"Hardcore Report Card" By Professor of the Extreme, avie.
Welcome once again to another edition of the Professor's "Hardcore report card". This week we cover the ECW on Sci-Fi television program, which scored a 2.4 by the way, saw the Bashams working as Paul E.'s security force (yep, that's whose under those helmets), and a couple of storylines advance. Sit down, pay attention, you just might learn something.
Mike Knox promo: Missed this segment as it was part of the five minutes of show that didn't tape for me, I'm sure it was probably an F- effort, but hey, at least Kelly's Expose is over. Grade: incomplete
Mike Knox vs. Sandman: Even with the bad fucking music, Sandman still has a great entrance, and the fans love it. That was about the best thing I could say about this "match". The work going in was absolutely godawful again, and I was wondering why in the fuck they wouldn't put extreme rules on this bad boy...then Test came out and my question was answered. Grade: D-, it avoids F status because the match must be viewed in context of what it was trying to accomplish.
Test and Knox in the back: Test tells Knox they're going to be dominant, they're going to be unstoppable, they're going to shoot steroids into each other's asses like nobody's business! (I'm making that part up, but I want to get the Test and steroid jokes in now). Tommy Dreamer comes by and beats the shit out of both of them, saving an otherwise crappy segment for me, also appearing to set up a Dreamer/Sandman vs. Test/Knox feud. That's probably the best way to use all four of these guys right now, especially considering ECW will probably get no more then two matches at SS I figure. Grade: B, Test and Knox were good with what they needed to say, and I'm a mark for a Dreamer beatdown.
Paul Heyman segment: I have a friend who's a fellow hardcore ECW follower that isn't liking "crazy Paul E." but I am. I love Paul E. promos, and I kind of like the unpredictable, almost tweener character he's got going now, as it seems to be opening the door to new story possibilities for the brand. I also must applaud WWE for having Paul E. expertly get what Sabu was asking him about across without making Sabu speak. That showed tremendous respect for his character. I also like how Paul E. played paranoid against Guido, it served to give off a bit of a "no face is safe from Paul E.". Plus it helped protect Guido for his next match. Grade: A
CM Punk promo: Not one of the better one's, just informing us he's going to debut next week. Not really even worth giving a grade to. Grade: Pass
Fertig (With Ariel) vs. Guido:
Ariel is dirty hot. ECW probably has some of the hottest broads right now. As for Fertig, I thought he looked good in this squash. Of course, he was fighting a guy who was supposed to be practically unconcious before he got out there, so hard for him NOT to look good. I kind of like the vampire gimmick, but I'm begging them to as quickly as possible make it clear he's not a real vampire to keep it from entering the land of hokey. They wanted to establish Fertig this week, and I think they got the job done, he did some nice spots, and came off well to me. Guido was also protected because it was established he was beaten before the match began. Grade: A-
Kane video package: You know...this whole thing backfired on WWE I think...at least from where this fan is sitting. I'm not saying the video package was bad, it was excellent, WWE production is some of the slickest around. No, where it backfired for me is I think they made Kane, the challenger, look like he belonged in ECW MORE then the champion, Big Show. I wonder if after he drops the belt we can trade with RAW? Grade: A
Shannon Moore: These goddamn things are getting old quick...talk or get the fuck in the ring and work. Grade: F
Balls vs. Justin: I'm glad they're pushing Balls, he deserves it...you know who else deserves a push? Justin Credible! These two had a very solid little wrestling match, but the fans obviously want Balls to be allowed to be a "hardcore chair swinging freak". Hopefully WWE will listen and make sure that guys like Balls who are identifiable by weapon use are given more ability to incorporate that into their act on the TV shows. I like that they managed to give the fans what they wanted (Balls using a chair) to lay Justin out, but then didn't have Justin eat a loss with the DQ finish. I know people think that that sort of thing is blasphemy or bad booking, but I think it's smart since a lot of the ECW guys are still being established, and you don't want anyone identified as a "loser" or jobber. Good match, and I think the booking made sense here. Hitting the ref was also good, because I certainly wanted to see that after the call. Grade: B+
Big Show and Paul E. segment: Ok, I know Show is a heel...but a monster champ shouldn't be whining and bitching. He shouldn't have been practically crying Sunday either. Just my opinion. Grade: B
Big Show vs. Kane, ECW title: Thank God we're back to the belt being defended under extreme rules this week. It should ALWAYS be defended this way, because it is the EXTREME world title. It should be different from the other belts. That being said, Show and Kane tore it the hell up, and had a great bout with a lot of good use of plunder, and some pretty wicked spots. My only gripe with the match is that once again, I think Kane came off as being more "ECW" then Big Show did. Whether that's by design or just an accident, I don't know. It looked like Kane was being somewhat protected here, perhaps he's in line for a sizeable push? Anyway, really good match, not wild about the finish, but they made up for that by having Sabu attack Show and setting up a storyline there. Overall, this was a beautiful piece of work from where I sit. Grade: A+
Show Grade: A-
Brand Grades:
Storyline development: We seem to have a main event program now between two ECW guys...yay!!! Hopefully that can carry us to Summerslam at least. Also got two storylines which would have produced two rotten singles matches combined into a tag team feud, which if Dreamer and Sandman are allowed to brawl and use weapons, could be saved from the fact that they're working with stiffs. Grade: A-
Character and talent development: Fertig looked good, as did everybody else, even in a loss. Grade: A
Belt development: Will give a pass for now.