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"City of the Dead: a Bbs story"

23,750 Views | 225 Replies

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 22:52:59


Comments :p good, good.

- Sarai: I'm glad you enjoyed the new chapter as well (enough to read it twice, apparently O_O whoa! :D). Now, about the gun...

...I couldn't just have some Italian janitor keep it in his private room or anything, unfortunately, because I know for a fact that Italian workers never, ever, ever bring guns to work with them (unless they're officers of the law, that is). I've been living in Italy for the past 10 years, and I've never seen/heard of a normal fellow that had one with him at his place of work...especially not at a school. The only solution was to have it brought over by Trunks himself. All we know is that his uncle somehow smuggled it overseas, for him to have it with him in Europe as well...perhaps he broke it down into its separate compartments and hid it inside other valuables in Trunk's luggage. Perhaps Trunks himself will reveal it in the next chapter ;) who knows.

- Fyndir and Jade: Thank you very much indeed for your support :) and I will continue writing. The next chapter should be out by around Wednesday, methinks.

- llib1: The idea of having a flash series made out of this is quite flattering, but I doubt that any flash artist 'round here has enough time on his/her hands for something like this (which is ok :) ).

About this "first name" business...it's like Fyndir said, really. I simply don't know most of your first names :/ hence, my hands are tied.

Besides, notice how, for example, I don't call myself "LinkSilvermane", and I don't call Jade "JadeTheAssassin". It's all Trunks, Gagsy, Fyndir, Jade, etc. Short and sweet, see? ;)

- tigerkitty: why yes, you two do kick ass, I suppose :D but hopefully, in the next few chapters, Trunks and I will grow a pair and act a tad courageous as well :)


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 22:57:04


I refuse reviewing.

Not saying it's bad, but every time I see "BBS Story" in a topic title it makes me cringe and my eyes starts twitchin' for a few seconds....

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 23:10:24


Good chapter. Way to keep it interesting down the stretch.


Sig by THEJamoke Contributor to PONIES: The Anthology 2 and Anthology 3 Go watch them now!

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 23:25:31


glorious!
now i have two bbs stories to keep up with.
keep up the good work.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 23:28:59


How exquisite, how divine, I can't help but love this highly-detailed story.
Magnificent, especially the bit about 'protection'. ";..;"


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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-04 23:52:39


Why did I have to read this before I went to sleep? Looks like another night of insomnia.


Grey power.

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 00:26:09


More comments. Delightful :)

- Rague: ...if you didn't read the story, then why the heck did you bother posting in this thread at all? o_O ...

- 36Holla: thanks man, I appreciate the positive feedback. Hope I'll be able to read your story as well, one of these days :)

- Joodah and Musk: I'm glad you're enjoying this :p hope the next few chapters keep you entertained as well.

- Ceti: ...aw come on man, it ain't that bad of a story >:( take some pills, anyhow. They do wonders.


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 01:17:12


At 6/4/07 12:30 PM, LinkSilvermane wrote: "..my...my locker" Trunks babbled. "My parents told me to bring protection on this trip...so I got some from my uncle…he’s been wanting me to have it for ages…"
Link continued to gape at him. Then, registering what Trunks had said, he garbled: "...they...they meant CONDOMS, you freak..."

I laughed so hard when I read that.


"Let's kick this mothafucka's ass all over dream land!"

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 12:50:28


Alright, all caught up.

Must admit, I almost fell out of my chair when I read that condoms part! LOL !
But Sarai does bring up a valid point about the revolver. When I first heard the shots, I thought that an Italian Police Officer had stumbled onto the scene, and opened fire. You're also running into a bit of a technical problem. Most revolvers don't break down into smaller parts, the way most auto-pistols do. The one exception being Dan Wesson revolvers. (Not to be confused with Smith & Wesson). With Dan Wesson revolvers, you can literally break them down by removing the barrel, frame, and the entire grip. (Not just the panels).

They're popular with individuals who want to shoot revolvers of varying barrel lengths, but can't afford to buy a brand new gun in each length.

Perhaps Trunks' uncle is a retired Italian police officer? Or something similar?

Aside from the small technical problem with the .357 Magnum, the chapter was well-written and it certainly grabbed my attention. Keep up the good work and, if you can, update as often as possible.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:02:54


At 6/5/07 12:58 PM, Fyndir wrote:
At 6/5/07 12:50 PM, Monocrom wrote: Perhaps Trunks' uncle is a retired Italian police officer? Or something similar?
I'm going to vote for Mafia.

