The Chewbacca Defense

[Idiosyncratic]

We all (or at least should) have seen the Chef-Aid episode of South Park. One of the famous parts of that episode is Johnnie Cochran's "Chewbacca Defense", which using fallacy, and absurdity, wins a case against Chef for harassing a record company.

I think it's time we made our own version of the Chewbacca defense.

Give me a scenario and I will give you the winning Nonsensical, illogical, and absurd defense.

For instance:

A man walks into a bar, and trips on the wet floor. He sues the bar.

I would say to that:

Listen jury, this is Keanu Reeves. He is an actor. He starred in the Matrix, Speed, and Constantine, but he didn't star in Godzilla 2000. Now, I know you're thinking, "What does that have to do with this trial?" I'll tell you: nothing. If Keanu Reeves starred in The Matrix and Constantine, why didn't he star in Godzilla 2000? Because this makes no sense, this case makes no sense. If Keanu Reeves didn't star in Godzilla 2000, then you must acquit. Thank you.

[g0t]

That is not the idea behind the defense. It is that Chewbacca lives on Endor with 2 foot tall creatures and he's over 8 feet tall. That's what doesn't make sense.

[Craven-Dick]

At 6/17/07 09:09 PM, g0t wrote: That's what doesn't make sense.

Like this thread.

It just dosn't make sense!

[Ptcfast]

Listen jury, this is a man. He charges his lazors. Every day he charges his lazors constantly, but be never fire them. Now, I know you're thinking, "What does that have to do with this trial?" I'll tell you: nothing. If man charges his lazors, why doesn't he fire them? Because this makes no sense, this case makes no sense. If if this man charges his lazors and never fires them, then you must acquit. Thank you.

[Advent-Sinner]

At 6/17/07 09:11 PM, Ptcfast wrote: Thank you.

If this is what the thread is about then fuck that.

[BatDan]

At 6/17/07 09:12 PM, BareNakedMike wrote: Okay something a little tougher.

Divorce court

Tom Fulp gets a divorce from April, and they are both taking claims to newgrounds.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Here's Metal Superstar Ozzy Osbourne. He's been in bands such as Black Sabbath as well as leading his own solo career. Yet he wasn't a member of New Wave Band A Flock of Seagulls. You know why? Because that wouldn't make sense. What does that have to do with Divorce? Nothing, but Ozzy being in A Flock of Seagulls wouldn't make sense, just like trying to claim half of a website. It doesn't make sense.

Thank You.

[Epica]

Ladies and gentle men, this is chewbecca, he is a wookie!

[BlackInkFairy]

Wookies are so sexy, I love them! mmmm wookies!

but seriously, ......no there was no point to that......

[Gagsy]

HAYF getting banned for actually stating the truth. DEFEND HIM!

[maverick-mechanic]

At 6/17/07 09:23 PM, Gagsy wrote: HAYF getting banned for actually stating the truth. DEFEND HIM!

yes. Defend Idio! One of the 4 Horsemen of Metal Hell!

A man walks outside without sunblock. he falls asleep outside and gets a massive sunburn. he sues the sun. >:b

[superstatguy]

This is Mark Foley; he says he believes in love between a man and a woman, and has told how he hates gays and lesbians, but he loves to molest little boys. Now I know you are thinking "What does this have to do with the trial?" I'll tell you: Nothing. If Mark Foley molests little boys, why doesn't he like gay people? Because this makes no sense. If Mark Foley loves gay people, then you must acquit Tom Fulp for the murder of Eric Baumen. Thank you.

[maverick-mechanic]

At 6/17/07 09:28 PM, superstatguy wrote: This is Mark Foley

FTW

[Boris-4-U]

At 6/17/07 09:07 PM, Idiosyncratic wrote: this case makes no sense.

Here look at the monkey, look at the silly monkey.

[stafffighter]

When did Chewie live on Endor?

[BlackInkFairy]

At 6/17/07 09:34 PM, stafffighter wrote: When did Chewie live on Endor?

he didn't.

[homor]

ladys and gentlman of the court, my client claims to have been raped by this man, but you say she has nowear near the emoicanal distress distress that comes with rape, but listen to this
this is a random clebertiy, and they wearnt in a random movie, now i know what you're all thinking "he doesnt have the idea behind the Chewbacca Defense at all, hes rapeing the joke completely" but think about this:

over there in the jury is matt stone and trey parker, im stand here rapeing of their best jokes, and their just sitin there going "eh"

now if i can rape a beloved south park joke rigth infront of the creators of south park and they woildnt care then that man could have raped that wemon and not care about.

if the joke was raped you must accquict.

[homor]

At 6/17/07 09:28 PM, superstatguy wrote: This is Mark Foley;

now THATS how The Chewbacca Defense is done.

