Just reminder to all other members, please feel free to join Frozen Fox and myself in our discussion , both in reading his insert for his story as well as my poetry i had already posted earlier.
I think i can speak for both of us when i say we would like to here other's inputs.
At 10/25/04 07:46 AM, Myst_Williams wrote:
I enjoyed it though. I will post one of my chapters later this weeks, but for now i am curious about where you were planning on taking this story? Can you explain to me the broader view of what the story was/is going to be about?
Basically i was going to have the choirboy run into the temple ands warn the archbishop that the people wanted to pray. The arch bishop would escape and Podson would have to escape from the temple without being caught by the anrgy mob.
After he escapes the Grand Kazir hears about how he manmaged to escape the temple and send shim on a quest to get a message to his cousin. The message is that the kazirs cousin is to send troops to help defeat the invaders that are attacking Never Shade.
The Chancellor gets sent with Podson to deliver the message and eventually after many mishaps and misadventures they get to the kazirs cousin and deliver the message.
They then head back to Never shade and the siege is ended.
Lame way to end it but endings have never been my strong point.
I think i might try and rewrite this and actually finish it.......if it ends up being good I might be able to use it as coursework for my english lessons.
At 10/25/04 10:29 AM, Frozen_Fox wrote: I think i might try and rewrite this and actually finish it.......if it ends up being good I might be able to use it as coursework for my english lessons.
Ya, yuou really should... it is an intriguing idea. Well-layed out as well.
Im kinda on the run, but i'll be back to post some news etc later on.
To anyone else, please post your writing or join in in the criticing of my poetry and Fox's insert.
I am posting this message to help promote the club. This club has done ver very wel lfor only two days, but iwan tto see more action.
Join the writer's Guild. You do not have to be a writer to join the discussion.
You do not need me to start posting your writing ans to have criticed.
Let's start independant discussions that do not rely on me having to be around. I am a busy guy... i am just glad i am not working tonight lol.
So join in. Post, critic, discuss anything to do with flash or writing. If your an animator without an idea... join in and maybe we can all brainstorm togethor.
I am joining as a writer. I saw your "ad" in my Immortals thread and was interested. It was a very good idea to post in that thread, since I know some of those guys are flash artists, and some of them have even spent days, weeks on their characters and plots and everything. Good call. I'm proud to be a member.
Writer's Guild: Writer
Biatch
I may as well join, I need some more active clubs to post in.
I have pretty much given up on plot-driven flash, so if anyone in here would like to choreograph a fight scene I would be happy to have a go at animating it.
I may also write a bit, I ususally do stuff like timelines, often involving the end of the world and such.
Failgrounds.
At 10/26/04 09:58 AM, -TheDoctor- wrote: I may also write a bit, I ususally do stuff like timelines, often involving the end of the world and such.
Haha, fuck yea. I can vouch for that.
Okay, so I'm bored here at 11 PM on the east coast, and I've decided to wing a plot, just give some random bits of info. If you're interested contact me on this board (via this post please. Dont IM me from the get-go). Okay, here goes:
--Our story takes place in a parallel universe where human beings have all finally converged into one homogenous species. No different colors or languages. However there are factions of humans that have remained pure, and have split off from the rest of society. White, black, and asian (yellow, just cuz). They bring war on each other, and the other folks are just caught in between, mostly harmless.
--Each faction maintains their own languages. The White language is a mixture between Dutch, Swedish, Russian, and German. The Black language is a mixture of Swahili, Woluf, French, and crazy Jamaican talk. The Asian language is a mixture of Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Taiwanese, and Vietnamese. The White's all live in Eastern and Northern Europe. The Blacks all in Africa. And the Asians in the rest of Asia that is kinda part of Russia but it's still Asia.
--North America (US, Canada) is inhabited by the mixed people, who have been named the Alls (b/c they are a mixture of "all" people). The plot of this story is that for all these years the whites, blacks and asians have fought amongst themselves for years concerning territory and leadership and world domination. But now they are running out of space for their people. They all turn to North America, and it becomes a battle to see who can conquer the nation first and end up dominating the entire world.
