Here we go, guys...sorry it's a bit late:
RAW Recap for 3/14/06 – “I didn’t see that coming”
Introduction – HBK gets mad
Naturally, Lord Vince decides to force HBK to take a public urination test to test for drugs, as it is obviously the only reason HBK was drugged up last week (obviously). HBK takes a piss in his little pissing booth and just when the doctor is doing the test, HBK grabs the cup and throws it at Lord Vince and Shane-o-matic. HBK wins.
Match 1 – Trish vs. Victoria for the Women’s Title
Let’s see, why is this match here? Is it to push Mickie James more, or is it to push Torrie Wilson as a face when she saves Trish and for us to get our minds off of Mickie James? Thankfully it was the latter, but let’s hope the WWE writers don’t get the bright idea in grouping together Torrie and Mickie James somehow.
*cringe*
Trish def. Victoria, retains title
Match 2 – Whiny Bastard vs. Mr. Shiny
First we start with a “commercial” for Mick Foley’s apparent horrible wrestling career. Then, we come to a match that everyone knew the result to before the match even started. Then, Edge shows a commercial about himself. Can’t someone just take a frying pan and hit him in the face or something?
Edge def. Golddust
More Backstage Bullshit
Trish runs into Maria, who just so happens to be using a Bowflex (noone noticed the obvious marketing tactic). She goes in to the Diva’s locker room, where she finds Trish laid out with a Playboy on her chest. I don’t know what happened, as it is all so subtle, so I can’t really tell you. Sorry. I guess the WWE’s excellent scripting ability got the best of me this time.
Very Unpredictable Stuff Happens On Stage
Yep, this is Cena and HHH signing the WM22 contract. The usual happens. They both sign, HHH flips over the table, and takes out the sledgehammer. However, this time, Big Show and Kane come out for no reason whatsoever. After, Cabana Boy and the Master Fuckup come out to do stuff to Kane and Show. Lord Vince then makes a match for all six of these guys. I did NOT expect this at ALL. I mean, why else would Kane and Big Show come out in the first place? Perhaps they wanted to congratulate Cena and HHH on their recent contract signing. That’s it! They wanted to shake their hands for doing such a good job and leave. Hmm…thinking like a WWE writer…makes my brain atrophy.
Match 3 – HBK vs. Spirit Fingers in a Steel Cage Match
Annoying. Now, I’ll give Spirit Fingers credit in that their collaborative wrestling move made me laugh. Get this: Three of these guys form a pyramid while HBK is on the turnbuckle. Then, a fourth guy runs towards HBK and runs up the pyramid to give HBK a clothesline on the turnbuckle. Interesting, huh? However, the match still sucked. Naturally, after Michels loses (cause he was going to win?), Shane-o-matic comes out and beats him up more.
I would file a grievance policy at this point if I was Shawn Michaels. This is just annoying.
Spirit Fingers def. HBK
I called it!
I KNEW IT. Keep in mind I write this as I watch the show, so I don’t know what comes up after what I’m writing about. Josh is interviewing Trish about Torrie, and she says that Torrie suffered a concussion and can’t compete at Saturday Night Main Event. The Psycho Hose Beast comes up to Trish and asks her to let her be her partner in the match. Trish shakes her hand without word. Trish was apparently pissed off that this stupid plotline is continuing.
OH MAH GAWD!
J.R. is going to come back on Saturday Night Main Event and call the match for HBK and Shane-o-matic. Shane didn’t seem extremely happy at the idea, since Shane is going to beat up J.R. if he calls the match wrong.
Match 4 – Shelton Benjamin vs. RVD for the IC title
Flair comes out to call the match. Coach isn’t pleased. Apparently we’re all watching RAW to see HIM. Actually, he makes me laugh, so I’ll give him some credit.
The RVD/Benjamin match was good, actually. Flair kept it entertaining by threatening Coach from time to time. In the end, Flair tried to attack Benjamin, but ended up helping him cheat to pin RVD. Let’s see how the RVD/Flair feud goes…
Shelton Benjamin def. RVD, retains title
Match 5 – A Whole Lot Of People Going To WM22 Wrestle
I told you what this match was already. I must say, I thought this match was rather lackluster. It started off okay, I guess. HHH gets tagged in, and Cena tags himself in soon thereafter. Of course, HHH tags out. Masters actually pulls off a wrestling move (wow!). Kane and Show start kicking ass when the match is naturally DQ’d by Masters and Carlito with their chairs. Annoying. Eventually the cluster fuck boils down to Cena and HHH in ring. After the 12-minute stare, Randy Orton comes out of nowhere to be annoying to Cena. Even HHH had a look on his face.
Cena/Big Show/Kane def. HHH/Masters/Carlito via DQ
Oh yeah:
Chris Masters Scorecard
Body Shine: Much better. I was getting worried for a while.
Attempted Wrestling Moves: 1 – Wow, a stalling Vertical Suplex! Tittilating!
Fuck-ups: 1 – I consider DQ-ing the match by trying to attack Kane and Show with a chair a fuckup, even though it was scripted.
Overall Score: Still sucks.
Conclusion
It was okay I guess. The last match didn’t leave me amazed, though. Also, most of the stuff was way too predictable. I really want some twists in the plotlines. Actually, correct that: I really want some twists in the plotlines that don’t bore the hell out of me.