At 6/2/13 02:30 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:

At 6/2/13 11:26 AM, deathbymanga wrote: i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is

I think in your case success and change both go hand-in-hand. Right now, you are not feeling successful because otherwise you wouldn't be posting here asking for advice, right? So the only way to therefore become successful is to change what's not working. I do sense a force of unwillingness from you to take the necessary actions to become successful, which I believe is the biggest obstacle which you must overcome.

"No Excuses, No Limits."

Completely agree with this. A lot of people want success and live the dream, yet they do not want to put in the effort to create the dream. Whatever this success is for you, it will always come at a price.
There's been quite a lot of research on successful people and the secret of their success. What has been found in all of them is they have a certain goal they want to achieve. Secondly, they determine the price they would have to pay in order to achieve that goal. Last but definitely not least, they pay that price. Without these three steps, you'll never achieve success, wether it's changing yourself or attending your friends on their behaviour so you'll get invited by them, or creating a Fortune 500 company.

There is always a price and only those willing to pay will know success.

At 6/2/13 08:00 PM, Sensationalism wrote:

At 6/2/13 03:29 AM, Sequenced wrote: I've pretty much given up on relationships for a while now. Too much effort really and they all seem to run away when I finally tell them what my intentions are.

That sounds super creepy. Like your intentions are to tie them up and cut them and watch them bleed while masturbating or something.

not really. they don't realize that I actually like the most of the time and will continue to try being "friends" until I break it to them because I've had enough of their bullshit.

At 6/3/13 03:15 PM, Sequenced wrote: not really. they don't realize that I actually like the most of the time and will continue to try being "friends" until I break it to them because I've had enough of their bullshit.

You don't need to tell women you like them because women can usually tell right away when men like them. Men make it damn obvious when they like a woman while women send subtle signals that are hard to pick up for most men. I think Vincoid might be able to testify to this; I recall him having a post about the signals that women send.

I like to send mixed signals. Meaning I like women to be unsure of whether I like them or not. Women (or people in general) like mystery and dating is a game; either you know how to play it or you don't. So you should never tell a girl your "true intentions." Once a woman knows she has you and that you'll never leave her for someone else, it is game over for you.

In your particular case, it seems you were friend-zoned and the saying goes that people rarely get out of that zone. The attraction is dead at that point. In other words, the woman sees you as one of her girlfriends and it is very difficult to rid yourself of that status. Most people I know recommend No Contact (NC) in such cases. The idea is that you move on and perhaps she'll reach out to you, wondering why you are not acting like the good girlfriend you should be, and maybe (big maybe) you'll be able to escalate and build attraction. Rarely goes like that but some people manage to do it.

At 6/3/13 04:03 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 6/2/13 02:30 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:

At 6/2/13 11:26 AM, deathbymanga wrote: i want change, but change is not the most important thing in my life that i want. success is

I think in your case success and change both go hand-in-hand. Right now, you are not feeling successful because otherwise you wouldn't be posting here asking for advice, right? So the only way to therefore become successful is to change what's not working. I do sense a force of unwillingness from you to take the necessary actions to become successful, which I believe is the biggest obstacle which you must overcome.

"No Excuses, No Limits."

Completely agree with this. A lot of people want success and live the dream, yet they do not want to put in the effort to create the dream. Whatever this success is for you, it will always come at a price.
There's been quite a lot of research on successful people and the secret of their success. What has been found in all of them is they have a certain goal they want to achieve. Secondly, they determine the price they would have to pay in order to achieve that goal. Last but definitely not least, they pay that price. Without these three steps, you'll never achieve success, wether it's changing yourself or attending your friends on their behaviour so you'll get invited by them, or creating a Fortune 500 company.

There is always a price and only those willing to pay will know success.

There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.

At 6/3/13 03:55 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: ] The idea is that you move on and perhaps she'll reach out to you, wondering why you are not acting like the good girlfriend you should be, and maybe (big maybe) you'll be able to escalate and build attraction. Rarely goes like that but some people manage to do it.