Even better! ....... BTW, thanks for killing the magic. I think a lot of NGers believed her first name really is Jade. >:/

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:03:39


At 6/5/07 12:50 PM, Monocrom wrote:

Must admit, I almost fell out of my chair when I read that condoms part! LOL !

Glad I made a few of you guys chuckle :)

But Sarai does bring up a valid point about the revolver.
Perhaps Trunks' uncle is a retired Italian police officer? Or something similar?

We'll see...he should say something more about it in the next chapter. At any rate, it wouldn't really make much sense for Gagsy to comment on the American gun-laws, were Trunks to have received the weapon from an Italian relative.

I doubt the explanation he'll give to the rest of the group (in the next chapter) will be entirely satisfying...but it shouldn't be anything too far-fetched.

Aside from the small technical problem with the .357 Magnum, the chapter was well-written and it certainly grabbed my attention. Keep up the good work and, if you can, update as often as possible.

Right-o :) and, as often as possible, you say...

...so, if I were to have two days off from school-work, you guys wouldn't mind if I wrote two chapters in a row? I myself kinda thought that it would be a bit too much, if I were to post that much, that fast...I sorta doubted that people would enjoy the story as much, see.


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:14:52


At 6/5/07 01:02 PM, Monocrom wrote:
Even better! ....... BTW, thanks for killing the magic. I think a lot of NGers believed her first name really is Jade. >:/

Heyyy.
I'm still more than happy to be called Jade. I'd LOVE to be called Jade at work or at school (at one point, the substitute social studies teacher I had WAS calling me Jade).

The magic's still alive, dear Monocrom. <3


Tsukino Usagi of the NG /a/ {Sig by cast}

A ninja may be fast, but my dick is faster.

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:14:56


At 6/5/07 01:03 PM, LinkSilvermane wrote: ...so, if I were to have two days off from school-work, you guys wouldn't mind if I wrote two chapters in a row? I myself kinda thought that it would be a bit too much, if I were to post that much, that fast...I sorta doubted that people would enjoy the story as much, see.

When it comes to posting chapters, there's no such thing as too much. But.....
If you get two days off, spend some time enjoying them! We want you to update your thread and to eventually finish it, but not to the point where it starts to feel like a chore for you. Or to the point where you start to feel obligated to update.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:18:05


At 6/5/07 01:14 PM, JadeTheAssassin wrote: The magic's still alive, dear Monocrom. <3

Aww..... That's good to know, Jade. ^_^
<3

Make sure to punish Fyndir so he doesn't make the same mistake again! :P

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:21:10


Looks good. I wish I could read.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:34:04


At 6/4/07 07:01 PM, Fyndir wrote: stuff about my idea 4 names

aw damnit i forgot that the profiles dont show names!

ok what about PMing the people the chars are based on and asking them what they want their chars to be called?

try that maybe. just dont let them name their chars shit names (not normal)

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 13:46:55


At 6/5/07 01:12 PM, Fyndir wrote:

Suggestion:

Get chapters written and then post then up here at a slower rate, that way we get the anticipation buildup but it helps you keep ahead rather than struggling to keep up.

That's what I thought, actually. I'd thought about posting a chapter once every two or three days...but writing one each day wouldn't be a problem for me, anyhow. Especially considering the fact that in about 2 days, I'll have to study like mad for my end of the year exams, so by then I won't have that much time to write quite as often (the amount of material posted regularly will probably go down to about one chapter every three days, I guess).

So how about this: I'll post a chapter tomorrow, and the day after that...and I'll see how often I can work on the thread from then on.

At 6/5/07 01:14 PM, Monocrom wrote:

When it comes to posting chapters, there's no such thing as too much. But.....
If you get two days off, spend some time enjoying them! We want you to update your thread and to eventually finish it, but not to the point where it starts to feel like a chore for you. Or to the point where you start to feel obligated to update.

Don't worry, when I've got the day off, I don't have to worry about anything. So I go out, horse around with some people I know, then I come back to the Bbs forum and see what's up.

And the only way that this could turn into a chore for me would be if I were forced to post about twice a day, or so :) don't worry, I'm having a blast working on this story.

