Even though I occasionally berate you for things, I still love you like you're part of my ridiculous internet family. So don't kill yourself, because suicide is fucked up and we all care about you.

Kidd, despite the fact that I rip on you and smeagol for your obsessive viking-ness worship (don't get me wrong, that's really fucking annoying), I don't hate you. No one hates you and surely no one wants you to die.

Please don't.

Take it easy, Kidd. Not one person or situation is ever worth your life. Shit is never as bad as it seems while it is happening, believe me. I've been through some shit as has everyone in this thread and most people you'll meet in your life. Keep your head up and above, and do what you have to. That's what is important. You're too damn young, you have too much in front of you to do anything this stupid. Chill out, take a step back, relax. Look at what's in front of you. There's always going to be something better ahead.

Take it easy, man.

At 5/11/08 05:12 PM, Goatchrist wrote: Too bad that it didn't work, Kiddo, huh?

Seriously, why the fuck did you do this, at all?

Pre-scripture: This is a bit long.

Well,For the past 2 years or so, my life's just been crap EVERY DAY, from when I wake up, until I go to sleep, I've always just hidden it away and played happy.

A normal schoolday for me every day goes like so,They never get better, just worse:

I wake up, because my stepdad's screaming at my mom, and when he sees I'm up, he starts screaming at me. It's always Something different every morning, the guy has some serious fucking authority/Anger management issues, then because he keeps screaming at me, I can't focus, and Get a little late-ish for school, then my MOM starts screaming at me.

In the car on the way, My stepdad makes these little accusation remarks towards me,blaming me for every problem we have as a family, and My Siblings always support him, because if they don't he'll spoil them less.

I go to school, My classmates and sometimes teachers make poke fun at everything I do, Whether I do it in school or not, because They think I don't care, but It still fucking hurts.

4 Hours of school later,Lunchtime. I don't have anything to eat, or any money to buy anything, so I don't eat anything, another 4 hours, and It's time to go home.

I walk home in the depressing Rain/snow/cold/Wind and sit down at the computer, No human contact, 'Cept for the occasional "Turn that shit down" or "You did this, and are guilty of this" from my Stepdad, that or he calls me useless and stupid, or tries to make up for how pathetic he is by walking all over me in some other way.

I go downstairs, Dinnertime.
My Stepdad makes these little remarks, insults, and such.

Then he just keeps telling me about how he's not going to finacially support me in my future education, and such, my family disregards this, and watches TV, but he's serious, Fucking prick, He's a fucking doctor and gets more than 13 thousand dollars a month, AFTER taxes, And I still have to pay and work for everything I have, At age 16.

I go to sleep.

My weekends are the same,Minus school, and plus getting really drunk and doing stuff that I regret and am made fun of for doing, Sometimes for months.

I have no hope for anything, I've realized by now that I have no future.
I used to think "It's ok Kidd, you're a good guitarist, you can do that" because that's all I've ever wanted to do with my life, Make music.

I've realized I can't do that because of two reasons:
I'm not very good at all, I mean, I have audio here on NG, that no-one listens to ever, 'Cept myself when I'm up-voting it because I don't want to feel as bad as I really am.

And besides that, there's the matter of location, I live in some shitty place in Rural Iceland, Iceland in it's whole has a tiny music scene, that's entirely some indie crap, I'll never make it, or even be accepted anywhere.

I don't have a "Plan B", and I don't want one, I have no other skills whatsoever,I don't want to settle for mediocrity, living a life, Doing a job that I hate, If I even get that far, I have no money, and I'm not old enough to work anywhere that pays enough for it to actually fund my future.

I'll always be alone.
I've figured that out by now, I have like 3 friends, I've never had a girlfriend, Sure, I've had my heart broken a few times, but I've never been loved back.
everyday, I have to see how happy everyone else is, they smile and laugh, My friends tell me about their girlfriends, Everyone around me talks about something they did last weekend or something, and how much fun they've all been having while I've been home alone, or at one of my loved one's funerals.

