_Barracks Roster as of April 1st, 2035:_
Well, Spring is in the air! The warm days feel good on these old bones. I figured I would have retired long ago, but I've just been having too much fun.
Who would have thought we would make it to the 30th anniversary of the Barracks? So many folks have come and gone, and many have returned. Funny enough, the roster is almost the same as it was 13 years ago - just some different numbers.
We've been through a lot these past years. Just when we thought we were past Covid, a new bug runs rampant through the US. They called it Syphon, which may have been an acronym for "Shit your pants, hon". Instead of coughing or headaches, you just suddenly developed explosive, projectile diarrhea that smelled like Staten Island on a hot summer day. The sale of adult diapers skyrocketed, along with perfume and Axe body spray. While they were never sure exactly how it started, some still speculate that it was caused by Amazon's genetically modified beef cattle. They did feed the masses, and for a while PETA complained, until Jeff Bezos bought PETA and sent them all to the moon base on Elon's luxury space liner.
We survived the Great Secession in 2032, when Kamala Harris was elected as the 49th President by an astounding 32% margin. The Southern states lost their collective minds, claiming again that the election was rigged; but ever since they instituted fingerprint/retina scan registrations for all US citizens in 2024, every vote was legitimate. In a concerted withdrawal, the states previously known as Oklahoma, Texas,Arkansas, Lousiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida and Tennessee broke away, forming the newest third world country, Godsland. All of the big tech companies migrated back to the US, leaving that large chunk of land to fend for themselves. With poor education and social programs, their society quickly polarized to the super rich (oil barons, cattle, mining) and the destitute. We still see the commercials today: "For just $3 a day, you can help feed a starving Godslander and their family..."
In the process of breaking apart, Mexico declared that New Mexico and Arizona were never ours to take, and after a lengthy court battle and years of historical record research, we discovered that they were right. So we had to give them back the land - and only the land. Fortunately, Texas was close by and had plenty of room for the displaced inhabitants - and now most of them are serfs to local farming families.
Elon Musk, and his clone, Happy Man 2, were successful in establishing a vacation hot-spot on the moon. Working with Disney, they built Disney Tranquilica, located at the first moon landing site, Tranquility base. I'm seriously thinking about going with a few of my cousins; at only $200,000 each round trip, which includes the space flight, a night layover at the International Space Station House of Pancakes, and 4 days at the park, it's a real bargain!
We were all worried when they passed the Digital Patriot Act of 2033, which required that all citizens of the US were to have validation chips implanted just behind thier left ear. Every child born since then, and every registered citizen, is now part of the Federal Information Network. We no longer need to carry ID or credit cards or passports - for our safety, we are scanned and monitored where ever we go. I do feel so much more secure, knowing that if someone attempts a crime, the local government will know that immediately and come to my aid. Let's face it, they've been monitoring us for decades, so why not just make it easy on ourselves?
Along with that chip, I had my PNI (personal network interface) installed. It's so nice not needing to buy any hardware to get online or do work. The virtual screens float over my eyes, and the non-verbal thought interface makes it so much easier for me to communicate, especially with my arthritis.
You all knew back in '28 I opted in for my bio upgrades. New synthetic lungs, kidneys, liver and heart make me feel like I'm 40 again, which is a good thing, since I still need to work to pay off the loan to pay for those upgrades. Hey, $2,000 a month for 25 years is a small price to pay for 25 more years of health and happiness. I'll have to figure out what I'm going to do in '53 when this lease runs out - do I opt in to buy the upgrades outright, or re-finance for some better models?
But I'm still so glad that I'm part of the Barracks, with all of you fine folks. We've had a lot of laughs and a lot of tears, but we all stuck together and made it through. EGSC @Guthrie finally opted in to that final neural implant, and now he never needs to sleep (not that he ever did before). But he's less edgy and better adjusted, and as always, is a solid performer.
EGSC @Exedor follows suit as well. He's been helping the newbies at NotSoNewgrounds for decades, and has made friends with all of the underprogrammed AI bots that troll the server. Yes, even "special" programs need love, too - and Exedor has a big heart.