At 6/5/07 01:34 PM, llib1 wrote:

ok what about PMing the people the chars are based on and asking them what they want their chars to be called?

try that maybe. just dont let them name their chars shit names (not normal)

If it were that easy, their names would be known by pretty much everyone on the forum by now.

Plus, I don't really feel like prying and such...if they want some privacy concerning their identities, they can damn sure have it.

And...it wouldn't be much of a "Bbs story" if I used everyday names in it for the characters, now would it? ;)


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 14:14:10


At 6/5/07 01:46 PM, LinkSilvermane wrote: If it were that easy, their names would be known by pretty much everyone on the forum by now.

Plus, I don't really feel like prying and such...if they want some privacy concerning their identities, they can damn sure have it.

And...it wouldn't be much of a "Bbs story" if I used everyday names in it for the characters, now would it? ;)

i suppose.. but you can name your chars whatever i dont mind :P

and they ARE your chars even if they are supposed to be NG people in story.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-05 19:53:58


Hah, awesome, I'm an idiot but it's fun seeing me act that way lol

This is a truly great story, I love the bold to emphasize words, usually I'd do -omg- instead of omg but I now know that's idiotic :D

Great work *claps*


wew

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 10:34:50


At 6/5/07 02:14 PM, llib1 wrote: and they ARE your chars even if they are supposed to be NG people in story.

Must admit, that's one of the best parts about writing..... especially if you know what a particular NGer looks like. You can turn them into anything you want, and manipulate their personalities and their actions!

Most of the female NGers in my stories end up bisexual. :)

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 10:42:56


At 6/5/07 01:46 PM, LinkSilvermane wrote: If it were that easy, their names would be known by pretty much everyone on the forum by now.

No one knows my name. It's a huge mystery.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 14:51:56


@ Monocrom; it's only your own experience talking! Not enough 'sweet ladies' to give attention too heya!

@ Link; write your own speed, we can wait. Just keep the plot fresh in your mind / jotter book.

@ TK; With your real name I could always write in my Death Note.... ;-) Speeeaaking of that, the live action films were so great, I watched them recently! I even ordered a Death Note pendent, book and hah, gothic branded underwear :p

Light is such a good bad guy.


The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 17:44:14


At 6/6/07 10:42 AM, tigerkitty wrote:

No one knows my name. It's a huge mystery.

Ah, but I don't need to know your name. I know everything I need to know about you as it is...

Such as the fact that, in cartoon-form, you like making out with people that have dicks instead of tongues. Especially when it's your birthday 0_0 ...
At 6/5/07 07:53 PM, Trunks wrote: Hah, awesome, I'm an idiot but it's fun seeing me act that way lol

Hey, at least you're in good company :D and besides, there's going to be a fair bit of character development throughout the story (for most of our "heroes", that is), so you might end up a completely different kind of person by the end of this gig.

So anyhow, since I'm not going to have all that much time to write that much during the next few weeks, I figured I might as well work on a new chapter today.

And...I've manage to finish it too.

Well, technically, not entirely so...it's going to be a particularly long chapter, so I'll have to break it into two large parts. So the first part will be a bit of a cliff-hanger, unfortunately. Bear with me, people.

Hope you enjoy it anyways.
(part one)

"That's right bro. Z-fuckin'-ombies, man. Or at least, something pretty damned close to that. To tell you the truth, I'm still not entirely certain what they were...what they are. Does it really matter, in the end? I doubt it.

I'm guessing you're finding all this a little...what's the term? Insane. But hey, that's what the video's for, Daniel. Just remember what I said about when you should watch it (and especially who you should to watch it with...to be precise, who you shouldn't watch it with). I don't want to force this kind of knowledge onto you, big bro, but for a heck of a lot of reasons...you just have to know.

At any rate, when we made first contact with the diseased-reeking cannibals, we had absolutely no clue as to exactly what had infected their bodies in the first place...much less who (or what) was responsible for that. And it wasn't like we didn't have the brain-power to figure it out, right then and there.

Problem was, we had much, much bigger issues on our minds, at the time of the murderous outbreak.

Survival, for one thing."

Chapter Three: The Joy of Education (part one)

A student moved quietly through the blood-soaked hallway, inching towards the steps that led to the bottom of the edifice. He slid, not pausing even for an instant, past the pale-skinned corpses and brain matter that littered the floor around him. He simply forged onward, tireless, relentless, heading as fast as his limbs could carry him to that staircase.