That's what I generally do. The whole reason I started to go eat with them or chill somewhere was because I liked her. Letting me know after a month of me being clueless that she doesn't feel the same way will makes your effort seem worthless. then I generally cut off contact with that said person. I even asked her to have dinner with me. But for whatever reason she mistook it as a friendship request. (This happens to me fairly often).

This one time a few months ago the girl finally told me after like a couple weeks. later on that school year she got into a quick relationship which ended in a couple of weeks lol. Now she starts to casually bump into me or have that attracted look in her eye (which I've never seen before when I liked her) whenever I pass by her. But by that time I've moved on. Her fault.

oh well. girls are fucking indecisive as shit.

At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote: There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.

The same rules apply. Wether it's relationships or financial success, you achieve both in exactly the same way.

You see, financial success and success in relationships both depend on the very same thing: you. It's your personality, your beliefs and your passion that creates the success. You'll need some knowledge about the things you want to achieve, but that's nowhere as important as your character.

------

At 6/3/13 09:13 PM, Sequenced wrote: oh well. girls are fucking indecisive as shit.

Here's your problem; you know this but you don't act on it.

Let me explain. What most men these days don't seem to understand is that men and women are vastly different from each other on every single aspect. When men do know, they don't seem to encorporate this knowledge in their actions. For instance, they way you try to let girls know you like them is by doing the exact same thing people do when they're making friends. If you want them to know you like them, act that way.
Another thing, women are indeed indecisive. This is because of a little thing called energy. Men generally have more masculine energy than feminine energy and women vice versa. Only few men and women have neutral energies and even less men have more feminine energies and women vice versa.
This energy determines the way we act, think and desire. Feminine energy wants to enjoy life carelessly, wants to run wild and not be contained but also wants to be handles with passion and wants to be dominated by masculine energy.
Masculine energy often wants to dominate, live life purposefully, wants to achieve and keep control of their energy.

Because of these different energies, men and women enrich each other. These opposites attract. That's why many couples show different energies, same sex couples often consist of a person with a very masculine energy and one with a very feminine energy.
Masculine energy wants to see the feminine energy run wild, enjoy life and get carried away by it. Feminine energy wants to run wild but be steered in the right direction by the masculine. This causes women to be indecisive, because they want the masculine to show control and to take the decisions. They want to trust the masculine and let their own energy flow freely instead of burdening is with responsibilities, choices, stress, etc.

When you know this, it'd be stupid to blame women for being indecisive. It'd be stupid to want them to make the choices, come after you, tell you they like you etc. They'll never be attracted to you if they'd have to do this. They want you to lead, to take charge, to sweep them of their feet. They don't to have to tell you it's ok for you to try and attract them to you. There is no strength in doing so, you can't dominate or lead them when they do. More important, they can't trust you or your energy if they have to tell you.

So instead of waiting for them to tell you they like you, make them like you. That's doesn't mean you should someway force you of course. But there's a giant difference between taking them out to dinner and hoping that's strong enough of a signal, and sweeping them of your feet with charm, confidence and masculinity.

And as said by DarkSoldier, women know, within the first minute of seeing you, exactly what they think of you. And even before that minute is over they'll know if you like them. What's important to know is that it's a feeling they have, an unconscious process for most. They won't be able to tell you right then and there they do like you or that you like them. However, if they do, your energy, actions, etc. will create attraction or it won't. If you're not sweeping them of their feet with jokes, confidence, charm, etc, their initial attraction toward you will diminish and there's only thing to blame; you created no attraction and chemistry.

So stop blaming the feminine for being what it is and start playing the game the way it's being played.

At 6/4/13 08:31 AM, Cootie wrote: What do you do when a girl literally worships you, but you don't really want to date her?

Stop this: my penis betrays me.