I hope you all have a wonderful April. Oh, and a PSA - remember to slather on that SPF 200 before you go outside - ever since the ozone layer collapsed in '29 the UV radiation has become a real pain. But it does make barbequing so much easier - just marinate your steak, toss it on a metal plate and put it outside on a table; 20 minutes later, perfectly medium rare! How convenient!
Have a great month, and keep up all the good work!
*Salutes*
_Milestones:_
@byteslinger - 250K blams, 1840K saves, 2090K total B/P
@Guthrie - 220K blams, 960K saves, 1190K total B/P
@Little-Rena - 700K total B/P
@Peregrinus - 530K total B/P
_The Roster:_
No. B/P / Gain / Average / Level / Change / Username / Rank / Posts / Level
01) 2,091,770 | 1,687 | 54.42 | A | +013.76 | @byteslinger Sup. Commander | 4 | D
02) 1,190,609 | 2,447 | 78.94 | A | +007.51 | @Guthrie Sup. Commander | 12 | C
03) 903,850 | 0,019 | 00.61 | D | +375.00 | @GameJunkie Sup. Commander | 0 | F
04) 749,350 | 0,335 | 10.81 | C | -032.05 | @Exedor Sup. Commander | 5 | C
05) 700,410 | 0,070 | 02.26 | D | -081.03 | @Little-Rena Sup. Commander | 0 | F
06) 679,610 | 0,042 | 01.35 | D | +223.08 | @Jolly Sup. Commander | 0 | F
07) 533,250 | 0,526 | 16.97 | C | -030.33 | @Peregrinus Sup. Commander | 0 | F
08) 493,089 | 0,040 | 01.29 | D | +011.11 | @Asandir Sup. Commander | 0 | F
09) 462,944 | 0,000 | 00.00 | F | +000.00 | @Big-Boss Sup. Commander | 0 | F
10) 397,250 | 0,424 | 13.68 | C | +355.91 | @Fro Sup. Commander | 0 | F
11) 318,273 | 0,000 | 00.00 | F | -100.00 | @Lizzardis Sup. Commander | 0 | F
12) 297,740 | 0,000 | 00.00 | F | +000.00 | @Decky Commander | 0 | F
13) 278,462 | 0,000 | 00.00 | F | -100.00 | @ZomAlien Commander | 0 | F
14) 239,145 | 0,047 | 01.52 | D | -017.54 | @Jackho General | 0 | F
15) 177,750 | 0,220 | 07.10 | C | -051.11 | @ZJ Colonel | 0 | F
16) 90,196 | 0,220 | 07.10 | C | -051.11 | @EchoTense01 Sup. Commander | 2 | D
17) 58,050 | 0,900 | 30.00 | F | +000.00 | @ADR3-N Sup. Commander -1 | 0 | F
18) 46,657 | 0,701 | 21.03 | D | -050.00 | @solitonmedic Sup. Commander -1 | 0 | F
19) 42,140 | 0,300 | 10.00 | F | +000.00 | @dovod Sup. Commander -1 | 0 | F
20) 22,843 | 0,200 | 06.00 | B | +000.00 | @Anonymous-Frog Lt. GeneralW | 3 | C
21) 18,612 | 0,100 | 03.40 | F | -100.00 | @TheRoboTrickster Colonel -2 | 0 | F
_Top 5 Gainers:_
@Guthrie - 2,447 (41.77% of total)
@byteslinger - 1,687 (28.80% of total)
@Peregrinus - 526 (8.98% of total)
@Fro - 424 (7.24% of total)
@Exedor - 335 (5.72% of total)
Top 5 users accounted for 92.51% of B/P points (5,419 total)
_Top gainers, repeat appearances:_
@byteslinger (147)
@Big-Boss (65)
@Guthrie (58)
@GameJunkie (50)
@Asandir (50)
@Peregrinus (42)
@Exedor (34)
@Jackho (25)
@ZomAlien (24) * 2 Years *
@Decky (16)
@Lizzardis (15)
@Jolly (13)
@Little-Rena (12) * 1 Year *
@ZJ (8)
@Fro (2)
Total gain for month: 5,858 (12 Active Members)
That's 195.27 per day, or 16.27 per day per active member.
(AND YES - APRIL FOOLS! The real roster will be out tomorrow!)