It wasn't the exit that he yearned for, however. He was, quite simply, straining to follow the noises he had heard only moments earlier...voices. For some reason, though he could not discern their meaning, those voices called to him, they compelled him to move towards the stair case...to reach those that were moving down towards the front doors of the school, as fast as he could.

So he moved, step by agonizing step. He was in great pain...a pain so crippling, most people would rather take their own lives than sustain it. His body was broken, torn, mauled in the most horrifying manner. But dimly, almost by instinct, he knew that if he could just reach whatever was on the staircase, he could find a way to relieve his agony, to free himself (if but for a moment) from his torment.

After a few minutes of trudging on at his forcibly slow pace, he finally reached the stairs. And as he turned downwards, searching for the source of the noises he had heard, he received a blast of an irresistible...odor. A pungent smell that filled his maimed nostrils, and forced him onward even faster than before, so that his broken joints now began to crackle and buckle with each step he took further. He raised his arms, almost pleadingly, towards the sweet-smelling essence at the bottom of the stairs, and he murmured:

"nnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
..."

He was hungry.

"Aw shit man, it's another one of those...freak-things!"

"...freak things?"

"Ok fine, I dunno what to call it, but damnit Gagsy, quit wasting fucking precious time and blow its brains out!"

"Whatever you say. It's your gun."

*BLAM-BLAM!*

And with that, the student saw, heard and smelled no more. But as he slumped to the ground, even though his senses had abandoned him, nevertheless he felt a certain sense of...liberation. The pain and the hunger enthralled him no longer. He sighed, and hit the floor.

"...ya know, you're getting a bit too cocky with that there boom-stick" said Link, still not taking his eyes off the newest addition to the pile of corpses that they had left behind them. "And you might want to be careful about wasting bullets and such...I doubt the Math-whiz's pockets are bottomless."

They had gone all the way down to the bottom floor, pressed side by side in a tight circle, and they'd met about 10 of the freakish, ghastly cannibals on their way down. Each and every one of which, thankfully, had been dealt with fairly quickly by Gagsy herself, who had kept Trunk's gun in her hand every step of the way. The young pistol-owner himself, meanwhile, had proved to be just as smart as he was on paper: he'd brought all the spare cartridges he had in his locker along with him, piling them up as best he could in his pockets.

However, as Link had pointed out (for the third or fourth time), the supply of ammunition was starting to run pretty low: Trunks hadn't exactly expected to take on an army while studying for his next Latin test. In fact, the only reason he had risked keeping extra bullets in his locker at all (on top of a fully-loaded gun) was because his over-protective uncle would flay him alive if he somehow found out that his nephew didn't keep any reserve ammunition at arm's reach while he spent time in Italy...which, as a European Country, was about as hostile a territory (in his hopelessly-redneck uncle's eyes) as Iraq or Afghanistan.

Gagsy turned towards the wise-cracker, sighing. Apparently, his way of coping with the unfathomable events of that morning was...joking some more. And she definitely wasn't in the mood for any more bloody jokes.

"Latin whiz, Link. And trying to kid around even more than usual, if that's possible, isn't exactly the best way for you to look all macho and ballsy in front of us ladies, you know."

With that, she casually glanced at tigerkitty...who, however, didn't seem all that amused.

"He's got a point, Gag. It's kinda pointless to shoot twice, at that range...you might as well of just shot it in the head, and saved the other bullet for later. And besides..."

She looked straight at the other girl of the group.

"...you're not looking all that tough either, waiting for the last second to shoot and all."

Gagsy opened her mouth to say something to the contrary...but found that she just couldn't. It was true: seeing that girl that she'd known at the school reduced to that horrifying form, coming for her so slowly, yet so surely...seeing the blank stare, hearing her pant and moan for her flesh...it'd shocked her, terrified her in a very nasty manner. She realized that she herself was looking for some way to just not have to think about it, to act as if she were the heroine of some B-rated movie, to distance herself from the pain and suffering that she was feeling. She was being forced to shoot her own former schoolmates, for Pete's sake...even though they seemed nothing more than mindless freaks now.

(end of part 1)


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 17:46:19


(part 2)

So instead of telling tigerkitty off, she simply remained silent for a few minutes, sitting there on the staircase. The others looked at her, fearing that they'd lost her somehow, that she was going to succumb to the horrors of that day and crack up entirely...after all, the screams of the other students still fighting for their lives in the upper floors could still be heard in the distance.