That's all you need to do. You're sending mixed messages. If you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her and basicly friendzone her, keep your dick in your pants. If she doesn't get the message, either stop seeing her at all or accept the fact she'll keep mentioning this to you.

At 6/4/13 07:23 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote: There's a difference here. I want financial success. I want to get a successful job and career and to live my life peacefully. Having relationships is still important to me, but as of now, having a successful career and job is more important. once i have a steady income and a home, food, and cable internet, then i can start putting more effort into friends. and by then, the friends i have now will be long gone living their own lives.

The same rules apply. Wether it's relationships or financial success, you achieve both in exactly the same way.

You see, financial success and success in relationships both depend on the very same thing: you. It's your personality, your beliefs and your passion that creates the success. You'll need some knowledge about the things you want to achieve, but that's nowhere as important as your character.

Dude, yes they both act on the same thing, but they AREN"T dependent on each other. I already have the right frame of mind to start my own business and the passion to start one. What I don't have is the passion or frame of mind to have meaningful relationships because as of now, a successful business is more important to me than a successful relationship. I'm not slacking or putting a lack of effort. I don't exactly like it when people treat me like i'm lazy because i'm socially retarded. 1. I have asperger's syndrome, which means i LITERALLY am socially retarded. and 2. I live in an area where there is very few people i can even relate with because i have interests and ways of thinking that drastically go against the slums and ranch way of life here. Not that I don't mind living out here, actually i do mind, but that isn't the problem. it is that i have to stay here for three more years to finish college and I'm willing to endure that amount of time before i move to a more city-like area

At 6/4/13 01:47 PM, Cootie wrote:

At 6/4/13 11:10 AM, Vincoid wrote:
That's all you need to do. You're sending mixed messages. If you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her and basicly friendzone her, keep your dick in your pants. If she doesn't get the message, either stop seeing her at all or accept the fact she'll keep mentioning this to you.

I guess that would be best. Just don't want her to get really upset like she normally does, but I guess that is inevitable sometimes.

there is always the option of establishing the rules of a relationship with her. not all relationships need to be one guy one girl and it isn't vulgar or wrong to consider a relationship with more than one person, so long as you don't lie to any of the people in the relationship and follow the rules of each relationship set. Some people that are bisexual have boyfriends that agree to them sleeping with women, so long as they don't sleep with men. some people have no problems having two relationships, but they won't have any more than that. rules are made, but not every situation need the same rules

Hello everybody.

Just wanted to say I'm super awesome at giving advice and always happy too. Don't ever hesitate to drop me a message if you're feeling troubled.

Peace!

At 6/3/13 07:38 PM, deathbymanga wrote:

Dude, yes they both act on the same thing, but they AREN"T dependent on each other. I already have the right frame of mind to start my own business and the passion to start one. What I don't have is the passion or frame of mind to have meaningful relationships because as of now, a successful business is more important to me than a successful relationship. I'm not slacking or putting a lack of effort. I don't exactly like it when people treat me like i'm lazy because i'm socially retarded

I'm not implying you don't have the right frame of mind to become financially successful. What I'm saying is that both are dependent of you, your character, your frame of mind, your beliefs and your knowledge.
Looking at it that way I'm saying you might already have the right frame of mind, etc. but lack the knowledge of achieving a meaningful relationship. I'm also not saying that's a problem of any kind since at this moment you're not interested in pursuing a relationship.

But what you must keep in mind is that both DarkSoldier and I have been responding to your messages, which started out as being about relationships with friends and lack thereof. If you then read those messages as if we've been responding to your frame of mind when it comes to financial success, it won't match.
We can only respond with the information in mind that you've given us so far, not the information you have but have not given us. I love to give advice and help where I can, but I can't read minds. Not yet.