--The story will initially begin right at the end of a battle between the blacks and asians. The whites will have been planning to attack North America, now named Northal, for a while now, and have been laying low, not fighting, preparing. They are ready now, but spies in their midst have alerted their respective leaders in the black and asian communities. Now they all want a piece...
--One All steps up to take leadership of his people and unifies them in defense of their country and their way of life. They begin preparing themsevles for war against potentially all three tribes. They're not so peaceful after all....
So, what do you think? I know I was kinda thinking South Park when I thought up the everyone is same and one weird language,. but I decided to throw in that there are still some homogenous, despite languages. Whatever, anyone interested? Lemme know.
I used to write novels (seriously) but now that school's started I had no choice but to quit my hobby project. Anyway can i join?
At 10/26/04 11:19 PM, Lysaer wrote:
So, what do you think? I know I was kinda thinking South Park when I thought up the everyone is same and one weird language,. but I decided to throw in that there are still some homogenous, despite languages. Whatever, anyone interested? Lemme know.
I like it, a world defined by race is certainly an interesting concept. I would like to read more of this if you feel like continuing.
In the spirit of things I have also started an ongoing story, in a similar style. I quite enjoyed writing the prologue, and I intend to continue this tale for a few chapters. It is based on the "Fallout" series, although dosent stick to the same story, some events will remain the same though.
Prologue: Our story.
In the final years of the twenty first century, civilization as we know it was almost wiped out.
It began pretty much as we had predicted, too many people, not enough resources to go around. The third world countries were the first to fall, invaded or “reclaimed” by world superpowers, their peoples often massacred in secret to prevent resistance, resources were scarce enough without having to contribute them to a war effort. When the third world had been milked dry of what little it had to offer, the superpowers started turning to each other for help. Old allies, such as America and the United Kingdom joined forces and started to take control of the smaller states. By 2110 South America and Canada had both been absorbed into the “United States”, and a fierce battle was raging between the British Isle and the rest of Europe. It was at this time that various government officials foresaw the end of society. They broke away from their organizations, taking as many resources with them as possible. By some form of coordination they banded together to form “The Brotherhood of Steel”, who’s initial purpose was to start an independent state, one that would not be included in the struggle for resources and dedicate itself to rebuilding society. The former goal was accomplished easily, the Brotherhood was comprised only of the elite in scientific, medical, engineering, construction, military and political fields, meaning that theirs was a community requiring little to keep it going. The Superpower comprised of the (now expanded) USA and UK had started a similar group, the Enclave. They were not as independent or good-natured as the Brotherhood of Steel, but they had the benefit of government backing, giving them access to as much financial support as was needed. Once the Enclave learnt of the Brotherhood and it’s activities they immediately waged a personal war on the defectors, Brotherhood safe houses were raided, production lines destroyed, but the base of operations was never found. Meanwhile The Enclave continued to grow in power, and their leader soon understood what the Brotherhood was trying to do. This idea of reforming society appealed to him, but not in the innocent and virtuous was that it did to his adversaries. In 2126 the Enclave also broke away from their government, and set up production somewhere off the west coast of North America. Left relatively unopposed, the Brotherhood of Steel had the chance to continue their project, and would grow increasingly in size and power over the next few years. By now the United Kingdom had been battered into submission by the overwhelming forces of France, and the New Union (Formerly the Soviet Union, now risen to power again because of their socialist policies on the lack of resources). The world was cleanly divided into two main factions, America and Asia, with the smaller countries and continents either in the process of severe decline, or occupation by one of the superpowers.
From this point onwards things start to become unclear, we have managed to piece together some of out lost history through news bulletins, diary entries, military reports and various other recordings. This is the story of our battle for survival.
Failgrounds.