It's like everyone else has life like it's supposed to be, It's a party, and I'm not fucking invited.

Seeing a shrink won't help me, some chick telling me that being mediocre is okay, and that I have to try not to think about it or something, and that I should look at the bright side of life, after I told her all of my secrets; How I'm adopted because I have no Idea what happened to my dad, I don't remember him since I was 7. How I accidentally killed my little brother, How my stepdad used to beat the shit out of me when I was little..

..and about all the times I've tried to kill myself, Cutting mostly (Call me emo if you want, I guess I deserve it.), But I've tried to poison and Hang myself before.

Nobody cares about me,when I say I want to die, then suddenly everyone does, They don't actually try to stop being less assholes to me every fucking day of my life, but look me in the eyes and say "Don't kill yourself, I care about you" then when my melancholy is all forgotten and buried, then they go straight back to being assholes, When they bother to talk to me.

If I killed myself, without telling anyone, No-one would care, sure, they might add a little cross icon to their MSN names for about two days, but they'd be over it faster than you can say "Dishonest son of a bitch".

Nothing seems to work out for me, I guess I just have pretty shitty luck or something, I'm always disappointed with everything I do, no matter how much I, and others lower my expectations, my friends betray me, anything new I buy dies on me.

I'm not like this because I had a traumatic Experience, I didn't get raped or something, It's just that for my entire life, I've been a doormat for those around me, I've been crushed Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically countless times, and every one of my efforts for a better life proved futile.

I don't just lay around and complain, I Try to make things better, but It just never works.
And now I'm down to this.
This life isn't worth living, I'm going to die anyway, so why not skip about 40 years of Hopelessness, Doing something I hate, until i retire from Old age and have to be taken care of, Doing nothing but waiting for death?

At 5/12/08 12:05 AM, Kiddmeizter wrote:

At 5/11/08 05:12 PM, Goatchrist wrote: long

Dude, things will get better, what I would do in your situation is stay alive long enough to get a good enough paying job to move out of your parents house, and start working towards a good life, maybe move away from your town. One of the things my dad tells me is that no matter how bad things in your life are, you can always change it, just put your mind to it, and this has worked for me countless times

At 5/12/08 12:05 AM, Kiddmeizter wrote: This life isn't worth living, I'm going to die anyway, so why not skip about 40 years of Hopelessness, Doing something I hate, until i retire from Old age and have to be taken care of, Doing nothing but waiting for death?

Alright man, you are seemingly very seriously about this, so here are a few tips. First of all, therapy does help, regardless. It will help you express your emotions and, if nothing else, give you some actual support locally. If your family situation is as you say it is (and I don't have any reason to believe it isn't), get your stepdad to pay, or get it through your school. The important thing here is, get help. It would be a big fucking mistake for you to try and do everything by yourself. I'm not saying you're crazy or unstable or anything like that - you aren't - but therapy helps plenty of people (a ton of them very normal people, no different from anyone else), and its a good thing. It almost always is. Its not all drugs or condescending bullshit. Its a person to talk to, and its an objective support system. If its done right, it can make a world of difference.

Get help if you can.

Secondly, you have to remember that you dictate your life. Don't want to do something you hate for 40 years? Don't! Nobody says you have to. Remember your family is always a temporary condition, that everything for the most part is temporary except for your life. You.

Don't wait for death, do something you enjoy. You aren't the next fucking Muhammed Suicmez? So what. Practice. Join a band with friends. Join a band over the internet. Do something, get involved with something you like. I grew up in a rural area too, and I had to entertain myself a lot. That's problematic, but not terrible. Find something to do that you enjoy a lot and just do it until you can get out of the situation. You don't have that long to go.

Don't worry about women. You're 16. You have your WHOLE LIFE to get laid. Not a big fucking deal. Girls will always be there - don't sell yourself short. It sounds like you need a lot more confidence in who you are. Once you get that, girls and others will react to it favorably likely and you'll feel better. Start by reminding yourself you are a good person of worth. It might sound corny, but it certainly can help. Don't worry about girls at all, that shit is probably the most temporary thing you'll have to worry about.

