At 4/14/07 11:16 AM, Khayn wrote: I wanna join!

Let's find out if you can.

listening to Tierra Santa

Yes.

Rata Blanca

Yes.

Manowar

Yes.

Dimmu Borgir.

Old, yes.

You like alot of traditional/power bands. Judging by these I'd say Bill will let you in, but I'd like to see some more bands.

I also suggest to you Blind Guardian, Rhapsody, Helloween, Hammerfall, Gorgoroth, Dragonlord, and Celtic Frost.

At 4/14/07 11:17 AM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:58 AM, Lost-Thought wrote: Lamb of God and Lordi are good

I do not think they are good.

plus Behemoth are playing as well

But that's a different story, Behemoth are even better than Nile.

holy shit. Behemoth's playing? i aint gonna fucking miss that. i dont care how much gas is.

At 4/14/07 11:28 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote: holy shit. Behemoth's playing? i aint gonna fucking miss that. i dont care how much gas is.

I live in Australia....

At 4/14/07 09:24 AM, Goatchrist wrote:

At 4/14/07 09:17 AM, PenisClown wrote: That really, really isn't very funny.

;)

Apparently Ponosclown doesn't go to 4chan very often, otherwise he'd get the joke.

At 4/14/07 11:23 AM, batman64 wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:16 AM, Khayn wrote: I wanna join!

D

I'm more into spanish Heavy Metal right now, listening to Tierra Santa, Rata Blanca and crap like that.

But besides that, i'm all over Manowar and Dimmu Borgir.

List at least 10 Metal bands you like and we shall see.

Ok:

1- Dimmu Borgir.
2- In Flames
3- Gorgoroth
4- Nocturnal Rites
5- Blind Guardian
6- Manowar
7- Iron Maiden
8- Grave Digger
9- Rata Blanca
10- Tierra Santa

Is this good? ^-^

At 4/14/07 10:58 AM, Lost-Thought wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:48 AM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:35 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote:

Lamb of God and Lordi are co-headlining with Ozzy. Second stage is Hatebreed, Mondo Generator, Ankla, Circus Diablo, Nile and The Showdown.

Nile is the only good band playing.

Lamb of God and Lordi are good, plus Behemoth are playing as well

Well if it ain't the invasion of the suck. Behemoth stopped appealing to me right after they made Bewitching the Pomerania.

Man, Wacken is so much better than Ozzfest, I hope I have the funds to go to the next Wacken.

At 4/14/07 11:36 AM, Khayn wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:23 AM, batman64 wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:16 AM, Khayn wrote: I wanna join!

D

I'm more into spanish Heavy Metal right now, listening to Tierra Santa, Rata Blanca and crap like that.

But besides that, i'm all over Manowar and Dimmu Borgir.

List at least 10 Metal bands you like and we shall see.

Ok:

1- Dimmu Borgir.
2- In Flames

Total mallcore^10 but acceptable.

3- Gorgoroth
4- Nocturnal Rites
5- Blind Guardian

All three are good

6- Manowar

I LOVE MANOWAR.

7- Iron Maiden
8- Grave Digger

Yum, have you ever heard Grave Digger's Rheingold or Excalibur?

9- Rata Blanca
10- Tierra Santa

Never heard, I'm guessing they're metal.

Is this good? ^-^

Much, but lose the cat ears.

At 4/14/07 11:32 AM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:28 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote: holy shit. Behemoth's playing? i aint gonna fucking miss that. i dont care how much gas is.

I live in Australia....

ooo...i'll send you a tape (or DVD depending on which camera i use) of it if i go.

At 4/14/07 11:38 AM, ElGhoulio wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:58 AM, Lost-Thought wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:48 AM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 10:35 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote:

Man, Wacken is so much better than Ozzfest, I hope I have the funds to go to the next Wacken.

of course it is, but Ozzfest comes a shitload closer to me then Wacken, plus it is cheaper and has some bands I like and others that won't cause me to rip my ears off this year

Much, but lose the cat ears.

Lol, all right.

And yeah, i LOVE Excalibur, it's the song that atracted me to them, mostly because i can make that kind of grunt without fucking up too much with my vocal chords.

Oh and, Satirycon too...

I've got some pictures of a show i went to with a friend :D

http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b81/angelda vid2/?action=view&current=1176566155.pbw

Oh yes, i think that slideshow really catches the feeling of the band.

At 4/14/07 09:36 AM, PenisClown wrote: Who is better? King Diamond, James LaBrie, ZP Theart, Bruce Dickinson or Rob Halford?

King Diamond. He has, like, a billion-octave vocal range that he can use without sounding like a douche. Plus, he sounds like M. Manson, whom I was a huge fan of a few years ago.

At 4/14/07 11:43 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:32 AM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 11:28 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote: holy shit. Behemoth's playing? i aint gonna fucking miss that. i dont care how much gas is.

I live in Australia....

ooo...i'll send you a tape (or DVD depending on which camera i use) of it if i go.

send one to me too D:

plz

i know this would be considered spam in this forum, but i found something that just kicks ass. I might be able to appreciate it more because i'm the type of idiot with the right skills to actually do something like this. I think I'm in love...

At 4/14/07 11:34 AM, ElGhoulio wrote: Apparently Ponosclown doesn't go to 4chan very often, otherwise he'd get the joke.

I don't go to 4chan. Explain it to me.

At 4/14/07 11:43 AM, maverick-mechanic wrote: ooo...i'll send you a tape (or DVD depending on which camera i use) of it if i go.

Shit really? You're too kind, mate.

And to the new guy, nice list, though placing Dimmu Borgir above Gorgoroth is EXTREME AND UTTER BLASPHEMY.