At 10/27/04 06:57 AM, -TheDoctor- wrote: In the spirit of things I have also started an ongoing story, in a similar style. I quite enjoyed writing the prologue, and I intend to continue this tale for a few chapters. It is based on the "Fallout" series, although dosent stick to the same story, some events will remain the same though.
I liked it very much, the whole idea of the world eventually dividing into just 2 sides with these hidden factions and secret agendas. More specifically, I like the fact that, if I am correct, you are choosing to tell the story in the past tense, through news and recordings and journals and whatnot. Very "Dracula", which was of course told entirely through journal entries and newspaper clippings (just finished it last night, excellent book, I highly recommend it).
I look forward to reading more.
And I would like to write more but today is moving day at my office, and extremely hectic. I'll try to post more on my storyline and everything. Until then, cheers.
Oh, and is that position for Writer's Guild Council still open?
At 10/27/04 06:57 AM, -TheDoctor- wrote:
Prologue: Our story.
That is one hell of a story line. If that came out as a book Id want to read it.
Oh and as fara s I know the position on the council is still open.
At 10/27/04 08:30 PM, Frozen_Fox wrote: Oh and as fara s I know the position on the council is still open.
Nice, because if it is okay I might like to take it, if possible. If there are any requirements I would like the know them, of course. But just know that I am interested.
Hmm, things are going slowly. (Darn the LNL! Taking all the stories!)
We need more active members.
Failgrounds.
At 10/27/04 09:29 PM, Lysaer wrote:At 10/27/04 08:30 PM, Frozen_Fox wrote: Oh and as fara s I know the position on the council is still open.Nice, because if it is okay I might like to take it, if possible. If there are any requirements I would like the know them, of course. But just know that I am interested.
Only requirement is that you enjoy wtring and are willing to help people improve their stories poems and scripts if they ask for a review on something they have written. If you can do that its yours if you want it.
At 10/28/04 06:43 AM, Frozen_Fox wrote: Only requirement is that you enjoy wtring and are willing to help people improve their stories poems and scripts if they ask for a review on something they have written. If you can do that its yours if you want it.
Sweeeeet. Count me in then. So what's my official title? I'm anxious to put it in my sig, haha. Seriously though, I am
And so now I have a little time to write more as I drink my tea. Let's begin.
And by the way, practically everything I write is completely unedited, so if so feel so inclined, go ahead and either edit it or just give me suggestions on what I might do aka criticize. But constructive criticism. I don't do well with people insulting my work. Gracias
President Glukovich sat at his desk, smoking a cigar as he stared at a map on the wall of Northal. His eyes slowly snaked across the states and locations as the smoke floated up over his bald head. His bushy eyebrows were completely relaxed, his eyelids slacked and half-open. His mustache was very Hitler-esque, except he kept it a little wider and a little thinner, a Fu-man-chu of sorts. His teeth were yellow from many years of smoking cigarettes and cigars when he was a soldier, fighting for Mother Russia. His hands were rough and calloused, and his soldiers wide and thick. He had seen many years of battle, and he had the scars to prove it. He had a scar from his left ear that curved from his left ear, over to his eye, which had blinded him in it, and then slowly curving down to the left side of his chin. He had gotten it when being tortured, but he didn't like to think of those days. No one but he and his most elite staff members knew of that. It was forbidden to speak of it. Enough.
He turned around slowly in his chair to survey his office which was littered with his accomplishments. Weapons, trophies, animals heads, flags, maps, etc. His one-eyed gaze slowly floated up to the sign above his door. "Ïðèøåë Óâèäåë Ïîáåäèë" which read Veni Vidi Vici (I came I saw I conquered). It was his motto. He lived by no other creed and no other law. He went, he saw, and he conquered.
There was a knock on the door. "Da!" The President shouted. The door opened to reveal General Spurik, Glukovich's second in command and closest comrade through years of campaigning. "Ah, Spurik. Come in, come in." Glukovich waved Spurik in with his massive bear hand, his other hand bringing out a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. As Spurik entered Glukovich set the bottle and glasses down on the desk. "General, I--". Glukovich held up his hand, indicating he desired silence. "No, not yet, my friend. First we drink wodka."