Finally, it isn't ever about waiting for death. Its making most of the life you have. Spiritual or not, I don't care if you're the holiest Christian (and I know you aren't), nobody fucking knows what happens after we die. No one. So take what you have now and make the best of it. Enjoy your experiences. Do what you like. Don't try to cut yourself short because you think its pointless. It isn't.

At that age I was nihilistic for a while too. But you'll find out shortly that its OK to not change the universe. You don't have to make this big fucking statement or change the course of human history to be an effective, well-respected and loved human being that has an impact on everyone around him. You'll soon realize that life is worth it just because its there, its something to enjoy and embrace, not something to run from or avoid. Its never pointless. Its never without merit. Life will always be what you make it, so do your best. Imagine never hearing another song. Never listening to music again. Never feeling good when you write some music that works. How about giving up the chance to do everything you want? How about giving up the chance to have the experiences that will define you?

Would it be worth it to give it all up? I can't see how it could be. And I hope you agree. You're just a kid, man, relax. You're too fucking young. Take it easy. Things are going to get better. That I am sure of.

this better not be an epic trolling - otherwise you're permabanned. Keep your head up.

Hmmmm Kidd maybe having us on? Trying to get our attention? Playing with our heads?

If you're not man, I recommend to you to try and plan out what you're going to do with your life. Look for work, maybe drop school if that's possible. Find a career you're interested in, or just find a way to make money.

Move away, go somewhere you actually want to live. In two years you're legally an adult and can do what you like.

If making music is your life, then listen to me now: practise makes everything. If you play your guitar alot, you will get good enough.

You can make your life work if you want, you've got countless more years in which to turn everything around and be happy.

If you think life will bring you no happiness, that you will never love someone, have a family, and live your dream, then kill yourself. But you'll never have my sorrow, only my pity.

If your joking, then lol, good one man.

Imperium has said it the best. Listen to that mofo, I agree with him 100%.

Kidd, don't do anything extreme now.
Things could always be a lot worse.

Dwell on the positives. Listen to those heart pumping tunes.

<3

At 5/12/08 04:02 AM, PenisClown wrote: Imperium has said it the best. Listen to that mofo, I agree with him 100%.

Yeah, that was really well said.

I have one question though; Kidd, weren't you the one who bought the Xiphos just recently? If yes, I guess that is where all your money went.

I do know the feelings you have, I had the same shitty times in my life (I guess all of us had those) but you really just have to realize that it's YOUR life and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. I moved to this city about half a year ago, but to be honest, it fucking sucks. I have rarely met any people that I could call friends and most of the time I'm sitting at home, doing nothing. I came back to this place 3 days ago and since then I haven't talked to anyone in real life or met anyone. It is depressing, I know. But that's why I take my fucking life and move out! I know, it's probably gonna take you some time until you can safely move out, but trust me, IT'S FUCKING WORTH IT. Everything's better once you can make all decisions yourself, without having "parental" guidance breathing down your neck.

By the way, I need a blistering, Slayer/Bathory-esque guitar solo for my new track and was thinking of having a guest solo on there. Are you interested, by any chance?

I'll do your solo.

I have a really good guitar. With a wammy bar. And I can solo pretty well, atleast better than you Ghouly. I heard your solo on Fgmynth Thy Gift. =P

Just try me.

What key is it in, and minor scale or pentonic? Minor scale is what you did for Fgmynth, pentonic is the basic rock scale.

At 5/12/08 06:55 AM, PenisClown wrote: I'll do your solo.

You do?

I have a really good guitar. With a wammy bar. And I can solo pretty well, atleast better than you Ghouly. I heard your solo on Fgmynth Thy Gift. =P

Haha, that was two years ago. I know my shit better now, don't worry :P and since when am I Ghoul?

What guitar do you have?

Just try me.

Maybe

What key is it in, and minor scale or pentonic? Minor scale is what you did for Fgmynth, pentonic is the basic rock scale.

