh and by the way i have anothr story, this time its pretty good, its kinda long, and its got an adult theme, if you want, i may post it later, meanwhile, do you have a story you've written?

At 8/2/04 09:37 AM, Gamehippy wrote:

Burnt face man, has that been released, if so im going to check it out, oh and by the way i have anothr story, this time its pretty good, its kinda long, and its got an adult theme, if you want, i may post it later, meanwhile, do you have a story you've written?

I have one but unfotrunately it's back at my home. Well I'll just rewrite it out of memory as well as I can later on.

Gamehippy, I read your story, and here's my review...

Pros

As SCD said, the setting was easy to visualise. I liked your descriptive use of the English language :)

I like the way you introduced the baby, in that you didn't tell us everything at the start. We only learned details about the baby gradually, which is excellent, it makes the baby hard to visualise, which makes it scarier.

The whole green-eyed baby thing is weird and original, which I like.

You described her thoughts very vividly. Emotion is something that is often overlooked in books, but thankfully, you included it in your story.

Cons

The story went from first-person to third-person and back again, without warning, which is very confusing. Usually, writers stick with one or the other, and I think you should do the same.

Part three was very rushed at the end; in a few words, Conrad had gone from shooting his wife to being arrested.

There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but hey, you wrote it in 10 mins, so I won't go too hard on you.

Anyway, that's all I can think of. Overall, the story was interesting, chilling and weird. However, it is badly flawed in some places. I would give you 6 / 10 for this story.

Well, there's my review. Gamehippy, good luck with your writing in the future, and please keep posting those stories! I'd love to see a story of yours that you've spent a lot of time on.

This was a story that I was writing for school, but we got a new teacher and the asssignment was cancelled. I didn't bother to finish it but I'll post what I did write.

It was a tense day in the small town. The trial of an accused murderer had finished the previous day and the verdict was about to be handed down. The family anxiously awaited the announcement. The verdict came in. Innocent! The victims family was outraged! This man who they believed had taken from them a son, a brother was to walk free with no punishment!
It was too much for the victim’s brother Mark. He drove to the courthouse with one purpose in mind, vengeance. He got out of the car as he pulled up to the courthouse, pausing only briefly to grab his pistol from under the backseat and stuff it into the back of his waistband.
He didn’t notice the beautiful architecture of the courthouse as he walked up it’s many steps. He didn’t stop to apologize when he collided with someone coming the other way. He had only one objective as he walked in the courthouse, find the judge who had let his brother’s killer go free.
Judge Anderson didn’t look up from his paperwork as Mark walked into his office. In fact he wasn’t even aware that there was anybody else in the room until he felt the cold steel of the gun barrel pressed up against the top of his balding head. Many questions went through judge Anderson’s head at that moment but he spoke only one of them. “What do you want?” he asked. Mark responded by saying, “I want my brother’s killer in jail.”
It then dawned on Anderson who this seemingly crazed man was. The victim in the murder case he had presided over for the last month was the man’s brother. “I can’t put him in jail for a crime he didn’t commit.” said Anderson.

Well, that's where I stopped. I might finish it some time this summer If I'm really bored.

At 8/4/04 01:16 AM, Canada_Rules wrote: This was a story that I was writing for school, but we got a new teacher and the asssignment was cancelled. I didn't bother to finish it but I'll post what I did write.

That was pretty good. Please continue it.

Well, that's where I stopped. I might finish it some time this summer If I'm really bored.

I know how you feel. I haven't written anything since the end of school year. I used to write a lot, mainly on english and literature lessons.

At 8/4/04 04:36 AM, JackOfShadow wrote:

At 8/4/04 01:16 AM, Canada_Rules wrote: This was a story that I was writing for school, but we got a new teacher and the asssignment was cancelled. I didn't bother to finish it but I'll post what I did write.

That was pretty good. Please continue it.

Yeah, I liked it as well. Let's hope you make another part soon. Jack, how about a short story competition? You could have a word limit on the story, or give us a scenario and some characters that we have to write about. What say you? :)

Thankyou for the reveiw eldarion, and yes i'd so love to be a writor in the future, but there are a couple of things holding me back, firstly, my english vocabulary is in a poor state, i cannot spell. :( Secondly, i do skip from 1rt to 3rd person in a lot of things, but i did another story, took more time on it and hopefully, i have stuck with the same person.