Then, without uttering a sound, she moved towards her study-mate and held up her right hand. The hand with Trunk's pistol in it.

"You're probably right, 'kitty. And I shouldn't be holding on to this...you're the one with the level head, you should take care of the rest of us".

Tigerkitty stared at her for a moment, surprised that what she'd said had made such an impact. Then she shook her head, pushing the gun away from herself.

"Geez Gagsy, I'm glad that you've gotten over yourself so quick...but I sure as heck ain't A-O-K at the moment. I can't keep my hands from shaking...and I feel like I'm gonna blow Italian-style chunks all over the wall, at any given moment."

So Gagsy turned to Trunks. "It's your gun, and I'm betting your uncle taught you how to use it...considering all the trouble he doubtlessly had to go through to smuggle it overseas."

He grinned sheepishly, pocketing the gun. "Yeah, well I'm not sure how that worked out, actually...all he ever he said was something about catching an Air Marshal screwing a flight attendant once, and that he'd never <<lost touch>> with the guy since. But sure, I can shoot."

Seconds later, as they reached the spacious bottom floor of the school, they immediately heard those awful, disquieting moaning sounds off to their right, towards the cafeteria. 2 of the cannibals were making their way towards them. From the looks of their stature and of the clothes they wore, they'd been two typical jocks (the athletic type) before turning into...whatever they were.

Trunks, forcing himself not to panic, drew his piece...but something bothered him. These two cannibals were acting differently than most of the others they'd seen on the upper levels of the institute. They didn't seem quite so...dead. They were still incapable of speech, and they were still both horribly mutilated and chalk-white, but...they were moving at a brisk pace. Which was, of course, pretty damned bad news.

"Guys...is it just me, or..."

"Nu-uh" piped up Link. "These freaks are moving about three times quicker than the rest we've seen, from the looks of it...you'd better let 'em have it, Trunks."

*click-click*

"uhm...uh..."

*click-click-click-click*

"...oh, fiddelsticks" said tigerkitty. She tried to employ a calm, tranquil tone of voice. "Cool it, don't panic, just reload the darn gun, and shoot 'em."

"Wish I could" Trunks whispered, absolutely aghast at this particularly nasty turn of events. "Got no more bullets in my pockets. I was kinda hoping that there was one more in one of the chambers, but..."

*click-click*

The two burly zombies, about as large as football players, were getting very close indeed. So close, the group had little more than a few seconds to decide what was to be done.

Link was the first to pipe up. "I say we bolt. Skidaddle. Run for the hills, abandon ship, make like a FUCKIN' TREE!!!"

"Run where, Link?" Gagsy shouted, half exasperated, half desperate. "We can't go upstairs, we can't get past those two uglies to get to the front exit! And we've got no where else to go, except for the cafeteria, which would be a friggin' death-trap, 'cause there's only one way in and one way out!"

The zombies were almost upon them.

"Screw it" said Trunks, losing his head. And with that, he seized his pistol with his throwing arm, bent as far backwards as he possibly could, then snapped forward and hurled it with every ounce of adrenaline-enforced strength he could muster. It hit the oafish cannibal on the right, square in the chest.

It didn't even stagger. It just kept coming, now mere feet away from 'em.

"...math whiz, my lily-white ass" said Link, close to urinating in his own pants.

Gagsy and tigerkitty glanced at each other, knowing full well that they were all basically done for. But, though they had little choice, they decided to go down with a little dignity anyways. So they stepped out from behind the other two, balled their fists, and got ready to bite, scratch and claw every inch of maimed flesh they could reach.

"Another miracle would be nice, Trunks". Gagsy smiled weakly to herself, still facing the oncoming cannibals. "Got a shotgun up your sleeve, by any chance?"

And then the cannibals got within an arm's stretch from Link and Trunks.

The next few moments were...a blur. Absolute, incomprehensible chaos. There was screaming, yelling, people shoving backwards, people shoving forwards. The only thing that most of them remembered of what happened next was a peculiar succession of noises.

*THUNK-THWACK!!!*

A figure had appeared, almost out of nowhere, behind the assailants.

The two burly, freakish corpses just dropped to the ground, without uttering another sound, save that of the putrid air escaping what remained of their lungs.

