I was actually a member on Newgrounds for two years. Alternate accounts were what I was using to give out speeches about you people. Now to resume them...
I am writing on behalf of myself and a few of my friends to state that Turkeybean's teachings amount to what a proverbial metaphor in Sanskrit describes as trying to extinguish a fire by feeding it enough wood to glut its appetite. Read on, gentle reader, and hear what I have to say. I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But Turkeybean speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables him to enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of his pals to live in an environment that can, at best, be described as contemptuously tolerant. Does he really know anything about the ideals he claims to support? No, he doesn't. Turkeybean has stated that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. That's just pure defeatism. Well, in Turkeybean's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that if Turkeybean's expositions get any more destructive, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep.
You may be wondering why sadistic gaberlunzies latch onto Turkeybean's animadversions. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why Turkeybean's revenge fantasies symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. The tone of Turkeybean's communications is eerily reminiscent of that of chthonic reprobates of the late 1940s, in the sense that Turkeybean's true goal is to impinge upon our daily lives. All the statements that his rank-and-file followers make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties. To forestall Turkeybean's self-aggrandizing put-downs, it would be immensely helpful to have more people understand that it is abominable and more than brazen to believe that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that Turkeybean should be even slightly inconvenienced. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that he attracts squalid scamps to his little empire by telling them that every word that leaves his mouth is teeming with useful information. I suppose the people to whom he tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, Turkeybean's fantasy is to offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of vandalism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that Turkeybean's pronouncements should be labeled like a pack of cigarettes. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "Warning: It has been determined that Turkeybean's self-fulfilling prophecies are intended to test another formula for silencing serious opposition." To get even the simplest message into the consciousness of wanton, arrogant gasbags, it has to be repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following 50 times, but I wonder if Turkeybean really believes the things he says. He knows they're not true, doesn't he? The answer is not obvious, because it requires surprisingly little imagination to envision a future in which Turkeybean is free to beat plowshares into swords. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that I wouldn't waste my time trying to carry out this matter to the full extent of the law if Turkeybean's sermons weren't parroted by so many crazy criticasters. Still, I recommend you check out some of Turkeybean's philosophies and draw your own conclusions on the matter. Turkeybean is laughing up his sleeve at us. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Whenever someone tells him not to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals, Turkeybean gets all teary-eyed. My, my; how sad. My heart bleeds for him, it really does.
To believe that you and I are inferior to annoying ragamuffins is to deceive ourselves. Adversarial, mischievous oligarchs can go right ahead and convict me for saying that Turkeybean's sycophants believe a conspiracy of meretricious vagrants control banking, foreign policy, and the media, but History, acting as the goddess of a higher truth and a higher justice, will one day smilingly tear up this verdict, acquitting me of all guilt and blame. Now, why all this fuss about a few puerile deeds? Simply put, it's because Turkeybean can't possibly believe that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. He's deceitful, but he's not that deceitful. Let me sum up. This letter is written with the hope that readers will think for a minute about the situation at hand.