You think I need you for telling me that? It's in E minor.

At 5/11/08 04:18 PM, Kiddmeizter wrote: Also: I tried to kill myself last night by taking a whole bottle of Sleeping pills

Ugh. Not cool at all.

At 5/12/08 02:03 AM, X-Imperium-X wrote:

At 5/12/08 12:05 AM, Kiddmeizter wrote: This life isn't worth living, I'm going to die anyway, so why not skip about 40 years of Hopelessness, Doing something I hate, until i retire from Old age and have to be taken care of, Doing nothing but waiting for death?

The important thing here is, get help.

I couldn't agree more. The best thing for him to do in this situation is to get help from a therapy. That and possibly move away from where he is if he has too many problems there. I don't have much to say about this situation since you and the others have already given him the best advice. I just hope he'll reply again soon.

At 5/12/08 12:55 PM, DarkSytze wrote: anyone ever heard of those bands?

Melvins and Fear Factory are metal, the other two are merely nu-metal/hardcore, respectively.

At 5/12/08 12:55 PM, DarkSytze wrote: i rarely listen to metal, though some bands i like within this genre are; mudvayne, fear factory, melvins and soulfly.

anyone ever heard of those bands?

Not metal. I mean, if you're interested in metal, do try to expand your tastes. Otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to see your way out until you can get some experience. Nu-metal crew maybe? I guess Fear Factory is OK is some situations.... Melvins though? LOL.

Also, thanks GChrist, Ponos, and Bahamut. He definitely needs some help.

At 5/11/08 08:42 PM, Idiosyncratic wrote: No one hates you

Erm...

At 5/12/08 12:05 AM, Kiddmeizter wrote:

At 5/11/08 05:12 PM, Goatchrist wrote: Too bad that it didn't work, Kiddo, huh?

Seriously, why the fuck did you do this, at all?

Pre-scripture: This is a bit long.

Well,For the past 2 years or so, my life's just been crap EVERY DAY, from when I wake up, until I go to sleep, I've always just hidden it away and played happy.


A normal schoolday for me every day goes like so,They never get better, just worse:

I wake up, because my stepdad's screaming at my mom, and when he sees I'm up, he starts screaming at me. It's always Something different every morning, the guy has some serious fucking authority/Anger management issues, then because he keeps screaming at me, I can't focus, and Get a little late-ish for school, then my MOM starts screaming at me.

My mum shouts at me all the time. Best solution? Ignore it. Just stare at the Goddamn wall. Then, when she's finished, bombard her with "I'm sorry"s, or, if your in a bad mood, say: "Are you finished yet?"

In the car on the way, My stepdad makes these little accusation remarks towards me,blaming me for every problem we have as a family, and My Siblings always support him, because if they don't he'll spoil them less.

I don't have this problem, as I don't have a father, but I'd imagine that you should try and befriend your siblings a wee bit more.

I go to school, My classmates and sometimes teachers make poke fun at everything I do, Whether I do it in school or not, because They think I don't care, but It still fucking hurts.

For fuck's sake, grow a pair. I used to think like that until like a year ago, then I realised, "It happens to everybody, I'm no one special. Just get on with your fucking life and hit them later."

4 Hours of school later,Lunchtime. I don't have anything to eat, or any money to buy anything, so I don't eat anything, another 4 hours, and It's time to go home.

Shit, you have 8 hours of school in Iceland? Now I know why you're suicidal.

I walk home in the depressing Rain/snow/cold/Wind and sit down at the computer, No human contact, 'Cept for the occasional "Turn that shit down" or "You did this, and are guilty of this" from my Stepdad, that or he calls me useless and stupid, or tries to make up for how pathetic he is by walking all over me in some other way.

I get that. Just do what I said, ignore it. I know people throw this around a lot, but it seriously pisses whoever does it off like hell. If you can't ignore it, if you take everything to heart, just sit alone in a room and take deep breaths. It helps.

I go downstairs, Dinnertime.
My Stepdad makes these little remarks, insults, and such.

