*The scene, a church. It is fairly empty. We cut to a sermon, and then to a man in the doorway. Light shines from behind him in some mystical effect. Cut to the fire-and-brimstone bishop, who leaps into action like Ron Jeremy on steroids.*
Bishop: "AND LO!!"
*Cue dramatic music, which slowly rises to a creshendo. It cuts abruptly. Cut to a man in the stalls.*
Man: "Lo, what?"
*Cut back to Bishop, as he walks down the aisle, making valiant and occasionally obscene gestures. Our camera scrolls with him.*
Bishop: "Behold, unworthy mortals, as your saviour returns to thee! An unprecedented master in the arts of literature, a boy that we are proud to call, a Storyteller for the ages! Cower and fall to thy knees, as thou blesst this newcomer, the prodigal son! All hail to thee!"
*The bishop stops in front of the stranger.*
Steven: "No, it's alright. I'm only here for five minutes anyway."
Bishop: "...Really?"
*The bishop removes his hat and looks upset.*
Bishop: "Bloody great shame that, squire. I was full of vim and everything."
Steven: "I expect so, but I'm only really here for re-introducing myself."
Bishop: *hopeful* "To religion? To take in once more, the light and hope of Our Lord, Jesus Christ?"
Steven: "Not really. Atheist and all that, but anyway."
*He turns to the audience.*
Steven: "Typical. People are always trying to get attention to themselves in such stupid ways, and they never get to the point."
*He turns to the man in the stalls.*
Steven: "Do you know where the LNL is these days?"
Man: "Still the same room as ever."
Steven: "Ah, thanks."
Man: "Are you walking?"
Steven: "No, I'll be going by Quick Cut today."
Man: "Same as ever, the easy way out."
Steven: "Damn straight."
*He walks out. We cut to New Grounds City, the BBS Forum. Link to several hallways, and some important looking meetings (topics). Steven walks down one corridor, and spots a sign.*
Sign: "Late Night Lounge."
Steven: "Must be the place."
*He opens the door and steps inside the meeting room. There is a woman comforting a drunk on the floor.*
Steven: "I'm back."
-X-: "Ffffffffffffffuckorf!"
*He throws a bottle at Steven - it misses, and Steven walks out quietly. Close-in on the woman.*
Quisty: "Why do you always do that to people these days?"
-X-: "'COS I RULE THE F'CKING WORLD!"
*We cut to a picture of the Earth. It is being measured by -X-, using a ruler and a compass.*
-X-: "Approximately seven megametres as usual."
*Cut to a blank screen with a super-imposed caption.*
Caption: "The scriptwriter would have liked it to be known that the previous material was not in fact intended to be offensive or humourous in any ways at all, and that he wished to apologise to everyone involved. However, with a sudden surge of bad luck, he suffered a fatal heart attack."
*We cut to Steven. He pounds his chest and makes several bizarre noises, including a camel, a dog, a cat, a high-pitched squeak and a gunshot. Finally, he falls over sideways, off-screen. We cut to a monkey in the city. Zoom-in on him as he looks sideways suspiciously.*
And the moral of the day is - never write your re-introduction as a sketch in one go, first time around.
Oh, and I'm back. Hey, everyone.