damn can I get some feed back are ya'll dead or somethin
it's been awhile no one like poetry come on man
this poem came from the heart

~1~

At 8/30/05 05:05 AM, nitroxide wrote: Is it ok to post poems over there also?

Ofcourse, almost everything when it comes to the art of writing (Just not pornography).

By the way, check out this forum, there is a section for writers which I would like you to visit.

Just request the forum section or forum board you will need for this. =)

anotha poem done by ya boi Poetic_Reven can I get somefeedback any one
this poem is about me being in my boi ryan's perspective on wut happened he's still in jail gets out in 2008

People wonder what’s the matter
With thoughts so scattered
My mind goes back to that dreadful day
The knock of the door
With guns pulled
Put your hands up
She looked at me and I looked at her
The fear was abundant in her eyes
And all I could do was stare
I sat handcuffed with head held down
Not believing what was going on
Three hours now past
House ripped apart top to bottom
Everything we own piled to the ceiling
Walking outside, neighbors staring
Three more hours pass
I walk into my cell still in shock
Trying to sleep but can’t
Wondering how you dealt with going back to that house
That was ripped apart
Our memories and dreams in a pile
Tossed and trampled like they didn’t even matter
Twelve more hours pass
Bond set at ten thousand
You have it all but three hundred
One more hour
Bond is posted
I walk through the door of the house that is torn
I run up the stairs
Find you still cleaning and crying
I look in your eyes, my thoughts go blank
We sit and just stare unsure of what to say
Then we hold each other in a long embrace
Ten months go bye
Your no longer by my side
Unsure of how to deal
Nine years is the plea
However unjust it may be, can’t risk the possible forty
And people wonder what’s the matter
And why my thoughts are so scattered

I rele need feedback in this

damn can I get some feedback on this

~1~

damn don't let the forum dis come on someone submit somethin
we can't let the great crew b put down

come on someone

~1~

hey can i join? i love writting poetry and lately ive just been really inspired with so much going on in my life right now. heres a fresh brand new poem i just wrote...

fantasy becomes thee

fear threatens to invade the lively soul
where light rains into the darkness.
the chill that melts
awe from a child's face,
as a spirit passing before the lips
and draining life away.
ice burns with imprisoned passion
of ardent lovers, cooled by reality's touch
upon their souls.
how strong unspoken words seem.
the shrill silence that pervades the wood
wakes the sinful innocence,
causing the sifferers more pain.
the calmness of the wild beast,
with roses for hooves and gold thread for eyes,
sundering the reflection of miserable shadows
and dancing pines.
imperfections of nature provide the soul
with dreams of escape.
escape from the heart, keeping the form
bound to its footprints.

-ally g. '05

At 10/14/05 05:30 PM, Poetic_Reven wrote: I rele need feedback in this

that was intense, i felt like i was really there and i could feel what she was feeling.

that was really amazing.

hi i am new here and i want to join this poetry site but i need help to get started ? can some one help me?

angeltears11

nights sensuality

his deep green eyes warm and sincere
when he said i was beautiful
i could not help but believe
he held my hand and told me i was the one
his scent intoxicating,
i was swooning from his voice,
his words and touch drove me wild.
that night, if he'd asked me to stay the night
i would of done it.
i could not resist the softness of his luscious lips on mine,
or the gentle caress of my breasts
his sweet whisper, almost an echo,
"you are beautiful."

-ally g. '05

(i had fun writting that one ^_~ hehe)

i like it alot.. it made me feel that i was there ... its kool.

heres mine:

Obsession

he's chained me, bled me, thrashed me, rapped me.
I am his slave, his little bitch, even his toy.
I could die. but he owns my life.
I could push myself away , but he possess me, to being a prisoner.
but
he steps aside, disappears like mist, leaves me in fog hurt and fixiated.
I am not alone.
I'm a candle flame between his fingers,
like hes a smoking bastard that I see dark god into his eyes.

