It COULD have been funny...
The material is pretty good, and everything you said defintly was good humor, but I did not laugh. Why? There is about ZERO emotion in your voice when you're presenting the jokes. Not only that, but because its so monotone, It takes me a split second to realize you just delivered a punch-line. It was stale in a sense.
You have to lead up to the joke, and then put some emphasis on key words and what not. Just do that, and you'll magnify the effect at least 100% more. Maybe I'd even laugh.
For instance, watch a Comedy Central Presents or listen to a stand-up comedian, and listen how they present their jokes. At least you know its not a robot talking.