Ever since my mum died, ive been sweating to my up most, leaking my every liquid in my body, working very hard to train and become an Otori lord. Today, 3050, the world is spilt up in different clans, America: Iida Clan, built up of high warriors, using titanium weapons and there fire outcast tecqniques, taught by Satan, himself. 2092 Satan had come to earth, to overrule, but we discovered in 2095 that god was on our side, keeping us from danger, and death. Now the world has split, with 2 great powers, and several clans. Japan: Otori Clan, this is the weapon by-law, they hate weapons, they disagree, so they’ve been taught mind control and abilities, instead. God on there side, makes the link 1st powerful. England: Toyamu Clan, Built up of disbelievers of both Satan, and good, powerful god, they want peace, like it was in 00-2091 before the arrival of power and planet greed. These people in the Toyamu don't have mind-control, nor-great weapons and fire power. But human power, cannons, government, common sense, and they are the biggest tribe of them all, because they still agree in reproduction.

My names Yuki, from the Japanese clan, Otori. We have lords, Otori lords, and only those are taught the special powers, a gift from the god. I am one of them, brought in from the wild, My mum was Toyamu, and my dad an Iida Lord. Iida lord work in the same principal, they are the chosen one by Satan, to come across the sacred gift of powers, we have mind control and psychic capabilities, Iida lords come across pyrokenesis, capable of flaming down the entire world, if not for the Toyamu and Otori. Satan found out about the affair between Amy and Nathan, my mum and dad. They were English. Satan wasn't very happy, and sent Iida, the first ever, and strongest of all Satan apprentices. He alone crept in at night, before the boundaries of god, who was willing to protect my mother and father, Iida poisoned both and im willing to seek revenge.

At 8/6/04 09:22 AM, Eldarion wrote:

Jack, how about a short story competition? You could have a word limit on the story, or give us a scenario and some characters that we have to write about. What say you? :)

That's a great idea. I'm not sure as to how we should hold it. I prefer to give you a basic story line or the beggining of a story so that each contestant could continue it. If anyone dissagrees just say so.

Gamehippy, another interesting story. It can be continued in a dozen different directions. I see great potential in it. I await the rest.

At 8/6/04 12:16 PM, JackOfShadow wrote: I prefer to give you a basic story line or the beggining of a story so that each contestant could continue it.

Yeah, that's better cos it's easier to judge if everyone does the same theme.

I may be interested in a short story competition. But theres other places like this, the late night lounge for example, thats a place to post stories poems and other things. We just did a story cometition it was fun so this one could work.

At 8/8/04 07:10 AM, Slightly_Crazy_Dude wrote: I may be interested in a short story competition. But theres other places like this, the late night lounge for example, thats a place to post stories poems and other things. We just did a story cometition it was fun so this one could work.

Well since short stories are considered literatue as well this club covers them too. So I see no problems with people submitting their own creations. Now if anyone is interested in entering the competition just say so. I'll give you the basic story line shortly after 3 or so members enter the competition.

I like books and reading, can I join?
Sorry to hear your Zelazny club didn't work out. I've read a couple books of his (creatures of light and darkness, first Amber book) and I loved them.

I'd say my favorite author would be Robert Heinlein. My favorite book of his is either Stranger in a Strange Land orThe Moon is a Harsh Mistress.

At 8/8/04 07:30 AM, Einzelgaenger wrote: I like books and reading, can I join?

Wellcome in.

Sorry to hear your Zelazny club didn't work out. I've read a couple books of his (creatures of light and darkness, first Amber book) and I loved them.

Well there just aren't of those who read books around here. This club is barely alive. I see that you have a good taste in books. You should read the rest of the Amber series.

I'd say my favorite author would be Robert Heinlein. My favorite book of his is either Stranger in a Strange Land orThe Moon is a Harsh Mistress.

I love his work! "Magic Inc", "Glory Road" and "Starship Troopers" and some of the best books I've ever read.

I love his work! "Magic Inc", "Glory Road" and "Starship Troopers" and some of the best books I've ever read.

Heard good things about the first one, and have read the latter two. Glory road was excellent. So far, only one of his books has sucked, and that's Farnhams Freehold, which really bit.