He laughs, drops me to hell
to which I burn like his baby that I am.
like hes a smoking bastard that I see dark god into his eyes.

He laughs, drops me to hell
to which I burn like his baby girl.
but I am bounded to a hollow desire,
to the promise of lovers fires,
to the warm touch I have never felt before;
holds my head below in the water of his deepest pain.

By: Dawn Burgess

broken promises

there was nothing that could have prepared me for this,
the end of a love i would soon grow to miss.
the friendship, the fun and that feeling we got,
that lasted til now since our very first kiss.
from unity at every moment
to total separation,
i feared that this change would create
a never-healing abrasion.
i hated it when we werent together
and more so now that we're far apart
i thought that this would never happen,
for you to go and break my heart.
you promised me we'd be together
from now to eternity,
you promised we'd never split,
so youd never be far from me.
i miss the way you'd look at me
with a smile in your eyes,
but now since the break and the tears that filled mine,
yours have stopped seeking, and learned how to hide.

-ally g. '05

damn that is nice I like it alot u got skillz at writing poetry

thanx for the comments on my poem

be ez

~1~

hey your welcome and i really do like your poems there are great. I hope that u become a great poet writer someday.

np problem the thing is I'm a audio artist in the portal I'm rap and such make beatz the whole works check out my audio sometime

Laying on the couch in your arms
You'll never know what I really see
And what I think while I'm gone
Looking up at you as you close your eyes
Releasing a small grin
Will you know how much I care

One day you will see
But until then I'll just enjoy how it feels
When you're holding me
Clinging close
My head on your chest
My hands hidden under yours
In a different world
Curled up next to you

Although I can't call you mine
In this short while I feel your heart beat
Listen to you breath
And I can't help but wonder
How it would be
Being truly yours
And you being mine
But as some say it ti's only a matter of time

At 10/16/05 02:22 PM, Poetic_Reven wrote: damn that is nice I like it alot u got skillz at writing poetry

thanx for the comments on my poem

thanks u too.... keep on writting.

^_~ hehe

love inspires

i tried to find the words that would inspire
and make the soul wake up as if on fire.
but all that came to me from far above
were mem'ries of endless poems of love.
like clouds that pass as wind does blow them by,
my thoughts move on, confusion makes them die.
my soul to voice, my words will not yet part,
unable to reveal, this time, my heart.

-ally g. '05

through his eyes

i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to make you cry.
some stories dont have a perfect ending
and now we know why.
its hard to keep on loving
its hard to keep a lie.
without you running after
and now we know why.
its hard to walk away from you
but we cant go on pretending
for this isnt our perfect ending.

-ally g. '05

(comments or advice?)

I loved it and its so true about not having a purefect ending. Keep on writeing more there are really good .

At 10/17/05 08:16 PM, angeltears11 wrote: I loved it and its so true about not having a purefect ending. Keep on writeing more there are really good .

im writting from the heart... so that really means a lot to me, thanks.

unfair in love and war

i hear my favorite song and think of you
i smell my favorite fruit and think of you
i look outside and you're still on my mind
the dark blue, deep blue sky, reminding me of the long talks had
when stars would beam so clear
and you
would tell me stories about your life before we met.
you touched my soul with your other-worldliness
you wowed me with your proclaimed valiance
and you would blush with pride at my "ooh's" and "ahh's."
remember the walks we used to share?
i take them today, and you come to mind.