At 6/5/13 04:13 AM, Vincoid wrote: I'm not implying you don't have the right frame of mind to become financially successful. What I'm saying is that both are dependent of you, your character, your frame of mind, your beliefs and your knowledge.
Looking at it that way I'm saying you might already have the right frame of mind, etc. but lack the knowledge of achieving a meaningful relationship. I'm also not saying that's a problem of any kind since at this moment you're not interested in pursuing a relationship.

But what you must keep in mind is that both DarkSoldier and I have been responding to your messages, which started out as being about relationships with friends and lack thereof. If you then read those messages as if we've been responding to your frame of mind when it comes to financial success, it won't match.
We can only respond with the information in mind that you've given us so far, not the information you have but have not given us. I love to give advice and help where I can, but I can't read minds. Not yet.

i understand that you were providing useful suggestions about my problems with my friends. at the time i was discussing my financial security, i was discussing ti as a response to my lack of passion towards changing my current standing with my friends, not as a response to your helpful suggestions

Of all places I go to I go to newgrounds...I guess I really am that broken. Well...heres my story.

I've met a girl, and no not just any, the only one I've ever felt feelings for. The only human being who has ever made me happy. We had so much in common, so much going for us, then it all fell apart. All because I lied to her...and now I have to earn her trust back, so just maybe, I can get a second chance at happiness.

It literally feels like I'm dying without her. I don't want to do anything, funny videos aren't even entertaining, games are useless now. I just feel...dead. Every time I see her, I feel that missing part of me fill up again. Every night I thought about her for hours, preventing me from getting any sleep. I want these feelings back, I want that missing part to make me whole again. No longer do I want to live in the shallow darkness I was in. I need her light to shine in me again...

I would greatly appreciate anyone's help, because for once in my life, I am fully broken and weary. My pride is crushed...and I am not afraid to admit that I have shed many tears.

She has told me, maybe one day I will be able to win her back, and I need that to be as soon as possible before I take desperate measures, and completely shut off my emotions like I have my whole life...to keep myself from being hurt.

At 7/1/13 02:26 PM, zmatt007 wrote: She has told me, maybe one day I will be able to win her back, and I need that to be as soon as possible before I take desperate measures, and completely shut off my emotions like I have my whole life...to keep myself from being hurt.

I'm going to suggest something that should be extremely easy for you to do. Be yourself.

Now by that I don't mean, be the sorry mess you are right now. I mean for you to be the person you were before, the one the girl you're talking about was attracted to.
Your problem is fairly simple. I understand that doesn't make it any less painful for you, but hear me out. You screwed up, plain and simple. If you believe that has ruined all your chances with this girl then that'll be the truth. But if you recognize that you simply made a mistake, a new experience in life to learn from, and created a result you did not desire, you allow yourself to take new actions and create a new result. So now you'll have to change your actions and create a new result, the one you've created before.
There's multiple ways to create the same result but there's none as effective as the way you've created it before. So shed off this feeling of failure, stop thinking you screwed up and starting acting like the person she fell in love with. If you don't feel like it, act like it and the feeling will follow suit.

One simple technique to start with is to change your physiology. Your brain affects your physiology and vice versa, so by changing either one, you can improve (or deteriorate) the other.
So stand/sit up straight, take deep breaths through your nose into your gut and up to the cervix, hold for a second and then breath out for a couple of seconds. This'll make you feel more relaxed and more confident. Also make sure to stop looking down. By looking down you access the kinestethic part of your brain, so looking up stops you from accessing all those negative emotions you feel right now.

Use this technique to get going, the rest you know how to do, you've done it before. Keep it up and your life will vastly improve.

Just keep in mind, you want her. But what she wants is the old you, not a pile of rubble. So give her what she wants, it'll make coming back to you much more easy for her.

At 7/11/13 12:45 AM, Entice wrote: I understand. But do you think I can get another shot if I un-beta myself and see her again in a few weeks???

Definitely. You don't even have to wait a few weeks for it.

