At 1/31/06 11:24 AM, TheNewAgeOutlaw wrote:
No objections here.
Thanks! I shall try my best to make it good:
RAW Recap: 1/30/06 - "All that Royal Rumble Stuff You Didn't Want To See The First Time Around"
Opening - Lord Vince addresses his minions
As we start, we see Lord Vince come out in his usual pole-up-the-ass manner. He banters for a minute or two about how important he is and how Michaels loses at life. HBK comes out and surveys his options of how to act right on stage. After making the audience bored, he eventually comes to the conclusion that he wants to fight Lord Vince. Audience pops and Vince looks shocked.
Shane comes out and attacks HBK then dances around for a little while. Surely this will start a whole new storyline between those two, which actually looks promising.
Match 1 - RVD vs. It Wasn't My Fault
RVD did a lot of bouncy moves. He got in a really good kick to the chin when Snitsky caught his kick and RVD did that we-didn't-see-that-coming counter to the counter. He finished Snitsky by doing his usual Kicks of Might, Rolling Thunder, and the Frog Splash.
It almost looked like he actually hurt himself doing the Frog Splash, but maybe it was just me. Either way, good match.
RVD def. It Wasn't My Fault
Match 2 - HHH vs. Edd-*ahem*-Chavo Guerrero
Backstage before the match, HHH decides he's going to attack the closest thing to Eddie, who just so happens to be Ooh Chavo. This is a bad sign, as have the feeling that the WWE is going to milk Eddie's death for all that it's worth. Either way, Ooh Chavo vs. HHH ensues.
The match was good, but it was kind of hard for HHH to sell some of Chavo's moves. It was obvious he was trying his best, but it didn't seem to work for some of the moves. The match ends when Chavo gets up and does the Two Amigos, gets countered by HHH, counters back, upgrades to the Three Amigos, feels froggy, points up to the ceiling to summon Eddie, waits too long, gets punched in the nuts by HHH, is thrown off the turnbuckle, gets pedigreed, kaboom.
HHH def. Ooh Chavo
Match 3 - Big Show and Kane vs. Carlito and Chris Masters for the Tag Team Title
The match was surprisingly good, despite Chris Masters' best efforts. To make a long story short, Show and Kane won via the Double Chokeslam to Masters. However, we can't let a Chris Masters match go by without his scorecard!
Chris Masters Scorecard
Body Shine - Not up to par. He must have run out of body oil.
Attempted Wrestling Moves - 5
Attempted Wrestling Moves that were not the Master Lock - 0
Major Fuck-ups – 1
Overall Score: Still sucks. It'd be nice to see him wrestle for a change.
Show and Kane def. Carlito and Masters
Match 4 - Mama's Boy vs. Goldust
Apparently an encounter with Goldust has left Mama in a wheelchair. Mama's Boy wheels 'er on in right by ringside. Shelton and Goldust fight for a while. I didn't really see what the hell was going on, as I was too busy watching Mama's antics. As Goldust takes advantage, she gets up and violently shakes her flip-flop at Goldust. When Goldust continues to kick ass, you see the shoe flying by Goldust and Shelton. Who throws a shoe...honestly?
Goldust walks over to Mama and gets mad. He turns around to be met by a Chick Kick from Mama's Boy. He then T-Bones him and wins. Don't everyone cheer at once.
Mama's Boy def. Goldust
Ric Flair Woo and his antics backstage
As we watch Mama's Boy drop off Mama to the commode, Ric Flair Woo is currently wooing the Three Wenches of RAW. Mama’s Boy comes by and makes a snide comment about "his" IC title. Ric Flair says "woo" to him, making him disappear off camera almost instantaneously. Afterwards, Ric called Mama's Boy a Mama's Boy, said "woo" a few more times, did a dance, and then left. Comedic gold.
It just goes to show that Flair's Woo-Power is good for two things: attracting the ladies and deflecting the assholes. *Bows to Ric Flair*
The Official "Mickie James Needs A Clue" Celebration(tm)
As we join Psycho, she is sucking up to Trish yet again. Trish comes out with the most horrified look her face as confetti and balloons pollute the stage. Mickie James then had to bring out Spirit Fingers, everyone's favorite random male cheerleading squad. Basically, they came to say that it's time for Trish to say "I love you" to her stalker. As Trish is about tell Mickie off, the Diva Slut Winner Ashley comes out, who apparently forgot to put on her shirt before she came out on stage. She yells at Mickie and gets the audience to say she's a psycho. Mickie cries like a baby then does her Daily Ashley Attack. Anyway, Ashley starts to kick Psycho’s ass and Trish pulls her off. Psycho then thanks Trish for doing that and showing how she truly feels about her.
That's just great. Just when I thought this plotline would actually move, it just circled right back to where it was. Great job, Vince.
And now, the match noone's been waiting for...
Match 5 - Whiny Bastard vs. Old Gimmick
As Cena comes out, I heard two reactions by the audience...the men booing and the women cheering. Pretty much as I expected. As he comes out, you hear the women get louder, which means one of two things: either the male fans actually stopped booing, or the audio guy cut out the low register on the mikes and raised the upper register.
Surely the signs that the fans have given have made the WWE realize noone gives a shit about Cena at this point. So, let's have another match! I won't even bother going through the details until the very end.
As Cena gains his magic powers at the end of the match, he actually does something funny for a change. He blows a kiss at the slut as he's doing the Five Knuckle Shuffle, which actually made me laugh. As he goes for the F2.5, Lita hits Edge in the face with the WWE Title, which gets Cena disqualified. Cena loses but retains title, and everyone looks confused.
My theories about where this is going: Oh, that's right. I don't give a shit.
Edge def. Cena via DQ, Cena retains title
Conclusion
I enjoyed the show, despite certain individuals, including Cena, Masters, and the Spirit Fingers. Seeing people like Ric Flair Woo and RVD made the show really enjoyable, so I can safely say I was pleased.
Sorry it was long...I tried to make it good. Constructive Criticism welcomed.