[BUTANE]

ive seen that shiznit b4, its hott

[Idiosyncratic]

At 6/17/07 09:12 PM, BareNakedMike wrote:
Tom Fulp gets a divorce from April, and they are both taking claims to newgrounds.

You fine men and women on the jury, look at this divorce this way.

This is a guitar, but it has two strings. Why would I want to play a two string guitar? It doesn't make sense. You must understand, Jesus played an 8-string guitar, you know why? Because Jesus was a pimp. And if Jesus is a pimp, you must grant Mr. Fulp the items in question.

[NISMOelite]

At 6/17/07 09:34 PM, stafffighter wrote: When did Chewie live on Endor?

I'm glad I'm not the only one to notice that. Also, ewoks live on one of the moons of endor, not endor itself.

[Bonemill]

At 6/17/07 10:12 PM, Idiosyncratic wrote:

At 6/17/07 09:12 PM, BareNakedMike wrote:
Tom Fulp gets a divorce from April, and they are both taking claims to newgrounds.

You fine men and women on the jury, look at this divorce this way.

This is a guitar, but it has two strings. Why would I want to play a two string guitar? It doesn't make sense. You must understand, Jesus played an 8-string guitar, you know why? Because Jesus was a pimp. And if Jesus is a pimp, you must grant Mr. Fulp the items in question.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court. I must bring to your attention that a recent member of the band immortal has had his bucket stolen. Now, this member has stated time and time again that quote, "Nobody be stealin my bucket" end quote. So, in obvious blatant disrespect to him they took it. Now, you may be asking yourself, "What does this have to do with tom fulps marital problems and who would be heartless enough to steal this beautiful mans bucket?" The answer lies herein, it has nothing to do with this case.It makes no sense this case makes no sense. If tom fulp had a bucket april better not be stealin it.

[StealThisAlias]

alright, a man buys a special athletic cup, turns out the cup is a piranha and it bites his dick off, he sues the company for false advertising

[Idiosyncratic]

At 6/17/07 10:39 PM, StealThisAlias wrote: alright, a man buys a special athletic cup, turns out the cup is a piranha and it bites his dick off, he sues the company for false advertising

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client's dick was bitten off? You know why? Because, Michael Jackson had hip replacement surgery. Now, does that make sense? Not really, but if you saw Michael Jackson with a new hip, you'd say, "Dayummm, you gotta acquit this guy."

So tell yourselves, Michael Jackson's new hip, and then come up with your decision.

[superstatguy]

At 6/17/07 09:50 PM, homor wrote:

At 6/17/07 09:28 PM, superstatguy wrote: This is Mark Foley;

now THATS how The Chewbacca Defense is done.

I appreciate the kindness.

At 6/17/07 09:31 PM, maverick-mechanic wrote:

At 6/17/07 09:28 PM, superstatguy wrote: This is Mark Foley

FTW

I now feel all warm and fuzzy inside; could I have a threesome with you two and me?

[Sanity-of-Insanity]

OK Tom Fulp has two Children one is legitimately conceived with April the other with Wade Wife, Tom Dies, and The son Tom conceived with Wades Wife wants his share of the Family Fortune.

You knew someone would bring Wade/Wades Wife into the Mix.

At 6/18/07 02:29 AM, Sanity-of-Insanity wrote: OK Tom Fulp has two Children one is legitimately conceived with April the other with Wade Wife, Tom Dies, and The son Tom conceived with Wades Wife wants his share of the Family Fortune.

You knew someone would bring Wade/Wades Wife into the Mix.

Your honor, this is Leonard Nimoy. He's stared in Star Trek, various cult movies, written songs about Frodo from Lord of the Rings, voiced several documentaries, and does the voices for the technology upgrades for Civilization 4. You may ask yourself, what is a half-Vulcan half-Man doing singing song about Hobbits? It doesn't make sense, just like this case your honor. Because a half-Vulcan, half-Man sings songs about Hobbit, you must not give Tom Wades Wifes share of Tom Fulps money.

Again, this does not make sense.

[Kiddmeizter]

A guy robs a house, But on his escape,Trips, And hurts himself, He sues the house owner.

[Zoraxe7]

Twinkie defense

It makes more sence than the twinkie defence.

[ForcedDj]

I got an idea, how about this.

Wade Fulp got sued for killing Tom, but he really didn't do it.

To make it more interesting, have the defense from 300.

[maverick-mechanic]

At 6/18/07 09:30 AM, Kiddmeizter wrote: A guy robs a house, But on his escape,Trips, And hurts himself, He sues the house owner.

you might think thats a joke, but it fucking happens here. i love my counrty, but i fucking hate the idiots who live here with me.