Coop stalked the wilderness of the portal, growing weary of the continued attacks of the aberrations on this once bright and prosperous land. Some of the spammers were growing in power and were allowing their evil minions to take more bold steps within the portal. As always, his vocation here had been to protect the needy with his righteous shield, passing on the power of his wings to guide them to safety, while destroying anything of ill omen.
The collections, which had grown out of the portal had spawned mirror likenesses in the portal - a place where dark mirrors of the worthy submissions could infiltrate and corrupt the minds of those less stoic than himself. As he walked past a window into the world of the Tankmen, he felt a shudder pass down his spine. That world always looked too much like the portal and it made it difficult to judge properly. A hint of movement caught his eye. Suddenly, the grip on the axe handle tightened, as the visage of Steve the Tankman stepped through into the portal. Coop calmly, but without lowering his axe watched, as the effigy stepped through into his territory.
From his cerebral implant, Coop noted the information gleamed from this submission - TANKMEN 4, created by J0hnnyUtah. It was probably not what we wanted on Newgrounds. Calmly, he walked towards it, not brandishing the axe menacingly, but not letting his guard down, either.
"You there, state your business." The lightning flashing in the sky only served to make him even more menacing. The Tankman turned to Coop and regarded him for the first time, quizzically.
"Cock... Joke?" It said, hopefully. Subconsciously, Coop's grip tightened on the handle of his axe.
"So you've seen Tankmen then. Ever used Pythagoras?" No emotion was shown by Coop, as he readied himself mentally for what was to come. The left eye of the Tankman twitched visibly and in one fluid movement, the arms liquefied, a thick black goo turning them into elongated penises. The eyes started to swirl and ethereal lights started flashing in repeating patterns of different colours. It started to reach out for Coop, desperate for the voting power that he possessed.
As swiftly as the flash had changed, Coop stepped forward and delivered a kick to the chest of the Tankman, sending it sprawling, the noise of the scream drowning itself in the static of poor audio work. He bounded across to the figure, batting aside one of the cock-arms with the axe.
"You will leave this place." Coop hauled it up to eye level, ignoring the flashing lights and the deafening noise. "You may not enter while I still draw breath!" The screaming stopped and the flashing lights slowed.
"But you're just one man. What can one man possibly do?"
"You've just asked the dumbest and last question of your life." Coop dropped the Tankman effigy to the ground and shouldered his axe. As a few drops of rain started to fall, Coop brought his axe down in a neat blow, removing the Tankman's head from its shoulders, neatly. "This, is what one man can do." As the effigy faded into the obituaries, Coop looked to the sky, as a giant bipedal robot flew overhead. Leaving his axe on the ground a moment, he saluted the giant bot. The radio on his belt crackled into life, with the familiar Speakonia sounding voice of P-Bot.
"20,000 Blams and still counting. When are you going to retire?"
"Not yet. I've still got a job to do down here."
"Just remember, you're mortal. They might become too much for you one day."
"Ah, but that day is not today. Nor is it tomorrow!" Coop shouldered his axe and trudged off through the portal, still surveying the wasteland and trying to figure how to make it better.