As I've said, ignore it. Ask your siblings if they could do you a favour and ignore him as well.

Then he just keeps telling me about how he's not going to finacially support me in my future education, and such, my family disregards this, and watches TV, but he's serious, Fucking prick, He's a fucking doctor and gets more than 13 thousand dollars a month, AFTER taxes, And I still have to pay and work for everything I have, At age 16.

Well, if your familiy's ignoring it you should ignore it as well. It's no big deal, it happens.

I go to sleep.

As do we all.

My weekends are the same,Minus school, and plus getting really drunk and doing stuff that I regret and am made fun of for doing, Sometimes for months.

For example?

I've realized I can't do that because of two reasons:
I'm not very good at all, I mean, I have audio here on NG

You're good. Shut up.

And besides that, there's the matter of location, I live in some shitty place in Rural Iceland, Iceland in it's whole has a tiny music scene, that's entirely some indie crap, I'll never make it, or even be accepted anywhere.

You think that's bad? I live in Northern fucking Ireland. A 5% Irish, 5% wannabe British, and 90% Polish abomination of a country that shouldn't even exist. It's full of scene kids, Indiefags and Mallkids, most of which are only here because the English decided that they could get one hell of a fucking chuckle out of confiscating millions of acres of land from people who had never done anything wrong. Oh, but I go on about my own woes.

I don't have a "Plan B", and I don't want one, I have no other skills whatsoever,I don't want to settle for mediocrity, living a life, Doing a job that I hate, If I even get that far, I have no money, and I'm not old enough to work anywhere that pays enough for it to actually fund my future.

Dude, you'll find something. You can make a job out of the smallest of skills. Hell, I'd like to be a Policeman, but Northern Ireland has the second highest death rate for Policemen in the world. Where's my plan B? I don't have one. I don't need one. You shouldn't either. You'll find something else you can do.

I've figured that out by now, I have like 3 friends, I've never had a girlfriend, Sure, I've had my heart broken a few times, but I've never been loved back.

I have like 10 friends, I've never had a proper girlfriend, and every time I get close, I fuck it up by acting like an asshole to someone who didn't deserve it.

It's like everyone else has life like it's supposed to be, It's a party, and I'm not fucking invited.

Dude, I have no social life at all. Take solace in that.

Seeing a shrink won't help me

You know who are the scum of that whole 'we try to help people' scene?
Social Workers.
Never again.

..and about all the times I've tried to kill myself, Cutting mostly (Call me emo if you want, I guess I deserve it.), But I've tried to poison and Hang myself before.

I was planning to go through with drowning once. Then I remembered that while I wouldn't be sorely missed, it would still sting to those precious few.

"Don't kill yourself, I care about you" then when my melancholy is all forgotten and buried, then they go straight back to being assholes

It's a cycle, my friend. Shit happens, get used to it.

If I killed myself, without telling anyone, No-one would care, sure, they might add a little cross icon to their MSN names for about two days, but they'd be over it faster than you can say "Dishonest son of a bitch".

They would care. Of that I am certain. We all would, definately.

I guess I just have pretty shitty luck or something

YOU have pretty shitty luck? You want to know a few of the perks my 'Luck of the Irish' has brought me?
Everyone's scared of me to the point that I can barely take a step towards someone after they say something moderately offensive and they think, 'Oh shit, he's gonna kill me.'
I thought the days of me being ridiculed for my weight were over when I was 8. I was wrong.
My father left my mother when I was 3. My stepfather left my mother when I was 10.
My 'friends' were willing to treat me like dirt because of my beliefs. (They did for a few weeks)
When someone does something to someone else, it's okay. When I do it, it's a mortal sin.
I could go on, but I'm running out of characters.

This life isn't worth living, I'm going to die anyway, so why not skip about 40 years of Hopelessness, Doing something I hate, until i retire from Old age and have to be taken care of, Doing nothing but waiting for death?

Because, ending it now just proves that you haven't the balls to get through it. People with worse lives than yours have made it. There's no reason why you shouldn't.