And when you guys hang out, try and see if you can end the day at a moment where she's really enjoying yourself. It'll leave her wanting more. If you drag it on and she's not really enjoying herself anymore, that's what'll stick with her. So make it easy on yourself.

I've been single for 20 years.

Get on my level, bitches.

ok so if i have a problem do i just post it here?

i posted this in the general section like a moron so i copy pasted my post here

im eighteen and she is my first girlfriend but i have always wanted to get with one girl and stay with her my whole life
i have been with her for around two years and the relationship is very serious we have our own place
she likes this other guy, she doesnt talk to him (like ever) but even so she wont block him on Facebook even when i said block him or i walk and she just retorted with "he hasnt done anything wrong" and of of course my counter-arguement of "neither have i" didnt have much effect. i have no problem with her liking this guy and i told her she cant help it but by not blocking him i feel like she has chosen him over me, she says she loves me and i believe her (i also believe she may have a skewed perception of what love is) she is an incredibly honest and trustworthy person and i know she would never lie to me or cheat on me or anything like that (serious i have never met somebody so honest in my life, tbh its abnormal)
so thats one problem.
another is that she is mind numbingly frigid, i get no action at all ever and haven't since the first few months of our relationship.
we make great friends and i should know because we more or less just friends who share a bed these days
i trust her completely but she has been acting real shady recently deleting her history and sleeping with her phone in her hand under the covers (also she sleeps fully clothed and i never see her naked anymore)
i have tried to get her to be less frigid for me to no avail.
i love her very much, and cant imagine my life without her but im so unhappy and i cant see myself feeling any happier without her
we argue quite a lot as well because she is really stubborn (she'll admit when she's wrong but she never thinks she is>.<)
also if we broke up, as a student who is estranged from my family (who is eighteen and has little experience of independent living ) i would have to move into our spare room and remain friends with her which would make the getting over her even harder
im just really depressed all the time, we have been through so much together from being abandoned from my family being homeless for a few months and each other is all either of us have, neither of us have any friends or anything she helped me turn my life around from being a giant loser pot head with no aspirations to a clean person doing a computing degree and im scared that if we break up il go down the wrong road again
i just need to know if its best to end it or keep trying
this thread might determine the fate of my relationship and/or life so serious answers only please
thanks

At your age she should want sex, a lot. Her being involved with another guy AND having zero interest in physical intimacy with you very strongly suggests she is getting physically satisfied another way.

i doubt it neither of us ever leave the house ever, she would have to be one hell of a cheater to pull it off when I'm the same room haha and she has been like this for over a year now, she's a good person and we are great friends so i would have to keep contact with her some how also rubbing her face into anything is the last of my priorities i care a great deal about her feelings

At 10/24/13 02:41 AM, jambrother2 wrote: she likes this other guy,

i have no problem with her liking this guy
i feel like she has chosen him over me

i get no action at all ever and haven't since the first few months of our relationship.
we more or less just friends who share a bed these days
but im so unhappy
we argue quite a lot
im just really depressed all the time
i just need to know if its best to end it or keep trying

^This sums up your post. I am going to tell you the truth and the truth is often not pretty. You claim to not have an issue with her liking this other guy yet you do have a problem. And you should have a problem about it especially if your relationship is as serious as you say it is.

You say you are unhappy in this relationship. Clearly I would be too. Relationships are supposed to be fun and exciting. You are 18 and reaching the prime of your life; do yourself a favor and do not waste your sex life on your "girl friend" who treats you more like a friend rather than a partner. She does not respect you and you have to stop defending her by saying you trust her and that she is the most honest person out there. You are being played.

Ending this relationship will the best for you. When you try to end it, she will plead for you not to. You have to be firm and take the right course of action—do not look back.

Hi

I think that I could use a bit of help. Im a 19 year old student in my second year of university studying for a combined honours degree in History and Archaeology, and on my course is a certain girl.