Glukovich poured them each a shot, Spurik taking the opprtunity to continue speaking, "--General I have come to report that all the men are in excellent spirits, and the invasion to Northal should be smooth and successful." Glukovich's face cracked into a grin, "Excellent, comrade, excellent....but one question. Have you been in contact with out spies in the black and asian armies?"
Spurik's eyes darted back and forth, seemingly searching the room for an excuse. "Well sir, I....I was so busy with--"
Glukovich's hand came crashing down into the desk, upsetting th shot glasses and spilling the liquid all over the desk, extinguishing his cigar in the ashtray. Luckily, the bottle had been sealed and put away. Glukovich reached behind his chair for a towel to wipe off the vodka that had spilled on his sleeve as he spoke his face and voice as calm as if he had never just been in a flash of rage.
"Comrade....I seem to remember asking you a straight-forward question which could only be answered one of two ways. One way would make me happy. That word is 'yes'. One word would make me angry and probably have you flogged for disobeying my orders. That word is 'no'. Now..." Glukovich leaned over his desk, bringing his face closer to Spurik so he could smell the cigar on his breath. "Vich of these two answers are you going to tell me?"
Spurik was visibly nervous, sweat formed on his brow as he grasped at his fingers in a fit of nervousness. "Th-the...answer, General...i-...is yes, I have. But the news is not good"
Glukovich slowly moved back into his chair, his hands crossing over his chest as he began contemplated possible forms of punishment for his officer and friend. Military obligation always came before anything, even friendship. "Well, you have given me the good answer, yes. However, you tell me there is bad news as well. I dislike bullshit. What is it?"
Spurik straightened his jacket as he wiped the sweat off his brow, "General, our spies tell us that the blacks and asians somehow know of our plans to invade Northal. The battle between them that was being fought in India is now over, they say, with a draw. And both forces are now preparing an invasion, as well." Spurik waited for another violent fit as Glukovich sat motionless, his eyes closed, hands still crossed over his chest, leaning back in his chair. He let loose a low growl in his throat, causing Spurik to gulp in anticipation at what the General might do in reaction to this news.
To his surprise, the General sudddenly moved forward, both hands slapping down on the desk as he leaned over it towards Spurik, a huge grin on his face. "Wonderful! This is good news, for now we shall use our enemies as our weapons. Spurik, comrade, you bring extra good news. Come, we shall drink vodka in celebration of a successful campaign."
Glukovich had taken the bottle out of the drawer again and was pouring the two shots as Spurik spoke up in confusion, "But....but sir. We haven't even begun yet! How can you say it will be successful?" Glukovich laughed as he picked up his cigar and re-lit it. He took a long drag as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke into the air, and then looked into Spurik's eyes. He passed Spurik his shot as he held his up to his lips and spoke before he took it.
"Oh, but it will be, Comrade. Trust me, it will be"
At 10/28/04 09:56 AM, Lysaer wrote:
and his soldiers wide and thick.
I meant "shoulders". Sorry, Freudian slip
Ok, admittedly there were several grammatical errors and mostly spelling mistakes. I had to type this rather quickly, so pardon them please. You should get the gist of it, but if something in particular confuses you don't hesitate to ask me what I meant.
On a completely different note, I have a question concerning copyrighting. Is any of our material on here protected? Or could we put tons of effort into this, and then someone might come along and totally steal our ideas and make money off of it? Is there anyway we can prevent this from possibly happening? I wouldn't want anyone else to get credit for my hardwork, I'd fucking kill them.
At 10/28/04 09:11 AM, Lysaer wrote:At 10/28/04 06:43 AM, Frozen_Fox wrote: Only requirement is that you enjoy wtring and are willing to help people improve their stories poems and scripts if they ask for a review on something they have written. If you can do that its yours if you want it.Sweeeeet. Count me in then. So what's my official title? I'm anxious to put it in my sig, haha. Seriously though, I am
Your official title is member of the writers guild council I suppsoe. i cant think of anything else but if you can come up with something better use that lol.