-ally g. '05

this is a long one
...by ya boi Poetic Reven

I was born on January morning screaming already dreaming of anarchy
Panicky pulse beating frantically…I see ghosts’ close by my cradle
Fatal like unearthing a curse, they excerpt a recital of the bible in reverse
Now I’m stuck in the 1st-dimension; exiled from heaven for ill sinful-lust
Separated from the spiritual… & placed in the essence of virtual-dust.
Thought I could trust father till he moved house, my emotions left torn
Sworn to depression by ilk-of-vows; I’m fed nutrition via milk-of-cows’
I formed vowels & consonants: shaping prose with poetical substance
Mental conscience grows applying science, standing on shoulders of giants
So I can view the horizon as the red-suns-rising I wizen to the pains of life,
I’m stabbed in the back on occasions; congealed-blood stains the knife
Inspiration drains from my veins, brain-state changing lanes like schizoids’
I harness the null-and-void, toyed with the scheme of suicide as a young boy
Now my one joy is writing these verses, everything else about me is worthless
Searching for true meaning & purpose a surplus reason for even breathing air,
I try to believe in prayer: “Lord are you there?” I’m dying of despair, & it hurts,
tried crying but the dam won’t burst! My plan of works is a sham at best
……………..……...So go head lay me in the land at rest………………………

How can I smile?
My face would probably split,
how could I smile?
Fuck a bad day I seen a whole life of Sh*t
How can I smile?
Maybe I have to front and get over it

Expressions vary from foul to vile; I’m virtually dead so how can I smile
While the world Fucking whirls without me even playing a part
Dark-clouds in my pathway, I’m halfway to no-place
These words are my showcase; I’m unable to show-face
Wasting days dazed on dope dosages, vultures await my carcass
A fate darker than midnight my existence is myth-like
Just want to live-life, I sift solemn visions… the gift of insight…
To incite true- intentions’, fighting regiments of demonic phantoms’
Throwing untamed eclectic tantrums, I go distraught as Van Goth
Working my hands off scribing these thoughts of mayhem
Its grey grim, grafting conceptual matter trying to stay prim
Sink-or-swim I drink raw sin in the form of Alco-pops
Performing twisted plots, roaming Hells dungeons with agitated deeds,
And my heart it bleeds needs love, but can’t seem to give some
I dream of green pastures serene rivers’, an icon of winsome
Still I’m convinced that these tensions will kill me eventually
Mortally mauling me limb-from-limb, my vision fading, as lights turn dim.

How can I smile?

Awwwwww! that one touched my heart with great feelings. It made me feel the meaning of true love.

thanx you I wrote that in my notebook while I wuz at the bookstore then I typed it on here.....I cried while writing this

~1~

anotha one good one

To: my ex girl Arianna I'm soo sry

I am Sorry Though

Counting the tears that you sent me in tons
I sit alone…oblivious to your pain
I call you back again
I never lied!
Except that time, and that one
I tell you the truth to make the decision easier for you
Or me

I am sorry though

Even though I don’t show it.
With a blank expression I force a tear meandering through the lines of my life splashing making a tiny impact.
The ripples brush on everything slightly, changing my view of…
This emotion that I hold so dear to my heart chained up, unwilling to show.

I am sorry though

I say that because I want to
…Or have to
As I hold another allowing my senses to rush as I kiss her
I no you feel their kisses.
Your pool is bigger after me,
Unchained and bruised

I think I am sorry though

You know…
Because of all the things I did…
I shift my dry eyes
Staring into the moistened humid abyss of your soul hoping to find a section for me still lingering
I won’t grace it with my presence though
But its nice to know its there
Every now and again I’d stop and pay a visit.
Opening consciously locked doors, chained
I think I have the key
Do I?
I’d like to have a ring of keys; yours richly crusted in sapphires and rubies.

Sorry

I think

…Sorry…
A standard word necessary to the broken soul, the five letters casually floating through the mystical depths of time, confident that they can mend the chain.
But they break it…
If I am sorry, that implies friendship
For you to hold me when you need me
Me picking at the lock each time
Hoping…yet dreading another ripple
Afraid to see others make you feel like this
While allowing others to make me feel like that

Love is stretched on the elastic band of time.
One way or another it will always snap back
Or break
Or even worse stay flaccid and untouched
Sorry

Arianna...............