I could have given better advice, much better. But the simpler you leave it, I think, the more it means.

And just because I'm Celtic and you're Scandinavian and we sling shit at eachother for those reasons doesn't change the fact that if you died, I'd be very sad.

At 5/11/08 04:18 PM, Kiddmeizter wrote: Also: I tried to kill myself last night by taking a whole bottle of Sleeping pills,

I was talking to my friend about this today.

Like, we don't think you die from sleeping pill overdose... you just don't wake up :P.
It'd be humourous I think :).

I just spent 40 minutes in Tardree forest with my mum and brother.

Me and him were hopelessly lost for about 10 minutes of it. I suggested going through nettles and jumping over a ditch after we got lost when we checked out a fallen tree. In the end, we just went back the way we came.

It was worth it.

Kidd, you'll be glad to know I no longer hate you.

I think the complete opposite, even.

I know I left, because I'm a fag and shit.

But me and my friends might be doing a show thing for school, and we wanna put corpsepaint on, and I remember someone here wore it for a concert (I THINK). But anyways, Google has yet to show me a site that shows how to make it, just sites on how to apply it...

I just wanna ask if any of you could tell me how to make it, thanks.

I heard you can use eggs to make paint

At 5/12/08 01:08 PM, X-Imperium-X wrote: Not metal. I mean, if you're interested in metal, do try to expand your tastes. Otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to see your way out until you can get some experience. Nu-metal crew maybe? I guess Fear Factory is OK is some situations.... Melvins though? LOL.

The Melvins are metal, inventing the whole genre of sludge.

I'm alive d00ds.
I'm still really really depressed, but I'm not going to kill myself.

At 5/12/08 07:36 PM, Kiddmeizter wrote: I'm alive d00ds.
I'm still really really depressed, but I'm not going to kill myself.

Good to hear dude. Just think positive and all that shit, less black metal, more power metal.

for now

Also, Mission Metallica.

At 5/12/08 06:58 PM, M-to-the-C wrote: I know I left, because I'm a fag and shit.

But me and my friends might be doing a show thing for school, and we wanna put corpsepaint on, and I remember someone here wore it for a concert (I THINK). But anyways, Google has yet to show me a site that shows how to make it, just sites on how to apply it...

I just wanna ask if any of you could tell me how to make it, thanks.

I heard you can use eggs to make paint

M your gonna wanna look at this

Corpse paint for dummys

also try to do it me.

At 5/12/08 07:36 PM, Kiddmeizter wrote: I'm alive d00ds.

I'm very glad to hear this :)

I'm still really really depressed, but I'm not going to kill myself.

I was going to write something about keeping your chin up and such, but everyone's already said everything :S

At 5/12/08 07:30 PM, Idiosyncratic wrote: The Melvins are metal, inventing the whole genre of sludge.

GChrist schooled me privately about that mistake, but the entire genre? Kinda find that hard to believe - Corrosion of Conformity? Or am I an ass?

At 5/12/08 07:59 PM, SpeedMetalSandwich wrote: Also, Mission Metallica.

I signed up for that last week, I should probably keep better track of it.

I haven't been doing much new in the way of listening, exploring Metal. Although I have checked out some of the Brutal Death, Charon recommended. Insision is by far my favorite of them so fat the moment. Followed closely by Disavowed.

At 5/13/08 01:22 AM, Oppugnant wrote: I signed up for that last week, I should probably keep better track of it.

I hope that whole platinum thing they're gonna whore out is open for us Aussies, i want a copy of the new album.

So. Metal.

My collection doesn't really need much more, as explained here.. Unless there's some really awesome folk metal bands I don't know about, guys?

I've got a bit of a list going of bands I should check out. Here it is:

Manegarm
Einherjer
Moonsorrow
Tyr
Trelldom
Eiherjer
Thyrfing

Anyone listen to them?

At 5/13/08 04:01 AM, PenisClown wrote: Tyr
Thyrfing

Anyone listen to them?

I listen to those two, and they are truly awesome. A MUST check out.