The correct order of your 3 BM bands are:

1. Gorgoroth
2. Satyricon
3. Dimmu Borgir

But spaced out like this:

1. Gorgoroth

2. Satyricon

3. Dimmu Borgir

At 4/14/07 12:02 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: i know this would be considered spam in this forum, but i found something that just kicks ass. I might be able to appreciate it more because i'm the type of idiot with the right skills to actually do something like this. I think I'm in love...

oooo i would like to ride that one

At 4/14/07 12:04 PM, Origina-l wrote:

At 4/14/07 12:02 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: i know this would be considered spam in this forum, but i found something that just kicks ass. I might be able to appreciate it more because i'm the type of idiot with the right skills to actually do something like this. I think I'm in love...

oooo i would like to ride that one

hell yeah. eventually though the wind resistance will become too great and the cart will nose up into the air at god knows what speed. and if that didn't kill you the ensuing explosion will but yeah i'd love to ride it.

:send one to me too D:

sure where do you live.

At 4/14/07 12:09 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: sure where do you live.

You could always make it as a DVD, rip it into your computer, and then email it to us.

sorry more spam, but this has humor. no more immature BS. since there are mostly guys on here i figured you all will appreciate this:

We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - we are now
going to hear the rules from the man's side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. Put it back up when you're finished.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really!!!
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance
is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper
ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular
floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have
jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men
have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that woman are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

a girl wrote this one:

Men are just happier people....what do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress: $5000 Tuxedo rental: $100
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
On wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Decmber 24th in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friend all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and distant. I asked him what was wrong and he said "nothing". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him... he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed so removed and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I attempted to confront him with the situation, but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I, too, fell asleep.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Played a horrible game of golf today! Shot a 95. Can't putt for shit. Got laid though......

hope you all enjoy it haha

At 4/14/07 12:14 PM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 12:09 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: sure where do you live.

You could always make it as a DVD, rip it into your computer, and then email it to us.

didn't think of that. i'll have to see what my freinds are up to before i make any plans though. i mean yeah it'll be cool going to Ozzfest, but who wants to go it alone? that's no fun.

And to the new guy, nice list, though placing Dimmu Borgir above Gorgoroth is EXTREME AND UTTER BLASPHEMY.

The correct order of your 3 BM bands are:

1. Gorgoroth
2. Satyricon
3. Dimmu Borgir

But spaced out like this:

1. Gorgoroth

2. Satyricon

3. Dimmu Borgir

Heh...

I think i forgot to speak about The Darkness and Twisted Sister...

You actually bought that? Lol...

At 4/14/07 12:19 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: didn't think of that.

That's what good 'ole Penusy is for.

And that other post is pretty damn funny, especially the 'Diary' thing.

At 4/14/07 12:40 PM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 12:19 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: didn't think of that.

And that other post is pretty damn funny, especially the 'Diary' thing.

oh i've got plenty more where that came from, but for now thats good. one enormously long post per page.

but this is a new page now hehe.
If men wrote advice columns

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

Blow Job Ettiquette Twisted Evil

(By A Female)

1. First and foremost we are not obliged to do it.

2. Extension to rule ..1 - So if you do get one be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw but it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule ..3 - No I don't have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles

6. Extension to rule ..5 - Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally I don't want to puke on your prick.

7. I don't care how relaxed you are it's NEVER ok to fart.

8. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I have ruined it for you

9. No it doesn't particularly taste good and I don't care about the protein count.

10. No I will not do it while you watch t.v.

(By A Male)

1. First of all, yes you're obliged to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting, Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankfull i'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavour country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we have had better.

11. If you swallow you won't have to worry about getting any on your face will you?

What Kind of Sex!

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear, " the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is, " she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for "small, $6, 500 for "medium, $14, 000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah, " she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."

Bullfrogs & Blowjobs

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well, " said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month, " he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

ok! there she blows hehe.

At 4/14/07 12:47 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: oh i've got plenty more where that came from, but for now thats good. one enormously long post per page.

Do not post, simply link.

At 4/14/07 12:50 PM, PenisClown wrote:

At 4/14/07 12:47 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote: oh i've got plenty more where that came from, but for now thats good. one enormously long post per page.

Do not post, simply link.

i can't i have this stuff in a word document.

At 4/14/07 12:50 PM, PenisClown wrote: Do not post, simply link.

Too late.

Still, funny stuff.

At 4/14/07 10:31 AM, batman64 wrote: Now it's time to rant a bit. Me and my old guitarist for my band Death Squad were going to see the Heaven and Hell tour. We were all worked up til i called about ticket prices. I damn near shit when i got the numbers, 95 bucks for upper seats and damn near 200 for main floor, I'm sorry but that is fuckin rediculous,

What the gay shit? I payed 60 plus taxes for the floor. I cant believe the ticket price range is so dramatically in different places for the same show D: !
Is the stadium goddamn plated with gold and gems?

At 4/14/07 01:55 PM, ShitOnAStick wrote:

I cant believe the ticket price range is so dramatically in different places for the same show D: !

Haha. Grammar :D

At 4/14/07 05:07 AM, AllMightyBruce wrote:

At 4/14/07 03:07 AM, KingOfTheKill wrote: Listen.

I can't believe you listened to that 500 times in a week.

541 to be exact. It's the best album I have ever heard. There'll be another 500 this week too, I downloaded their other two albums a few night ago.

At 4/14/07 02:26 PM, deus-ex-machina wrote: New Pig Destroyer album June 12th... if anyone cares. It's called Phantom Limb.

looks nice
gonna search for that