At 10/18/05 07:07 PM, Poetic_Reven wrote: I am Sorry Though

im speechless... it takes a lot of a person to honestly admit and write that...

im very, well speechless, wow.

tra la la lala and yet another poem by me, yay...

unfair in love and war

i hear my favorite song and think of you
i smell my favorite fruit and think of you
i look outside and you're still on my mind
the dark blue, deep blue sky, reminding me of the long talks had
when stars would beam so clear
and you
would tell me stories about your life before we met.
you touched my soul with your other-worldliness
you wowed me with your proclaimed valiance
and you would blush with pride at my "ooh's" and "ahh's."
remember the walks we used to share?
i take them today, and you come to mind.

-ally g. '05

wow I'm rele feeling this one good job no lie I'mma read it again

At 10/17/05 10:32 PM, allyfaerie4 wrote: unfair in love and war

i hear my favorite song and think of you
i smell my favorite fruit and think of you
i look outside and you're still on my mind
the dark blue, deep blue sky, reminding me of the long talks had
when stars would beam so clear
and you
would tell me stories about your life before we met.
you touched my soul with your other-worldliness
you wowed me with your proclaimed valiance
and you would blush with pride at my "ooh's" and "ahh's."
remember the walks we used to share?
i take them today, and you come to mind.

-ally g. '05

just hopping in for a look see. i used to have a forum similar to this one.. anyways i like this one and also the ones by poetic_reven
i think you posted it twice though..?

A couple poems:

Night Beckons

The canopy of speeding lights, though stifle of the night,
reduce the angst of curiosity, and deem realities’ plight.
The seconds pass as starry-count, contrary to the tiny fingers,
driving potent reason, even in the lack of life, as it lingers --
the first moon hinges, intervals not aside, by means of start.
In recent aft, a large clutter, though evoked pleasant, there depart.
Above, like victim, the role is played, and then grows dreary,
for mind and interest, a better source, is a habitant of the weary.

A peddler’s goal, fade of light, as well awareness – heightened,
but nary a noise of prudence, though certainty is frightened,
for brief is cycle, despite extended travel, then passing is cower --
gentle ideas, and common things, and showers grow the flower.
In respite of daily custom, though sure is task, journey ends,
and caretaker, sibling, lover, son, lifts his closest friend
to lay upon the resting ground, and stand, the door nearby
before ceasing final light, and parting comfort wry.

The Distant Lily

PART I

The swelling pasture thickens and greens
Each fragile leaf a sweeping serene
The single tree in the field so wide
A dome of jade both weeping and cried
And in its emerald moment a brushing wind
There blows all the souls of those who sinned

Just past the field lies a garden of blue
Where the horizon and garden are one and imbued
The azure vegetation seems solemn and calm
Though the cerulean shrub seems just as aplomb
And as the light shifts from east to west
All turns navy passing day’s test

The blue stream soon broadens to a purple river
And the violet ripples continue to quiver
With each impeding rock clearly below
The innate, murky amethyst appears to glow
The sky is mauve, and the clouds a surreal design
The river widens and grows a deeper wine

And though the connecting lake is a potent red
The center’s crimson drop can be seen in the spread
The ruby waters wave and roll
As life in the lake grows and extols
The light from the sky echoes its splendor
And it quiets and calms, expressing the tender

An orange forest surrounds the red lake
Like early dawn, it seems to awake
The weaving paths throughout the burn
Travel and grow without a concern
And the tranquil ginger ground
Carries travelers without a sound

Past the forest is the yellow field
Where the sooner is the beauty revealed
Through the golden meadow is the distant walk
The butter birds all scatter in a flock
And travel on with a mindful of thought
As just over that hill lies that which is sought

And at the rainbows end
Is a nascent lily instead
And the green grass begins to play
As the blue sky continues to sway
And the purple waters begin to flow
As the red plants continue to grow
And the first orange leaf begins to fall
As the yellow sun continues to stall

damn bro thas nice as hell it's crazy much respect

~1~