At 10/28/04 11:18 AM, Lysaer wrote:
On a completely different note, I have a question concerning copyrighting. Is any of our material on here protected? Or could we put tons of effort into this, and then someone might come along and totally steal our ideas and make money off of it? Is there anyway we can prevent this from possibly happening? I wouldn't want anyone else to get credit for my hardwork, I'd fucking kill them.
Yup, they sure could do that. But knowing how ridiculous the law is nowadays we could probably show them this page and sue them for all they have.
I seriously doubt that anything like that would happen though.
As for the story, going on nicely, good intro to some characters, might want to speed up the pace a little though (unless you are planning to make a book of this :P). I will probably post the first chapter of mine later today.
Failgrounds.
At 10/28/04 11:32 AM, -TheDoctor- wrote: As for the story, going on nicely, good intro to some characters, might want to speed up the pace a little though (unless you are planning to make a book of this :P). I will probably post the first chapter of mine later today.
Nah, I work slow man. Besides, it's always better to write a lot and then edit it down to the best parts then perhaps not write enough and add things in at places. Or so I feel, that is how I like to write. Call me a traditionalist.
And about showing them this page. They would most definitely try to say that we doctored the page, made it up recently. But then I guess we could get Tom and Wade to testify that this was here on October 28, 2004 by Lysaer and so on by everyone else. Score. Let's encourage people to steal our shit and then sue them. Anybody else wanna join in on the scam.
haha, JUST KIDDING. kiddng....I work in a law firm, don't take that seriously, could be trouble like conspiracy. Okay, Im rambling like nuts, abbastanza!
At 10/28/04 12:33 PM, LordSkeletor wrote: Hello writers and and other people.
lol. Nice introduction. Have a read of the stories and poetry and whatever else has been posted by people and then if you want you can review them and say what you think. Or get writing so we can help you improve your writing technique.
At 10/28/04 12:46 PM, Frozen_Fox wrote:At 10/28/04 12:33 PM, LordSkeletor wrote: Hello writers and and other people.lol. Nice introduction. Have a read of the stories and poetry and whatever else has been posted by people and then if you want you can review them and say what you think. Or get writing so we can help you improve your writing technique.
Sure
Please read my stories and plots for stories and tell me what you think of them. They were originally meant to be put into flash, but im not skilled enough to give them justice. Anyways:
1) The Punishment:
The rays of sunlight crept into the cell as a new day began. It was the day of my punishment; it was the end. I slowly rose up from the bed and looked at my surroundings. There was nothing pretty about it; not even the rays piercing into the cell through the gaps in tthe bars made it any more pleasant. It was just the same dull grey, lifeless scenery again. I slowly staggered about in my cell, touching the cold hard walls, and the dusty bars, as i looked out upon the beauty I saw before me. I saw such things that brought a smile upon my face; but that quickly vanished. The outside was out of my reach. I could but only view from afar, never touch, never smell.
Backing away from the view, i opened my book and began to write the final chapter: today. This would be the final chapter of my life for all to read my memoirs and feel such things as i have. The pen flew across the page, as i wrote down, the ending of such a wasteful life. I was on death row; today was the end. I had been found guilty of murdering my family on Christmas day. It is all such a blur still, but as the judge gave his sentence to me i slumped in my chair. True, i deserved punishment for what i had done, but to spend ten years of my life on death row, never knowing when it was time for the last punishment to come. Is such a thing right?
Suddenly, whilst pondering over this question, the sound of footsteps grew stronger and stronger. Along with this came the faint smell of food. My heart beat in rhtyhm with the footsteps as they drew closer, and the smell of the food filled my nostrils. Before me stood one of the prison guards. There was a grin on his face as he handed over to me some food. Not understanding why i had been given this i asked, "What is this?" The reply that followed sent a shiver down my spine,
"This, James, is your last meal."