Ever since we became friends in the first year ive had feelings for her, as she likes the same things as me, we make each other laugh and all the usual things, now that were into the second year im tempted to make a move but as we share classes i dont want things to become awkwared if i make a move....so what do i do?

At 10/31/13 08:42 AM, SKORGE wrote: Ever since we became friends in the first year ive had feelings for her, as she likes the same things as me, we make each other laugh and all the usual things, now that were into the second year im tempted to make a move but as we share classes i dont want things to become awkwared if i make a move....so what do i do?

Do her actions (not her words) indicate she may like you? You will have to make a move on her either way, at least just to find out if there is some attraction or interest between you two. Take her out someplace (make sure to treat it as a friendly get together, not a date—otherwise the expectations will be too high). Then attempt to become more intimate with her. If she rejects your attempts to do so then it is a clear indication that the interest level is not there.

In sum, act now and make your move. ;-)

At 10/31/13 08:42 AM, SKORGE wrote: Hi

I think that I could use a bit of help. Im a 19 year old student in my second year of university studying for a combined honours degree in History and Archaeology, and on my course is a certain girl.

Ever since we became friends in the first year ive had feelings for her, as she likes the same things as me, we make each other laugh and all the usual things, now that were into the second year im tempted to make a move but as we share classes i dont want things to become awkwared if i make a move....so what do i do?

Ask her out. The worst that could happen she says no, then life will move on. Its better to try and go on knowing the outcome than to regret not asking and subsequently going on forever ignorant of what may have happened.

I am in need of some advice, I would post it in here but it is a pretty long post but you need to whole story of us to get the whole picture, here's is the link, i know i am asking alot for just a forum post but you guys reading it and letting me know what you think, would help alot. http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1354182

I met a girl at the beginning of this last summer while on the Disney college program in Florida. We dated a bit at first, but then I stupidly broke it off just to see what else was out there. We remained friends and even hooked up a couple of times before I moved back to my home state of Utah. She's a Florida native, but we continued to talk and our friendship grew. We skype all the time and even joke about getting married and having kids. She's told me she's interested in making our relationship more serious. She's moving to California in January and is stopping in Utah for a couple of days to visit (wink wink, nudge nudge). Anyways, I'm just wondering when it's appropriate to make things official. Is it okay to do over skype? Or should I wait until she gets here in January? And what should I say? Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend?

At 11/29/13 11:04 AM, CharlieJayTango wrote: I met a girl at the beginning of this last summer while on the Disney college program in Florida. We dated a bit at first, but then I stupidly broke it off just to see what else was out there. We remained friends and even hooked up a couple of times before I moved back to my home state of Utah. She's a Florida native, but we continued to talk and our friendship grew. We skype all the time and even joke about getting married and having kids. She's told me she's interested in making our relationship more serious. She's moving to California in January and is stopping in Utah for a couple of days to visit (wink wink, nudge nudge). Anyways, I'm just wondering when it's appropriate to make things official. Is it okay to do over skype? Or should I wait until she gets here in January? And what should I say? Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend?

First of all in this day and age of technology, it is always tempting to communicate via internet rather then calling or talking face to face. I always prefer to talk about serious matter face to face with a women. She will feel more of a connection with you rather then talking over the internet. Having her feel more connected to you is a big part of moving into a more serious relationship. Talking to her face to face also shows her that you have some balls to let your self be vulnerable.

And what should I say?

Sounds corny but tell her what you really feel but don't get to over whelmed with emotion that it pushes her back. Talk to her with confidence. The way you do that is by telling her the truth about what you're feeling for her.

Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend?

Well after you are done saying your end...shut up and listen to her. Ask her what she feels. If she is responding with smiles and good eye contact then you will feel right asking her to take it to the next level.

Hope that helped.

At 2/14/14 04:21 PM, Entice wrote: Quick question from another thread.

What happens in a situation like this? Do you think she's gonna care that much?

