not as good as the first, but still can improve
All right, what to say here? I have watched part 1 in the past and commented on it for improvements. The good part is...you didnt repeat a scene 8 times over in a 40 second time frame. However, there were a lot of issues with this one. Here is what I thought could be improved on and had troubled me throughout the work.
1. Very first thing I noticed: your music is WAY lower than your voices. I had to turn up my speakers a LOT to hear the music and then when the people spoke, I almost fell off my chair. No kidding! Please keep all sound around the same volume level. Keep the music lower of course, but do not make the volume of the music and the voices drastically different. I also noticed that it is clear that you have a shoddy mic (not your fault though). You can hear when it booms "on." And it gives off too much feedback when you are speaking. Wait before you first speak and then cut the booming sound out in a sound program. That should help. At least I think.
2. The story dragged like a dead whale. Im not making fun of your story, however, Im just concerned about the delivery of the story. The delivery was very dry, slow, confusing and dead. I did not understand the point of them playing cards at his friend's house. And the fact that it took 2 seconds for him to get his sister was very odd. There also wasnt enough dialogue and personality in the characters. You need to bring out the "emotional" parts of the story, not just go "Ok this happened, and then that happened." Remember that story IS emotion. Use the power of emotion to bring your characters to life. You should know them best. Deliver the story in a heart felt way and allow US as the audience to be drawn in by the characters and the emotions that follow them. The fear, the anxiety, the sadness! :)
3. Another huge thing I noticed was SOUND EFFECTS!! Creepy christs...put in more!! It gives the flash a LOT more realistic feel. I was dieing to hear that clock TICK. Put in sound effects anywhere you can. I want to hear the girl struggling as the guy is trying to kidnap her! I want people to ask her questions while they stand around her wondering what happened!! More sound effects, more voices, more music especially! If you cant find sounds...Go to google and type in "findsounds" there should be a website called "Find Sounds," that comes up on the FIRST entry. This is a search engine for finding sound effects. Its helped me in the past with my own flashes and its ALL free. Use it! Its an awesome resource!!
4. Also please work on the realism of your character's movements. The bike, their walking, and a few other things needs to be improved on. I know you mostly used a motion tween. But remember that these "small" things really do take away from the story becuase they are more of a distraction.
5. I also noticed that it was all of a sudden "over." It was so dry that I couldnt tell which scene was coming or going. So when it all of a sudden turned into "To Be continued.." I was like what? Really? Wait..what was it about? I instantly forgot the story and the point of this peice. Not a good sign. Really try to focus on getting your story out in an emotional and impactful way. I suggest spending more time on the next peice just to add in that extra TLC.
5. Last, but not least, I also noticed you put some asian writing at the end. It is a shame that most of your audience generally speaks english. I would like to know what that said in all truths with a translation afterwards. Just saying to know your audience. Or you will have a million people asking you what it says. Just a thought.
Ok so that is all I have. Im sure you have heard a few or all of these comments in one way or another, but just trying to give some constructive criticism. I think this story can be phenomenal if it is done right. But you are still learning, I hope the next one is an improvement. I will be looking out for it. So keep on improving and dont bother reading the "get over it and STFU" crap. People are just lame. Do what you want to do!