The grin on his face grew larger and the desire to wipe it off his face grew stronger.
The guard slowly closed the cell door and once again i was alone, but this time i had food: my last meal. It was not much to describe: mushy peas with gravy and disgusting pie. I finished without complaining though. Thoughts in my head fiercely shot around and questions i could not answer. My emotions went haywire as they followed a cycle of fear into anger and then back again.
Time, it seemed, had stopped. The seconds dragged on, seemingly lasting hours as the time ran out. Filled with boredom, i now found myself full of guilt. Why had i done such things to my family? I wanted to turn back the clocks; but alas it was too late. My time had run out. Footsteps became louder and with each step my heart beat even faster. I knew that he was coming for me; my time was up. The familiar sound of keys filled my ears, as my cell door opened.
Before me stood the same guard but this time his grin had gained in size. Deep feelings of regret filled me, as i exited my cell; the cell that had been my cage for ten years keeping this fierce animal at bay. Now it had been unleashed. In my standard orange-prison uniform i slowly strolled forward. About twenty metres away it was there: the door. I still clasped my book in my hands and began to wonder what my final sentence should be. Whilst doing this, prisoners jeered at me. We all were due to go through that door; lucky for some it was my turn first. Step by step i was edged further to my last breath. Such experiences really do make you realise what one takes for granted in this world.
Finally, i was there, my nose touched the door as i tried to gather myself for the end. The door opened and a chair stood before me. Filled with fear i begged for one last request: to finish my memoirs. There are no family here to witness my death. They are already dead. I came into this world alone and i am going out of it alone. So, these are my final words before i get strapped in tightly, and the needles pierces my skin as i draw my last breath. On now to face my punishment...
2) The Day that Never Happened:
I haven't written this up as a story but kind of brainstormed it into scenes:
Scenes:
1) Terrorist plot discovered against Tony Blair and the Houses of Parliament after phone calls were listened in on. There shall be a meeting between an english business man and bomb maker. Both put under surveillance. The businessman who wants to blow up the Houses of Parliament is a key investor in the Defence industries for the UK. The bomb maker is shot as he is driven off to a secluded spot. Body dumped on the ground.
2) The businessman is tracked back to a semi in London and intelligence reveals there are three other businessmen in the house. Phones are tapped when they have left the house to meet other contacts. They find out that there is a plan to bomb an exact spot after they captured one of the three lesser businessmen, who ends up committing suicide after being interrogated.
3) The other three are tracked heavily, but the original businessman (the leader) manages to slip away and is not heard of again. The other two are captured. Finds out the bomb is set to go off today. Two bombs, one guy taking underground, other taking some other kind of transport. There is a rush to Parliament.
4) The underground one is spotted and chased after and is eventually aprrehended but under a different crime so not to arouse suspicions in the public. The other guy cannot be found however and there is a franctic search. He is already in the Houses of Parliament though. The bomber is found and shot, but the bomb is not in the place where it was meant to be.
5) Search begins and only after long time searching is out found and defused secretly. There is no leaks of this ever happening to the media, so it is seen as "The Day that never happened."
What do you think of it?
At 10/28/04 01:30 PM, xsmorrisx wrote: 2) The Day that Never Happened:
What do you think of it?
I prefer your first one to be honest. This one lacks something for me I dont know what though....if I find out what it is Ill tell you :P
But your first one was really good. The only thign I could suggest that could make it better would be to repalce a few of the more common adjectives like cold with some otheradjectives and adding some more to the sentence " I touched the cold hard walls"has less of an effect then say " I Staggered through the cell with my arms outsrtetched beside me. My hands rubbed against the frozen walls."
thats just my opinion though. But I thought it was pretty good.
The first one i wrote in less than an hour off the top of my head, so its not gonna be perfect, and the second was just a quick 5 minute brainstorm. I spose i could have used different adjectives as u suggested above, but that one sentence had a lot more in it, than just kind of talking about touching the walls, which is why i didnt put so much effect into that little bit.