No. Women don't keep track. You can be awesome for years on end but fuck up once and the girl will get pissed as all hell. It works the other way around as well. You show her weakness, cowardice, etc. once but given the chance, you show her power, strength, confidence, honesty, etc. the next time, she'll test you to see if you can show her again. Show her enough times, she'll trust you.

Does honesty work? Sometimes, but is what the other guy said the truth? Or is the truth that you do now fully know what to do, how to approach? So telling what seems to be the truth isn't exactly the answer either. You just have to do what you need to do to get where you want to be without hurting anyone in the progress.

So here's why you have to keep eye contact and why she likes it:

Women have eye contact to be understood and to understand the person they're making eye contact with. You looking at her when she's making eye contact with you creates a deeper connection (which is a start and why people call it love at first sight).
Men have eye contact to assert power. People who are lower on the evolutionary scale (keep in mind that our bodies, our brains, are no adapted to 21st century life but life about 10,000 years ago) avoid eye contact so they won't get hurt. Men who do make eye contact challenge the one they're looking at which only the more powerful men would do and why keeping eye contact with a woman is so powerful. By looking away before she does you subconsciously tell her she's stronger. That's not attractive to most women, especially hot and cute girls who get quite a bit of attention all the time.
Eye contact is key. Why do you think you should never have a fucking stare down with a bear? He'll fuck you up because you're challenging him.

So that's just step one. Most guys' problem is that they think that they need to be the most interesting guy in the world and display that in the first thing they ask the girl which causes them to freeze and shut down. What actually is most important is that she feels wanted, that she feels like you're interested in her. You can't do that by telling her all about yourself, you do that by asking her about herself. And that's where the truth comes in; ask her about her. Tell her she seems interesting/hope she's interesting and ask her about anything you want. It can be something completely ridiculous, it can be anything as long as you're actually interested in it.

From there on out it's not to hard. You guys know how to talk to anyone and a girl you like is no different except for the fact that you're actually interested in getting to know them. So just chill and be yourself, enjoy the moment, have fun. That's all girls want anyway.

TL;DR: No, now talk to her.

At 6/25/14 04:39 PM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Bumping this because a user, who will at present go anonymous, has had some relationship problems, and I didn't want him to feel like he's necroposting, so I'll do it ahead of him so he feels free to post here.

This user you mention is not me, but I have to post here anyways. So I'm going to, hope you guys can help.

So as all stories like this start, there is/was a girl. Her and I met through mutual friends, and we became very close to one another as time went by. At the start of our friendship, I knew I had a thing for her. This was about March, and we rapidly became closer and closer as time went by. We grew mutual affection for each other, and eventually one day (after I had shown her Ghostbusters for the first time) she made the first move. This was about May, and it was great. We never spoke of making it "official" and we didn't refer to each other as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", but we were in every sense except the label.

May bled into June, and we continued down the same path. It's probably worth mentioning that this girl is not entirely mentally stable (one can only ask so much from teenage girls) and she struggles a lot with maintaining that. I'd always been there to help her through whatever means necessary, but she felt she was putting a burden on me. Normally I'd feel like it was a burden, but with her it didn't feel that way. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like someone actually felt about me in the same way that I felt about them. Notice, however, this is past tense.

End of June comes, I had a graduation party thing and i introduced her to most of my family and all that, just as a friend of course. Given our closeness, there were the wandering eyes and knowing looks from some of the party guests, but I shrugged it off. That night she tells me she wants to make it official-er than it was before, and I was all for it. Nothing much changes except now we can call each other by that publicly and tell other people about it.

July comes. Everything is great. On Sunday night, however, I had a very wild and unexpected night in which I did some awful things (unrelated to her entirely, but still nonetheless). I made a choice to quit doing drugs for the time being, but in one final hurrah I smoked a lot of marijuana and ended up freaking myself out beyond belief. That bled into Monday morning in the wee hours with me crying in my mother's arms. Not fun.