The four exchange students stood absolutely still. Trunks was in some sort of fighting-stance that he'd probably seen in a Star Wars movie, keeping his left hand in front of his body, palm turned outwards, while his right hand was held high above his head...basically, he seemed to be trying to employ some non-existent martial arts form, in order to protect tigerkitty. Link, on the other hand, was stuck in a most ungainly boxer's pose, one hand poised to strike and to cover Gagsy, the other curled over his head to protect himself. The two girls stood in an almost symmetrical stance: both with their hands raised in front of themselves, in a dog-paddle position, ready to scratch the living hell out of whatever was coming their way.

And yet, none of them had actually struck anything, except perhaps themselves...let alone, the two crumpled non-dead jocks on the floor.

"Wish I had my Polaroid on me. I'd make instant internet celebrities out of the lot of you" said someone. A woman (of obvious Asian descent) wearing an expensive pair of glasses, dressed in a tight black dress, and with her raven-black hair tied into an elegant knot at the back of her head, stood above and behind the two lifeless forms on the ground, a heavy lead pipe held firmly in both her hands.

When no one said a word in reply, she eased her posture a bit, and smiled gently.

"Seriously now, it's all right. You can un-freeze yourselves...it's ok. They're about as dead as they can get, trust me. I know where to hit 'em."

Link, the perennial jokester, was the first one to speak, having lowered his arms and straightened up.

"A shotgun, Gagsy?"

He glanced at her, eyes still wide open with astonishment.

"Uhm...how's about a good ol' freaking ninja?"

(end of part 2)


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-06 17:55:12


fantastic!
and i really liked the explanation for how he had the pistol.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-07 02:13:36


It was Sarai with the lead pipe in the canteen!

I AM THE CLUEDO Expert!

Got to goto work, more comments later.


The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-07 02:18:53


Very good i read EVERYTHING(aka took ages). good story


This post was valuable.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-07 03:01:14


Must admit, you did a very good job of explaining how Trunks got that revolver into Italy.

Overall, you're doing well so far. Writing dialogue can sometimes be tricky. The only thing that didn't seem to fit was tigerkitty's comment starting with the letter "F." I think she would have used a different word..... also starting with "F."

Keep up the good work.

Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-07 06:04:39


Comments, so soon :p I just got back from school...wasn't expecting much of anything yet.

Joodah and GeneralAC: Glad you're enjoying this stuff so far :) and I'm especially glad that you approve of the gun-smuggling deal...I was kinda worried that it would seem a bit childish and overly simplistic. Oh well :D

Fyndir: ...that was praise indeed 0_0 I wasn't expecting this much approval quite so early in the story, especially coming from a Bbs-story coinosseur such as yourself. Three cheers for me, I suppose :)

Sarai: Uhm...wasn't in the canteen. No points earned :( but yeah, it was you, and you did use a pretty hefty lead-pipe. At any rate, you can expect a bit more dialogue coming from your character in the next chapter...I kinda had to cut your sentences short in this one, since I'd already reached two full posts of text :(

Monocrom: I'm very happy that you approve of what I've come up with so far :) especially considering the fact that I didn't even have a chance to check the latest chapter for grammatical errors and such (I really wanted to post the damned thing, and I was dead tired). And I'm also pretty glad that you think that the problem concerning the revolver was solved in a decent way...like I said, I myself didn't think much of it.

As for the dialogues...you're right, any normal person would have used much stronger terms than "fiddlesticks" in that kind of situation.

But since I've never once seen tigerkitty swear or loose her temper on the forum (or anywhere else, for that matter), I wanted to leave her character as...immaculate as possible.

Besides, as you've probably noticed already, everyone else is swearing like there's no tomorrow...so I figured at least one person should conserve a little dignity throughout the story :D


Pure awesomeness. You must read it.

(God-like signature by Zeppekk)

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Response to "City of the Dead: a Bbs story" 2007-06-07 08:08:05


You sir, are just fucking awesome.

How dare you have doubts to your story-telling abilities, you've proved yourself wrong correctly!

Loving the characters.. Of course =3

And yeah me and tigerkitty do indeed rock, but then I've found every character so far to be totally enjoyable, even the poor zombie who was put out of his misery by me!

Most importantly, don't rush yourself if you're not feeling up to it! We can all wait, and wait we shall!

You need you writing at your best. ;)


[I've been wandering round but I still come back to you]

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