Monday hurries on, and I'm determined to fix everything in my life having felt like I've hit rock bottom. As always, I am talking to her. She tells me she's not doing okay, and I ask about it and tell her I'm there. Among other things, she basically told me she couldn't do the relationship anymore. Considering I care about her happiness, I put on a brave face and said "Yeah, I understand." Deep down, that was not the case. We were planning on hanging out Tuesday (yesterday, now) and were still going to. She told me we would stay best friends, and I sure as hell was hoping so. I'd heard that said from girls in the past, and I have said that to girls in the past, but that never worked out as you can imagine.

So while I spend Monday night videocalling with another close friend and basically feeling terrible, Tuesday comes. I spend all day waiting for us to hang out that night. And I pick her up, and it feels okay. I gave her lots of hugs, and she helped me shave my head (my hair had been growing to a terrible length, and I always shave my head so I told her she should help me, she obliged a long time ago). Things were good, or as good as they could be. I still felt very raw from the whole thing, and I had to physically restrain myself from holding her hand as we walked down the street or pulling her in for a spontaneous kiss. That was really the hard part, because otherwise it felt pretty much the same as it always had. Minus the cutesy comments, which I miss in a way too.

On the drive home I voiced my concerns about us staying friends, and she wholeheartedly promised me that we were going to stay as close as we were leading up to when we took things up a notch. She told me I'm still the most important person in her life, and that she just couldn't handle it at the time being. I left feeling good, if not a bit empty (as to be expected).

I wake up this morning and I'm not exactly terrible, but I'm still feeling kind of stung. I'm sure you guys are all familiar with the empty, hollow feeling. I haven't eaten much in the past few days (on account of well, literally everything falling apart as I'm trying to fix it). She told me she still likes me, but then again said she's really confused. I know for a fact that I still like her, just as much as I always did. And I was genuinely feeling better last night.

But now, here I am. Trying to stomach my breakfast, dreading going to work where I'll be alone with my thoughts. And more than 70% of them will be about her, I know. I would appreciate if someone would help out, although I don't know with what. If anybody sees this and has any questions, then I can clarify. I know this was a bit of a scatterbrained post. Sorry, I guess I just need some sort of outside perspective.

Fitting tracks to my life right now: What Have I Done to Deserve This by The Pet Shop Boys and Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths.

At 7/9/14 12:10 PM, saltovergray wrote:

I would appreciate if someone would help out, although I don't know with what. If anybody sees this and has any questions, then I can clarify.

This is what I would class as a soft breakup. Some breakups tend to end very sour, but this one not so much. You could either try to get back into a relationship with her or move on and find other women.

I get that you still like her and that is normal but if you want to get back together, I advise you distance yourself from her (cutting communication). Once she starts to miss you, there is a probable chance that she will want to get back with you. Your mysterious behavior may increase her attraction to you. After all, women love mystery.

So update on the girl that I was dealing with. I'll provide a summary at the start: Girl and I try to stay friends, she's clearly trying to get away. Mutual guy friend between us has a thing for her, makes a promise to me he won't make a move. They get together, I call her out on it and suddenly everyone gives a shit and feels bad for what they've done to me.

I told him rightfully to fuck off but I initially gave her some chance. But I couldn't keep doing it, I couldn't let her stay my friend and tell me I'm the most "important person" in her life if she's going to treat me like garbage, lie to me, and go behind my back while trying to run away from me. So today, after giving it a day of "we'll see if we can be friends" I told her to fuck right off and leave me the hell alone.

I'm glad I did it because I don't need either of their shit nor both of them together in my life at all. But it still hurts that people could even do this to me. Help me get through this NG. How do I just tell myself that I'll be okay? Ever since she actually broke up with me I've been a mess and things have been getting worse and worse. Now that I've got them out they should get better but at the same time it's like I've gotten rid of a huge part of what's become my life. How do I just bounce back from this whole thing?